Job Discussion Forums

[kev7161]

Well, I teach at a middle school level, so it's a little different for me. In no way would I ever attempt a "relationship" with one of my students (even the ones who are 18-19 years old). However, a lot of my students do consider me their "friend". I mean, they send me an occasional email or text me on my mobile (I hope they're not texting me from a class!). Some of them give me hugs and love having their picture taken with me. Last year, some of the Senior 3 guys would come over and hang out and we'd watch DVDs in my apartment. I had already stopped teaching them by that point, so there was no conflict of interest when it came to grades.

I never mind this kind of attention and it in no way makes me consider adjusting grades or adjusting my discipline procedures (should they require discipline, that is). I realize that we are friends "for the moment" and they'll soon forget about me once I'm gone. Okay, maybe they won't forget about me, hopefully they'll think of me fondly, but they won't pine over me. Maybe one or two will drop me a line from time to time.

Have college students matured all that much in those addtional 2 or 3 years? Are they really out for a sexual encounter with their foreign professor or do they just want to be friends and enjoy the company of someone from another country? I'm sure there may be a few that have fantasies in their mind about this sort of thing, but I'll bet the thoughts we have in our minds are quite different than the thoughts most of our Chinese students have.

[rickinbeijing]

A noble thought, Kev, but the operative word at the end of your post is "most."

[latefordinner]

My experience has been that the moral codes vary from school to school, FAO to FAO. A more jaded observer might well say that the standards are capricious and arbitrary, if not hypocritical.

A year and a half ago, I had a ladyfriend of my own middle age. (Very close to your ideal, Talkdoc, but she's gone now and that's another story) She was stopped at the gate and expressly forbidden to come to my apartment at 10 in the morning. I lived in a regular apartment off-campus! I wanted her to help me move some things and take measurements, because I was going to buy carpets. After chewing me out and specifically stating no visitors of any kind whatsoever, I was told that, by the way, I had scratched the (rubber) floor when I moved my bed. "If you want to move any more furniture, don't do it by yourself. Get a friend to help you", I was told. Go figure. As it went, the conflict with the employer was a (small) part of the reason why that relationship whithered.

Fast forward to late last August. I almost have a contract with a new school, but one of the potential deal breakers is that I have a (new) ladyfriend. Their reaction? He has a steady gf, he's a settled, stable guy. No problem. Go figure.

[Babala]

RIB,
I did say "many" not all are immature for their age. I think I was wrong to compare with teens back home though. I taught at uni for a year. When I was speaking of their maturity, I wasn't referring to their sexual knowledge/history. I just found that alot (notice I didn't say all) acted like children do on a playground. I enjoyed my students, I don't mean this in a harsh way but I really find them less mature then I would expect them to be for their age.

[rickinbeijing]

Babala,

Others (on this forum and elsewhere) have noted that "childish behavior" to which you refer but consider this:

In the West, youth become jaded if not cyncial at an increasingly (and, I would argue, distressingly) younger age. As a result, they give the appearance of greater maturity but, in fact, may not be.

In China children grow up much more quickly, generally speaking and particularly outside the eastern coastal cities, in terms of their active (as opposed to passive) awareness of the struggles of life. But because they are shielded by the norms of social expectation from deviance, they are in some respects comparitively naive. But they are--and this is my main point--allowed to be children longer so what appears to us as arrested development is perhaps the natural order of things. When I think of my own youth in America and that of my parents, I feel our behaviors more closely resembled that of Chinese than American youth.

Ponder it.

[Babala]

Rick,
Point taken, I am pondering

[shuize]

I've been thinking this one over. Call it cultural bagage, but I completely understand a school's distress that a teacher might be dating a current student -- especially if they make that clear up front.

On the other hand, I'd agree they have no right to say anything about dating a former, as in graduated, student.

As I note in nearly every post, I'm not in China, so I'm not 100% certain how things work there. But it sounds like there are enough jobs available to pack up if any school is giving you problems about the later situation.