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Can You Relate to Friends and Family Back Home?
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Justin Trullinger



Joined: 28 Jan 2005
Posts: 3110
Location: Seoul, South Korea and Myanmar for a bit

PostPosted: Tue Dec 04, 2007 11:31 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I'm ignorant, but it isn't because I'm American.

Anywho- the US is probably fairly insular, but we certainly don't have a monopoly on it. When I moved to Ecuador, from Spain, a number of Spaniards I knew were convinced I was moving to Africa.

A number of Londoners I know don't understand why I can't visit my family often from where I'm at now. (All in "America" so it must all be close together...)

It's easiest to judge the people back home, because they are what we were, or what we might have become. Everything we've learned in our travels that they don't know creates their "ignorance." But they've probably learned a lot of things in the last decade or so as well; things I don't know.

Americans, in my experience, are way ignorant about life in Ecuador. But I'm finding myself more and more ignorant about life in the US.

Educate, by all means. But before you judge, try to see it in perspective...


Best,
Justin
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cspitzig



Joined: 01 Nov 2007
Posts: 56

PostPosted: Wed Dec 05, 2007 12:42 am    Post subject: Re: two kinds of people Reply with quote

BTSskytrain wrote:
there are only two types of people in this world. those who get it and those who dont'. when hit with the question, "so why do you like living overseas?", i always want to answer, "if you have to ask you won't understand." but i don't as that would be rude and god forbid i hurt anyone's feelings in our mushy, politically correct society.
I've not gone overseas yet, but one reason I read this topic was to find out why OTHERS like it. I've generally been under the impression "new experiences" which is a major reason I want to do it. But, people vary. I do feel good that I'm not as ignorant as many, though.

But, as far as relating to family about things like children. I usually zone out when my mother is talking about my nieces and nephews. I've lived 600 miles away from them almost their entire lives, so I've mostly only seen them on Christmas. I don't really know them, so I have little interest in hearing about them. Hearing about whether they are walking, or how they are so SMART--amazing how almost all children seem to be geniuses. In general, if someone I care about has something major happen to them, I'm interested. But, I'm not likely to know their kids, so I really don't care much.

I'm interested in other things, and I tend not to pay attention to things like that. My mother feels the need to tell me, so I let her. She can't really talk to me about things I'm interested in, because she doesn't usually know about them. But, she wants to talk to me about something.
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gaijinalways



Joined: 29 Nov 2005
Posts: 2279

PostPosted: Wed Dec 05, 2007 5:53 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Quote:
I DID make the move, but perhaps if you had met me at 29, instead of at 39 - you would have thought I was hopeless (and maybe I was!).

Sometimes it is just a lack of good information that hinders the change. But - that is a lot less problematic in these Internet days - than it was in 1989 when things were just getting going.


Similar, but I made the move of waiting until I was 32 in response to wanting a change and pursueing a Hong Kong woman I had met at the time. Years later, I am still stuck on/stuck in Asia.
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Jetgirly



Joined: 17 Jul 2004
Posts: 741

PostPosted: Thu Dec 06, 2007 3:53 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

When I came home, I found I made a lot of new friendships with other people who have traveled a lot, and I also strengthened my friendships with my old friends who also like to travel. However, my friendships with old friends who haven't expressed any interest in going abroad have mostly tapered off. But really... when Friend A and Friend B are staying in watching TV to save money for an upcoming trip, and Friend C wants to go out to the bar in a taxi ($25), pay a cover charge ($10), drink all night ($50) then taxi home ($25)... obviously the dynamic of the relationship is going to change. That $110 pays for two weeks in a Honduran hotel!
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elamericano



Joined: 10 Nov 2007
Posts: 65

PostPosted: Mon Dec 10, 2007 11:08 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

My friends and family have been supportive about me going overseas. My father told me I'm living the life others dream of.

People with more awareness and/or experience of the world tend to be supportive of those who teach EFL abroad. I lived in Mexico for a year with my parents when I was little, so we all already know what it's like to be the foreigner. Our home state shares a border with Mexico. My secondary school curriculum was European (International Baccalaureate) and the overseas study component of my university scholarship consisted of obtaining my TEFL in Madrid, so going abroad has been an easy progression for me.

As for friends my age, they enjoyed hearing about my experiences the last time I returned, and have been inspired to do traveling of their own.

This contrasts with some of the conversations I had with other Americans here in Spain who talked about open hostility and sabotaging behaviors when they told people close to them about their plans.
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sheeba



Joined: 17 Jun 2004
Posts: 1123

PostPosted: Tue Dec 11, 2007 3:23 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I don't know if anyone thinks about LEARNING OBJECTIVELY and AGE in all this. I just feel that opportunities to learn knowledge in China far outweigh anything possible(for me as a native Brit) if I were living back in London. Cultural differences and language surround me resulting in everyday becoming a lesson for me. Maybe I just enjoy learning objective things in general because I'm relatively young. I know there are many that don't care about such knowledge. My mum can't even type on a computer or use a mouse and has no passion for learning or gaining knowledge in terms of objective kind of goals. However she gets involved with her Church, she walks the dogs everyday and mixes with the community around her in the UK. Isn't that a different experience?

