Job Discussion Forums

Tripmaster Monkey · Joined: 03 Mar 2003 Posts: 32

Came to Korea at 23 and was bothered by this question (mostly because I WAS 23 and thought it ridiculous [by my cultaural standards] to suggest I should be married).

Many a year later (after many years of being asked 'the question'), I simply respond that "I'm too young to be married". This now gets a lot of laughs (which I shrug off and don't take personally), and at the same time encourage more questions (almost never about marriage). Optionally, I could later point out that this is not a good question to ask when you meet Western people, which allows people the moment to conk their heads and realize that such a question might offend me but, at the same time understand that I was worldly enough not to turn down such a question (as it is a fair question in the cultures where I teach).

I assume the main crux of this thread is about first-day introductions, and I feel that it's the wrong time to stifle an open-flow of communication. Granted, some students are looking for an avenue to take the piss out of you. Alternatively, I recommend:

Put students in pairs/groups and ask them to write questions to ask you. Via monitoring you will likely overhear (or be able to predict if you've run this activity a few times) offensive questions.

At which point you stop work to announce:

"Oh, I forgot. NO asking me questions about: (insert as you see fit)

my age

my weight

my appearance

if I'm married

how much money I make

my credit card number

why I'm cross-eyed/have a hunch on my back

Point being: head 'em off at the pass.

Depending on the age/make-up of your class, one in a few wisecrackers will try to slip under your radar:

"I didn't ask how old you were. I asked how many days you lived on this Earth."

"I didn't ask how much you weigh, I asked your pant-size."

Should you have a unique situation, you'd best explain it ON YOUR OWN TERMS right off the bat.

Salary questions are probably the worst for me. I never bring them up, but (every once in a thousand) they come up. I say "enough to keep me interested".

I'd like to say I have a thick skin. I think most do who survive in this profession, rather than be stand-offish.

Not that it would happen, but suppose an American asked their Spanish (French, Russian, Chinese, Swahili) teacher why they aren't married and they responded, "Well, the divorce percentage in your country is X." Would that start things off on the right foot?

I think not. Sorry to use America as an example.

rj · Joined: 29 Mar 2004 Posts: 159

Asking about marital status is something I would consider a common introductory question. Here in the US I'm asked all the time if I'm married. I don't think it's rude to ask if someone is married, but I think most of us consider it rude to ask why not. When people ask me why I'm not married, I respond by asking why are they married--amazing how many people don't have an answer for that!

Guest · Posted: Wed Apr 21, 2004 10:03 pm Post subject:

When my partner of 4 years was here for a visit in January, I introduced him as my Husband. I thought it was simpler as I knew one of the Chinese teachers was living with her boyfriend and she calls him her husband.

Upon reflection, that may not have been such a great idea now, as I hope to meet a nice Chinese gentleman down the track and how the hell will I explain that?

Ixchel

willy · Posted: Fri Apr 23, 2004 6:27 pm Post subject:

It�s the first? in the first class every time for me, and I say no, well I use to but now I live in the school with my wife and baby so cant say no any more.

When my students see my wife they are scared to talk to me any more �and some times she scares me too.

We have no papers yet and it drives her nuts funny thing how a piece of paper means so much!!!!

Shaman · Joined: 06 Apr 2003 Posts: 446 Location: Hammertown

Norman Bethune · Joined: 19 Apr 2004 Posts: 731

Aramas · Posted: Sat Apr 24, 2004 10:47 am Post subject:

Will. · Joined: 02 May 2003 Posts: 783 Location: London Uk

Many and numerous are the replies I give. The best is "why do you ask?"
This provokes much of the student input that can be exploited in class.

biffinbridge · Joined: 05 May 2003 Posts: 701 Location: Frank's Wild Years

'My wife got burnt to death 'usually shuts them up.

Capergirl · Posted: Sat Apr 24, 2004 12:23 pm Post subject:

I get asked this question, and also "Why don't you have a boyfriend?" I usually respond with, "Good question!" Laughing

One of the students said to me, "I think if you don't have boyfriend, it's because you don't want."

I think that, a lot of times, the question, "Why don't you have a (significant other)?" is actually intended as a compliment. Cool

khmerhit · Posted: Sat Apr 24, 2004 7:51 pm Post subject:

Hey CG,

(on bended knee) Will you marry me?

Think of the benefits...Presto--

Two birds with one stone: an easy answer to impertinent queries, and a husband (Oh sorry, we don't use that word in our country any more, do we Wink

?)--er, a spouse.

All that, and great comedy too!!

What?

Sure, take your time, no problems....

kh Wink

Capergirl · Posted: Sat Apr 24, 2004 8:29 pm Post subject:

I'm still considering a proposal from Lajzar on the UK forum, so I'll have to get back to you on that one, Khmer. Wink

Ailian · Joined: 15 Apr 2004 Posts: 192 Location: PRC!