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Fitzgerald · Joined: 10 Aug 2010 Posts: 224

Question for those of you who have been international for a while. Have you found that as the years roll by, you have drifted appreciably apart from friends and family who are still in your home country? They don't really understand your world; you are no longer part of their day-to-day lives; electronic communications formats can magnify differences in attitude - all of those factors could play a part in such drift.

I have been abroad for four years now, one in Korea and three in Mexico, and I feel this happening. I have tried to work against it, but with little success. I am maybe getting to the point where I am accepting it as an inevitable consequence of choosing a lifestyle that most people do not understand. Being international is almost like being gay in that sense!

inotu-unotme · Joined: 26 May 2013 Posts: 197

I do feel this happening also... My family has gone as far as to act somewhat aggressive to me over some aspects of living abroad. On the other hand there are times when I am in the US visiting they tend to never bring up the fact that I'm living abroad. It seems almost tabo - or - maybe that they truly aren't interested? Either way I label the behavior as odd.

BadBeagleBad · Posted: Mon Jan 27, 2014 4:15 am Post subject:

But I wonder if this is a consequence of living abroad, or if the same thing would happen if you moved across the country. Distance is distance, no matter where you live.

Fitzgerald · Joined: 10 Aug 2010 Posts: 224

MotherF · Posted: Tue Jan 28, 2014 2:38 am Post subject:

I've been abroad since 1995. (And for comparison my brother has lived in California for that long--we are originally from Iowa)
Facebook helps a lot. I'm still in regular contact with about 8 friends from high school or earlier, actually two of those I was not really friends with in high school , but we became closer friends in the last 5 years.
I'm still in regular contact with 3 friends from university years.
In my case, my first cousins are 8 to 20 years older than me so we were never close before, their kids are 10 to 20 years younger than me and I was never really close to them before. However, those kids now have kids that same age as my own kids and that has created a connect and we are all in contact on FB more than we have ever been in our lives. I know that is not a "typical" experience.
Of the countries I've lived in I've managed to stay in contact with a few friends from each, both nationals of those countries and other EFL teachers.
I've also built kind of an EFL network of friends and I've met their friends and become friends with them. For example, my roommate from Japan went to Taiwan after leaving Japan, there she made a friend who said he'd like to go to Mexico and she put the two of us in touch, he did come to Mexico and I helped him get a job at my school. He's since moved on, but we are still in touch. There are several other similar stories as to that one.

My brother seems to have had similar experiences in his move from Iowa to California, he's stayed in touch with a few people, lost touch with others, gotten to know some people better after moving away from them, and FB has also gotten him closer in touch with extended family.

My parents are another story, I do feel bad that we have both moved so far away from them and that being in their 70s they have not really kept up with digital communication as much I would like.

So all in all, I think I have drifted away from people I would have drifted away from anyway. I've been surprised by some people who I've gotten closer to.

Guero1 · Joined: 20 Dec 2013 Posts: 36

I think I communicate with my family more than before but see them less now. Besides getting back to the UK isn't cheap.

Guy Courchesne · Joined: 10 Mar 2003 Posts: 9650 Location: Mexico City

inotu-unotme · Joined: 26 May 2013 Posts: 197

Gringo Greg · Posted: Fri Jun 20, 2014 5:07 am Post subject:

I was never close to my family since leaving the US and had long lost touch with many of my friends. We have been back in the US for a year and its hard to reintegrating...especially since we came back as students and will leave again after we finish up.

About my family: I was never close so coming back I find I have absolutely nothing in common with any of them. I really don't even like being around them.

mtiz · Joined: 18 May 2014 Posts: 41

This is a good point but I think this is natural in life. I do agree being abroad changes things, like I'm "in a foreign country" and visiting me would be the same as flying across the country, but people are so hesitant to do it. It is unfortunate but also it is a part of life.

Soft Machine · Joined: 09 Mar 2008 Posts: 8

Dunno, when I go to my hometown and I ask friends who remain about others who remain, they have no idea where they are or what they are up to despite the fact that they live in the same smallish town. Growing apart begins the day of graduation from high school/university/grad school. People get caught up in their lives and what is important to them may not be for others. I have one friend who I used to love, but he's turned into a Tea Party arsehole - c'est la vie.

Guy Courchesne · Joined: 10 Mar 2003 Posts: 9650 Location: Mexico City

Jultime · Joined: 25 Jun 2014 Posts: 113 Location: Mexico

I've been a nomad all my life. I've lived in different parts of Canada and the US. Its been my experience that friends and family move on with their lives whether or not we're there. We also move on with our lives. I learned long ago that its not easy to maintain close relationships when we live thousands of miles apart. I also learned that its pointless for me to put a lot of effort into maintaining a friendship if the other party isn't equally reciprocating.

I'll soon be starting the next chapter in my life somewhere in Mexico. I'm glad for Skype and Facebook. I know my mother would have a fit if I didn't post pictures, links and maps on Facebook.