Job Discussion Forums

[stumptowny]

[Tsian]

I think you might have missed what I was trying to say: \ that I think what you are dismissing as flaky communication is simply the first step in building relationships that are largely based on time and social connection.

And that expecting "good communication" (which I think you are classifying as "the type of communication I would find with my friends in America" -- though if I am still not getting this, please let me know!) might be unreasonable if the people involved all are operating by what they consider "good communication" rules.

[stumptowny]

ouch!! some of the truth is quite shallow..

I may have found one way to get around the flakiness, at least with dating women.

a friend suggested I try this. so I posted 2 ads online. one my normal self. great on paper. then another ad, great on paper as well but with the words 'generous' and who enjoys travel, shopping, and fine dining. how good on paper? an investor with two homes in LA and tokyo, who just broke up from a 6 year relationship with a model. no pictures were posted for either ad.

you can guess the results. not crazy responses but clearly a difference. 12 or 13 responses as opposed to none for normal me. whats more, women are chasing, sending their pics without being asked for them and replying within hours or by the next day...

no mystery. just confirming what we already surmise. but wanted to share because no solutions have really been offered regarding kanto flakiness... we have just been bantering about differences we do notice..

so run out, become wealthy, and get status by dating a model if you want good communication.. note: this is just online. says nothing about beating flakiness by meeting people in person (the real world)... that is a whole other animal..

[Tsian]

And would you expect different results in America or France?

It still feels like you are bitter that you are projecting your own troubles as a failing of the society as a whole.

I'm reminded of what Dan Savage often gives for advice -- something along the lines of "the one consistent thing among all your failed relationships is you"

Sometimes it is easier to blame everything without looking at what we are doing.

[stumptowny]

[Tsian]

stumptytown: Who are "these people" that you refer to?

I agree with you completely that there are large differences in communication styles between America and Japan. There are also certainly large differences between Kansai and Kanto, and who knows where else.

Again, I am curious -- with the dating site, would you have expected a different result elsewhere?

But, at any rate, you are correct. It is more helpful to seek answers and ask questions, and I apologize if anything I said came off as an attack on you as that was not my intent at all. So I'd like to try and understand exactly what it is you are complaining about.

But I still really understand the differences you are drawing withe Japanese people "on" and "off" the gaijin grid. At first I thought you were complaining about difficulties communicating with Japanese people who seek out foreigners, but after rereading a lot of the thread (and through our back-and-forth) it seems clear that you are complaining about what you classify as "off the gaijin grid" Japanese people.

So I'm trying to summarize your complaint and I think it comes down to:
Many of the people you have encountered take a long time to respond to messages from you, and others after agreeing to do something will be reluctant to set a date. Furthermore you find that some people suddenly break off contact with you. Am I correct in that summary?