Job Discussion Forums

[Kent F. Kruhoeffer]

Dear once again:

If you're commenting on Biff's post about 'poofs', I understand your concern.

Most of us now have come to expect these cute, tongue-in-cheek comments from Biffinbridge, (aka the former itslatedoors?) ... so there's no need to really take it too seriously. He's just havin' fun.

Deep down, I think he's probably a really nice guy who respects and loves all of humanity; even women and 'poofs'.

Yours,
keNt

[johnslat]

Dear keNt,

" If you're commenting on Biff's post , I understand your concern. "

Fe fi fo fum. I smell the blood of a British troll.

Of course, he MIGHT be serious. Hope not, though, since most of those I've known who were homophobes were that way because " deep down " they were insecure about their own sexuality. But surely that couldn't apply to the Biffer.
Regards,
John

[Kent F. Kruhoeffer]

Hello johnslat:

Surely you jest! Biff's super-model wife is even more famous than he is!

[Kent F. Kruhoeffer]

Good Day Mates:

I'm sorry folks. Somehow we've managed to stray a little from the main topic, which really had nothing to do with sexuality.

So, to help redirect us back to the main idea, I thought it would be smart to repost the original remarks from page one. Hope you don't mind!

==============

Hello Forum Readers:

OK. The title of this thread is a little flashy. I'll admit it. But there is a serious side to this post as well.

In the many years I've been browsing Dave's, I can't ever recall reading anything about how choosing a career in EFL has affected one's parental relationships.

Let's be honest: Telling mom and dad that you're heading off to spend a few years with the natives of Timbuktu can have disastrous affects on the 'family dynamic'. Admitting you're 'gay' may be far easier these days, no?

In my case, mom was devastated (not about being gay, but about leaving home!) Even after 14 years, she still hopes and prays that I'll wise up and return home to the good 'ole USA; you know ... get a 'real' life with a wife and kids, an IRA account, a detached house with 2-car garage, and maybe a shiny black BMW like brother has ... parked out front for good measure.

And then there are the many, many missed birthdays, Christmas Eve celebrations, and other family occasions when you'd like to be there, but can't.

Ok. My guilty conscience really bothers me sometimes.

Aside from e-mail, which I do use every day to keep in touch with the folks, and the odd family reunion every couple of years or so ... choosing EFL has dramatically changed the relationship.

With my parents now in their mid-seventies, and the thought that they won't be around forever, this has been nagging me lately.

I'm just sort of curious if anyone else out there would care to share their thoughts on this one.

Warm regards,
KENt

[nomadder]

I've been thinking about parents alot as I'm presently living with them awaiting my next job. Through bad timing and other things my attempt to "finally be home for Christmas" led to a longer than planned on stay. My parents are pushing 70 and I have come to think about the time when they won't be here especially since I'm not sure when I'll be back the next time. The thing is relations are touch and go and when I leave here I'm not sure what I'll think of them. I try to be considerate while living here bu things inevitably go awry but it was always like that. To be honest there are days when I look forward to the next stage of being parentless and yet I dread it. I know things will be better when I'm overseas but it seems sad that you can only get along with people from a distance. There's not much to miss about my family as gatherings have a tendency to go sour-heck there are tons of dysfunctional families out there and I think it helped push alot of people into living so far from home. I assume I will be able to get back for funerals but maybe not. Would I feel bad if I didn't? I wish things were different but for now I can't wait to be far away. When I left before my parents were just glad I had a job but eventually my mother did seem to think I should be living in the homeland. But as always if you have your own money what can they do? And ya sure they love the brag aspect.

[Jojo]

Yeah *SIGH* Parents, parents, parents,, UGH!

I have to deal with that as well, I mean leaving the COUNTRY!!! and all!!!!

SHEESH! My mom is happy for me. Years, and years of talking of going abroad but, waiting to finish school, she has heard me many times of talking about going 'overseas.'

Personally, I am not overly sad about leaving. Over the years, me and my parents have grown veryyyyyy far apart. Two people from different Worlds, I'd say!!

I am a BAD daughter, since she has been asking moi to send her links about where I'm going. Still haven't..I've lost my marbles as of recent..hehe.

OH well, that's my story!!

[johnyarrington]

Kent: An excellent post, as usual.

I "backed into" ESL (please, don't let's get into a "backpacker" discussion here!) in Cairo in 1979. That year, Sadat, Begin, and Carter signed the historic Camp David Peace Accords. As a student at the American University in Cairo at the time, journalists were frantic for reaction from "the man on the street". I was interviewed by Bill McLaughlin of ???? CBS??? NBC???? news. I immediately called my parents afterwards (in those days, an overseas call took the persistence of Jonah and the patience of Job), and before I could say anything, my Dad said, "JOHNNIE!!!!! Are you all right??!! We were just watching the news, and I said to your mother, THERE'S JOHNNIE ON THE NEWS!!" What the * * * * are you doing over there. I think my father was very proud of me. For some reason.....

Fast forward about 20 years: I left a warm, solid, supportive home for the first time in 1969. Ever since then, and especially when I got into this ESL thing, my parents and I got closer and closer. Wherever I was, whatever I did.......they didn't really CARE!..as long as I was safe.

When my father died suddenly in 1989, I had to rush back, but only from Boston. When my mother died in 1997, I had to get an exit visa QUICK out of Saudi Arabia, which I did, and was able to attend the funerals. In fact, I delivered the eulogies at both.

I would not change the closeness of the relationship I had with each parent for all the money in the world. Being in ESL or EFL has not significantly changed anything; in my case, neither parent finished more than 6th grade, so I'm not even sure if they knew where Uganda or Saudi Arabia are!!

I got much more to say, but I would advise anyone: You only got one mother and one father. Make peace with them while you can. Treasure every moment you have, 'cause you'll never have anyone else like them again.

I have never regretted any decision I've ever made regarding where I've taught, no matter how far away it was from my parents. I think if anything, distance brought us closer together. And the fact that they didn't exactly........know where I was, or sometimes I think, what I was doing........I dunno. It was kinda like, almost better than a "regular" job.

Keep your parents, that's what I think.

[selmo]

What if your parents think you ran away to be a EFL teacher coz they thought you were gay?