Job Discussion Forums

[nomadder]

So I'm reading this book about a Canadian teacher who dates her high school student. She's 29. He's almost 18. I've done that age range though slightly older and he wasn't my student. The thing is where do we draw the line?

I know a girl who dated her high school teacher for many years after she graduated. Maybe they got married-I lost touch. At my first job in Japan a coworker dated a student, got her pregnant and married her. They were in their 20's.

Apparently dating and attraction in Canadian high schools is very common according to this book. A newish law makes it illegal if the student is under 18. If only the author of the book had waited a few months.

Now I know age and situation make a difference but frankly I'm in favor of it if the parties are both in agreement and there is no exploitation. I think the student should quit or change classes though.

I've read books of European men having great relationships with 30ish women when they are only 15. Perhaps Europe is more tolerant of this thing. The French tutor and all.

So of course the Canadian teacher got a record and is a criminal even though the student started it. She lost her job as if she was some kind of lech. The student's family even supported the relationship.

How many OLD men bosses have dated their YOUNG secretaries-and done alot more damage? I wonder are we WASPs still too puritanical? Should love(in its various forms) prevail at all costs? In the not too distant past and still in many countries 18 is a marrying age. Should students always be off limits? What age is too young?

[Cobra]

Just above the title to this thread is a "search" icon. Try it! You may like it!

It may save time and band width also.

[nomadder]

Kids no but many people teach older students. Teachers are not gods. They are just like any other person. Look what happened when priests thought they were above it all.

[Cobra]

You obviously did not take the advice and read the other thread. If you had, you would not make such an outlandish statement regarding age, as it is immaterial, and you would not make an ignorant comparison between teachers and religious hypocrites.

You also ignore what has been posted in this thread :
Quote:

[Cobra]

I do not think any parent sends their daughter to school with the expectation that her teacher will prey upon her sexually. A teacher who does this is lower than a snake's belly.

[NumberOneSon]

[Roger]

Yes, there is a lot of hypocrisy around even in some of these posts. When grey-haired men chase after young girls then they are 'pedophiles' or 'pederasts', and prosecuted (quite rightly in many a case), but now that some not-so-young women have gotten in on the same act, they are trying to get away saying they did not initiate the action. Well, I cannot imagine a 15-year old boy chatting up a 30-year old female teacher, but from my own experience I can safely say, many teenage girls do go for men that could be their fathers! It is a game of power, really, and as so often, in such games, one party is gambling, and gambling involves Mammon. We know about Japanese school-age girls that date retired men - for that extra pocket money that buys them their toy things, and we know about Thai female students that sleep with their professors and teachers to get pass grades. Who exploits whom?
So, what makes a 18-year old male fall for his teacher that's twice his age? He cannot ask for pecuniary rewards, right? So, the simple-minded conclusion is that it is the real love thing between the two of them. Nothing could be further from reality. The female is simply preying on a mentally instable boy. She needs him for her self-esteem ("a young man is interested in me!"), while he is too confused to understand why he is dating someone that could easily turn him into a laughing stock for his classmates.
Consenting or not - adults sleeping with minors are guilty of sexual exploitation. A teacher's job it is to maintain proper and legitimate rapport with his or her students. If teachers are allowed to have sex with their underage charges, why can't male gynecologists sleep with their patients?
it is this lack of professionalism that has caused masseuses in many countries to lose respectability. Interestingly, the entire "Christian" world has recently been in a state of shock over reveletions of suspected immoral behaviour on the part of many Catholic leaders.
Why this one-sided indignation? It should cover teachers that go too far as well, and it rightly does cover parents that abuse their children sexually too! Why should teachers be exempted? Or why should female teachers get a special deal out of it???

[nomadder]

There are many cases of this and there always will be so I prefer to exercise tolerance and understanding. I already said that minors should be off limits. In ESL there are often cases where the student could be older than the teacher. You speak English with someone once a week-it hardly seems like a power relationship. If I took a class and the teacher and I fell for each other I would pursue it. As said it would be best to drop or have finished the class.

[guty]

Arent most affairs with coworkers?
As teachers most of our coworkers are students.
I worked at a University in the UK and in one academic year spent 15 hours + per week plus "Social events" with a group of young attractive female students. That was more quality time than I spent with my girlfriend who lived in a different town. I grew very attached to some of them as people/friends who I worked with, and even went to stay with a few in their own countries later. In different circumstances a different kind of relationship could have developed, and there would have been a stronger/better base for a relationship than many people have.
It is natural for mutual respect to grow into friendship, and not unnatural for that to progress further.
I personally never get involved with students, but that is my choice, it has been tested and at times very difficult to keep to, I dont judge anyone who gets involved with ADULT students harshly, and I think anyone who does is not living in the real world.
In many of my jobs, the best people I knew at that particular time happened to be my students, and I felt priviliged to have known them.
This thread is not unrelated to "The lure of the exotic partner"

[Capergirl]

I've been asked out by several of my students. I have always said "no" and I always will. Even when they are no longer my students, I cannot date them. The fact that we began our 'relationship' as student and teacher prevents me from switching over to a peer relationship with them later on. My students are "my kids" in my mind, even when they are the same age as I (and most of them actually are around the same age).

In any case, I think dating students while they are still your students is unprofessional, not to mention immoral. It is an abuse of trust, as others on this thread have stated. There are other men and women out there. Don't be so lazy.

[Cleopatra]

I think that when we are talking about a 'school' situation - ie, where the students are 'normal' student age and are in full time education, then it is inappropriate for them to date teachers, even if the age differerence is small or nonexistent. The fact is, there is a 'power element' here, and it could be exploited, even unconsciously.

However, I think things are quite different in many EFL situations. Students only study English in private institutions a few hours a week after work or college. The teachers are often the same age or younger than them, and they are very often less well-off and less influential. In this case, I think we're talking about an entirely different 'student teacher dynamic', and I don't see anything wrong with them dating. Of course, it should be kept very very discreet, and, if possible the student should switch groups or even schools. To me, it's not that different from meeting your boy/girlfriend at work, and is certainly different from going out with your school teacher or university professor.

[Gordon]

I also think that it is a power relationship, regardless of the age of your students. Students are not coworkers as someone earlier pointed out. Students trust us, open up to us and share secrets with us. We cannot abuse this. If someone cannot control their emotions, then change professions. There are plenty other fish out there, don't start with your students.

[guty]

To those who say that regardless of age, maturity, intelligence and compatability, it is always wrong, what are your views on
bosses dating employees
pilots dating cabin crew
doctors dating nurses
dos dating teachers
and, if its all about power
police dating anyone?

[nomadder]

Exactly!

There are many couples who from the outside appear to be on equal footing but in reality one is abusing or taking advantage of the other. Same age or status are no guarantee of equal treatment. People of different ages or status can have great relationships and learn from each other. In the teacher/student relationships and I've read about it is actually the teacher who probably came out with the less so for this reason one may choose to abstain. The reason they suffered was not because of the partner but because of society. It's the mentality that if you accept it all h@ll will break lose and/or the fact that there will always be the odd creep in the mix to taint it but hey they use the internet now.
The reason it happens most often in the teacher/student zone is because people of different age groups don't mix very often elsewhere.

[nomadder]

PS

Just because I accept these things does not mean I will do them but after doing some research I can see how it could happen. In matters of attraction and passion people are not always as strong as they would like to be.