Job Discussion Forums

demitrescou · Joined: 25 Apr 2007 Posts: 122

Anyone experience difficulties with coping being far from ageing parents?
Have you been away while an ageing parent has fallen ill or worse?
Did it make you return home permanently?
Anyone leave the TEFL world to go back home primarily to help take care of or just be with ageing parents?

Just like to hear from people with experience of such situations. Thought it deserved its own thread.

denise · Joined: 23 Apr 2003 Posts: 3419 Location: finally home-ish

After several years of globetrotting and being literally half a world away, I found a nice teaching job in my parents' town and I now live 5 miles from them.

There are some happy stories in the EFL world. Wink

(And while I was away, they had a pretty good time visiting me all over the world.)

d

santi84 · Joined: 14 Mar 2008 Posts: 1317 Location: under da sea

I teach TESL instead of TEFL. I live a 2 minute drive from my elderly father-in-law (my own mother is only 50, she isn't even a concern!). TESL jobs do exist, but you have to work long and hard to get there. Better plan in advance.

MdSmith · Joined: 15 Nov 2012 Posts: 67

I have and have had similar anxieties and guilt complexes (about leaving friends behind too). I have lived and worked far away from home for several years now (although not tefl) and so a while back I paid for my parents to fly and stay with me for a few weeks. It helped my conscience and they had a good time. In truth though I would like to live closer (my flight home is 10+ hours) and so anywhere in Europe would feel like just next door in comparison (I'm from the UK). I would not like the thought of going back to work in my hometown and even if I went back to the UK I could be in a city that is 2+ hours away and so would be similar to being one short flight away if in Europe. So if you are in Europe at least (?) I don't think it is so bad.

Good luck.

Jellyfish666 · Joined: 03 Apr 2013 Posts: 15 Location: South China

This is the part of my job that I hate the most... I only go back to America every couple of years. And every time my parents are older... But I thank God every day that they are still healthy! Go back if your folks get sick!

Sef · Joined: 26 Mar 2007 Posts: 74 Location: UK

This has been on my mind a lot recently too. I'm actually dragging my feet over deciding whether to stay where I am for another year, or go back to the UK to be close to my parents.

Hod · Joined: 28 Apr 2003 Posts: 1613 Location: Home

Any sort of teacher, including the TEFL variety, have by and large had a decent upbringing. You need to have spent at least three years at university, which parents invariably contributed towards. I find, therefore, TEFLers managing to spare one or two weeks a year with ageing parents, whilst such teachers devote so much of the remaining fifty weeks to their paying students, an unbelievably selfish way of going about things and an incredibly warped sense of priorities.

A teacher on a Thailand forum, who very sadly later passed away after a road traffic accident, had returned to the UK to visit his dying mother. She was in hospital with days, hours, left, but he still returned to Thailand to finish his contract. What torture must have been in his mother�s head as he said that final goodbye to head back overseas? It�s horrible to use this extreme example as he was a good guy and no longer with us, but on that occasion he made the wrong decision.

I�m sorry to say this, but some of you will regret your time away. At the end of the day, it�s only a job.

teacheratlarge · Joined: 17 Nov 2011 Posts: 192 Location: Japan

Perilla · Joined: 09 Jul 2010 Posts: 792 Location: Hong Kong

santi84 · Joined: 14 Mar 2008 Posts: 1317 Location: under da sea

Pretty easy to romanticize things. My FIL (who now lives down the block) promised he would help us with childcare if we moved here (a 5000km distance). Well, I've already had to quit a class twice because he just never showed up to take care of the kids as promised. It's a miracle I am still welcome back at that school once my youngest is eligible for daycare.

Sometimes people take things for granted when you are very close, and yes, that was after 8 years away from him.

scot47 · Joined: 10 Jan 2003 Posts: 15343

I interrupted my TEFL career to go back home to be with aged parents. When they died I got back into TEFL.

That was it. Well not quite - now I am aged myself and spend a lot of time wondering what it was all about.

twowheel · Joined: 03 Jul 2015 Posts: 753

scot47 · Joined: 10 Jan 2003 Posts: 15343

Before he passed, my old pal Kilgore Trout, the Prophet, used to say in situations like this : "So it goes."[

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kilgore_Trout

LongShiKong · Joined: 28 May 2007 Posts: 1082 Location: China

For several years now, I've spent the bulk of my summers with my parents---more time than my siblings who live within an hour's drive, actually.
Unfortunately, my dad was diagnosed with prostrate cancer this week, so I may stay here longer than anticipated. She'll be 90 in September and he just turned 89. They're otherwise quite independent but when I came back here last week, I noticed my dad wasn't up to walking as far as he had previous years.

scot47 · Joined: 10 Jan 2003 Posts: 15343

It is difficult - spend as much time with them as you can. Try to be supportive while allowing them their independence.