Job Discussion Forums

[thelmadatter]

While maybe done to death in the general forum, Ive not seen a thread about dating here in Mexico. Ive gone out with a couple of guys here but now, there is a guy I am kinda interested in He is Mexican. We are both 40 and gone out a couple of times. I like him. So, who has done the cross-cultural dating thing and do you have any words of wisdom?

So far, here is what some of my Mexican co-workers tell me... 1)When we go out, he pays - period 2) Mexican guys are more touchy-feely so dont read too much into anything 3) Married guys date and its not as big a deal as it is in the States (no this guy is not married, Im sure. I cant go there) 4) (this one Ill put as a question) Is fidelity an unrealistic expectation, assuming of course this goes anywhere?

[moonraven]

A few centavos worth from someone, although considerably older than you, has dated extensively in the 10 plus years she has been in Mexico:

1) If you feel more comfortable going out "dutch treat", do not be reluctant to advise the guy of that. If he absolutely can't handle it, he's too macho for serious consideration and you will have--fortunately--smoked him out early in the game.

2) Personal space is different in this culture so yes, most Mexican guys may be more touchy-feely than you are used to. That doesn't mean you should ever accept treatment that makes you feel uncomfortable.

3) Yes, married men date--I don't know what the percentage is but it's got to be at least 50%. For many it's a game of putting notches on the bedposts of hoteles de paso; for others it's just that there are too many women, not enough time.

4) I am not sure that fidelity is a "reasonable expectation" in any culture.

Ultimately, I would have to say: Have fun, but don't let the water go over your head....

[MELEE]

I met, dated, lived with, and married a Mexican (all the same person ) But I am by no means an expert. I've also witness several other Mexican-Foreigner relationships and you're in luck. It appears to work better when the foreigner is the female---that is my very unscientific conclusion.

My husband and I are in a slightly different age bracket than you--and I think that makes a big difference. I've even seen a change in the behavior of female university students over the past five years.

We never followed your point number 1 because, well, I have a heck of a lot more money than he ever did. This did however create a challenge that we had to work out between the two of us.

As to the touchy feely--I almost think the opposite is true, based on mine and other female co-workers more casual contact with Mexican men--Something as simple as dancing could be see as foreplay. When he says, "Let's dance" and your say "why not" he may just understand that as "Let's go to bed." And you've just said WHY NOT!!! But I think OAXACANs and other southern Mexicans are different from Central and Northern Mexicans in terms of affection. You don't see any older couples showing any public signs of affection around here.

Point 3, yes, make sure that you are clear that you will have nothing to do with a married man. (Unless the opposite is true)

To your question (4) No, not at all unrealistic. But for some individuals, yes. Again you have to make this clear right from the start. This is what I expect from you and you can expect the same from me.

The very most important thing is communication. I know that is true even when you are from the same culture--but in this case there is just so many more opportunities for misunderstandings.

Happy sailing....

[MixtecaMike]

1. The man MUST pay, if he doesn't he isn't a real man. Once I went to the disco and the girls paid for themselves and I was severely reprimanded by everybody. It does not mean that he has "bought" you, so don't worry about that.

2. I couldn't answer that, I wasn't allowed to get very touchy-feely with anyone I ever took out.

3. Many women seem to "aguantar" the infidelities of their husbands, I think it is usually based on financial dependence on the philandering party.

4. DO NOT ACCEPT INFIDELITY, it's not "part of the traditional culture" and should not be encouraged. (Unless you are swingers). Just because other people do it doesn't make it right.

PS Go for it, dating a local person does wonders for your Spanish, your understanding of the place you have chosen to live and helps you meet many people.

[Ben Round de Bloc]