Job Discussion Forums

khmerhit · Posted: Sat May 22, 2004 1:52 pm Post subject: Trafalmador School of English

The New Trafalmador School of English and Universal Learning has an opening for an experienced instructor of English with the requisite qualifications. We are a newly established school located on the southern peninsula in the Eastern Quadrant of Trafalmador VI, with easy access to the mountains and the sea. We seek a personable and easy going candidate with the following skills:
--curriculum design
--parent management
--in-house diplomacy
--equestrianism
--photocopier repair
--hermeneutics
Since we are a new organization, flexibility in curriculum design is an important consideration and priority will be given to candidates who can offer input in this area. Candidates are encouraged to submit ideas for their favourite curricula with a view to implementing them in cooperation with management. Holidays are regular and paid. Contract twelve months. Salary 22000 Tr. Please reply in writing to Mrs Wignor Palsaffpador, Principal, New Trafalmador School of English and Universal Learning, 579 Sultan Way, Trafalmador VI L9K H7B

johnslat

Dear khmerhit,
Not to be picky, but doesn't this belong on the International Jobs Board? Or perhaps Dave'll have to create a new page: the Intergalactic Jobs Board.
Regards,
John

Atlas · Joined: 09 Jun 2003 Posts: 662 Location: By-the-Sea PRC

So what's the word on Trafalmadorian girls? Big knockers or what? Is there a school uniform (hopefully short skirts)?

I want flight reimbursement! Last time I booked a shuttle I had two layovers, and the one in Ganymede cost me my Xianyang Market Louis Vitton suitcase! Damnd ineffecient customs agents!

Curricula: Can I integrate my specialization in Quantum Theocratic Deconstructionism? It's not hermeneutics but equally esoteric and satisfactorily difficult for the studenthood, and it's all the rage in savvy grant-writing circles.

What kind of bars are nearby? Any hot discos, or are they all sad sentimemtal Irish pubs full of old farts and young burnouts, and worst of all, ugly women?

Can I get deodorant there? I'm no Trafalmadorian peasant you know.

What about cheese?

scot47 · Joined: 10 Jan 2003 Posts: 15343

Dysxelia is connom on Tralamfador.

However Kilgore Trout and Kurt Vonnegut spell it "Tralfamador"

So it goes.

Incidentally I am running a series of seminars by Distance Learning on "Teaching Skills Required for Instructors of Standard Intraterran on Tralfamador".

Payment is required before enrolment but I can guarantee employment on succesful completion of the course. I decide who is successful.

been_there · Joined: 28 Oct 2003 Posts: 284 Location: 127.0.0.1

WARNING!!! DON'T GO TO THIS RIP-OFF SCHOOL!!!!

I was hired by this so-called reputable school and took the hyperspace jump there and, because I arrived AFTER I left (due to temporal displacement), my salary was a negative number and I had to PAY THEM 484,486,433 Tr.

Plus, all the toilet facilities are for methane-based lifeforms. REALLY GROSS.

AVOID THIS SCHOOL!

scot47 · Joined: 10 Jan 2003 Posts: 15343

Well I am shocked that some people can be so prejudiced against methane-based beings. I find them rather cute myself.

been_there · Joined: 28 Oct 2003 Posts: 284 Location: 127.0.0.1

Yeah, scott47, I've seen your perverted web site of methane tenticles and how you like under-formed clouds of sentient particles in tight, molecule-revealing crystalized containers.

Atlas · Joined: 09 Jun 2003 Posts: 662 Location: By-the-Sea PRC

willy · Posted: Thu May 27, 2004 5:34 pm Post subject:

I herd that scot47 and whitjon have teamed up to make scot47`s new web site on Tralfamador

scot47 · Joined: 10 Jan 2003 Posts: 15343

All the aliens that I have contact with are consenting and adult. That includes the methane-based life-forms that I meet from time to time for professional discussions and massage.

And if you guys are not careful I will have you abducted by some VERY scarey beings !

laodeng · Joined: 07 Feb 2004 Posts: 481

The late, lamented Clancy would tell us that consent exists only when the consentor is statutorily mature enough and cognitively intact enough to give consent. Otherwise, you've got a case of stationary rape, which reminds me of my ex-wife . . .

Atlas · Joined: 09 Jun 2003 Posts: 662 Location: By-the-Sea PRC

Cognitively intact? How does that criteria apply to intelligent clouds of plasma and crystalline entities? Because I'm not about to call off tonight's menage a tois for your little legal semantics.

Crystal, my moto, a couple of behotches, why not?

been_there · Joined: 28 Oct 2003 Posts: 284 Location: 127.0.0.1

I think the problem here is the relation between sentience and consent.

As we all know, methane-based lifeforms only interact wih their environments through chemical reactions, so carbon-based lifeforms can inadvertently violate their person by farting or through B.O. Consent is determined by the nubmer of electrons in the outer shell of each of the interactors (they must add up to eight to be legally binding on most planets), and larger methane clouds have been known to have thousands of different chemical reactions with other lifeforms with no legal problems.

According to Galactic law, Crystaline life forms age of consent is determined by their radioactive half-life and works in a temporally inverse fashion to our expectations. In otherwords, they are formed at thier oldest age and die when they are their youngest. Many a TEFL teacher has been jailed because their carbon-matrix lover (we all know about Scott47 and his Buckyball fetish. How the hell did you get those close-ups of their bonds without getting caught? Tunneling electron microscope?) underwent radioactive decay in the middle of an orgasm and slipped below the legal age.

Sex in this universe requires much more knowledge than on earth. This is why many EFL/ESL teachers are still virgins....

khmerhit · Posted: Fri May 28, 2004 3:01 pm Post subject:

ATTENTION---DUE TO THE UPCOMING TRANSIT OF VENUS THROUGH TRAFALMADORIAN ORBITS, CONVERSATION FOR BEGINNERS HAS BEEN CANCELLED FOR THE NEXT FEW WEEKS---PLEASE SEE TEACHER SCOT FOR UPDATES ON THE RESUMPTION OF CLASS.

THANK YOU AND HAVE A HAPPY TRANSIT

---MRS W PALSAFFPADOR, DOS

willy · Posted: Fri May 28, 2004 5:09 pm Post subject:

I had spoken with the carbon-matrix lover of scot47 just before it underwent radioactive decay in the middle of a so called orgasm she said..

�I am with him to cerebrate his new job as DOS of the first EF school on Tralfamador �

witch is owned by khmerhit and whitjon as is the first and only Scotch Distillery.