I think that it comes down to your own interests. What you are interested in is complimented by the environment that surrounds you. If you like learning Chinese then you'll be happy in China! When those interests wane then you look for something else and maybe a different environment. I think the more subjective types of knowledge that religion, love and understanding offer are needed as we age. These qualities don't require me to be in any specific place in this world. You are then free. I think then relating to people in general will be a lot easier as we all intrinsically share desires for these subjective traits as human beings and can share our ideas wherever we are. I can't wait to get old!
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soapdodger



Joined: 19 Apr 2007
Posts: 203

PostPosted: Tue Dec 11, 2007 6:25 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Interesting thread. One of my best friends is not an EFL teacher (in fact most of my friends aren't! Nice to have a change after work,eh!) and has always been interested in travel. He has been to lots of places, India, Far East, Europe and experiences the same disinterest. At one point he was working as a line supervisor on night shifts in a factory in the UK, merely in order to get good money and lots of time off to do travelling - typical year Turkey, Central Europe, Hong Kong, Thailand, Cambodia - and his workmates were just mystified as to why he wanted to do it. Life is very much a case of each to their own.
Personally I've never had a concrete place to get homesick for as I lived in 3 out of 4 countries in the UK before starting to go abroad. There was a time when I missed Britain as a whole, but it was interesting to find that evaporate, which it does, slowly, unnoticably until you realise one day that it's not there any more, once I'd settled down in one place abroad. When I go back, these days I fit in quite easily, maybe because I don't expect other people to have much interest. I just try and catch up with how other people's lives are going and the local gossip. I think one thing travel, or more importantly actually living somewhere else, can teach is that life everywhere is pretty mundane and revolves round routine and that most folk are happy with that. Everything is relative. Limited horizons suit some people. There's a little village near where I stay when I'm in Britain, and there was an old guy in the local pub, dead now, who had never been more than a couple of miles away in his life. In his eighties, for some daft bureaucratic reason he had to make a trip to the county town about 20 miles away. When he got back, his comment was "Good God, I never realised England was so big!" Lovely!
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dagi



Joined: 01 Jan 2004
Posts: 425

PostPosted: Wed Dec 12, 2007 5:33 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

My experience is that most people back home and my family are very interested in my life abroad. Some of my friends are married, house, mortage, children and really seem to enjoy to hear about my "adventures". Others, like my sister-in-law, simply don't have the guts to leave the country and travel through my storries. Or like my granny, she's simply to old but loves to listen.
Now that I live in Turkey, some of them are even more interested. There is a large Turkish immigrant group in Germany and they all want to know if the Turks "are really like that".
On the other side I also, always show interest in their lives. Ask how their kids are, what the new job is like, etc. I think if the interest isn't vice versa, you can't expect people from back home to be all curious.
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zeke0606



Joined: 22 Oct 2007
Posts: 185
Location: East Outer Mongolia

PostPosted: Wed Dec 12, 2007 6:33 pm    Post subject: what? Reply with quote

I want to thank all of you for these posts! I was feeling very lonely about my small town in California and how no one there understands living overseas.... But you have caused all of those feelings to disappear completly! Thank you!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So many like minded fellows and I am in good company!

And relating to the 'home folks' is something I can't understand anymore. I've been in Russia for five years and the last visit 'home' brought some unexpected conversation. My friend asked where I'd been and I told him that I was in Russia and he blurted out, "F***ing Communist" loud enough for everyone with-in twenty meters to hear. I was shocked and did not say another word the rest of the day. When I returned from Colombia in the late 90's everyone seemed to think that Pablo Escobar (Medellin's biggest drug dealer and all ready dead by DEA agents) and I were the closest and very best friends. And why I was not strung out on the 'best quality drugs in the world'? And, "Are you a convert?" upon returning from Saudi Arabia in the early 90's. Among other inane questions and not even waiting for an answer before turning to another topic to talk about.

Thanks again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Zeke
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tedkarma



Joined: 17 May 2004
Posts: 1598
Location: The World is my Oyster

PostPosted: Wed Dec 12, 2007 7:42 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

The Peace Corps has an orientation for the volunteers about six months before they return home - specifically for the things everyone is talking about here.

When I took that re-orientation one of the things they stressed was that people ARE interested in your time overseas but really only want a one or two sentence explanation. But, I do tend to agree that trying to synopsize (sp?) your whole experience in a couple sentences seems a bit futile.

The PC also suggested that you pick out your ten best photos and that's all that you should show people. You will notice people's eyes glazing over after that.

Living overseas is quite a broad education - I tend to think that each new country you live in is almost another BA or BS in terms of people culture history geography language and even street skills.

It's just hard for those not in the know to really get a grasp on it.
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