Job Discussion Forums

[Taurus]

Ok, this happens everytime I am about to set off on a journey but I am starting to freak out a little. I wanted this whole adventure but now that the time is approaching I am starting to feel apprehensive. I just turned 31 and although I try to stay true to my heart and know that I would die of boredom if I spend another year here, it is difficult to ignore all of societies pressures telling me that I should be settling down in one place and ' being responsible ' by obtaining a morgage and finding a nice man to make babies with. ............... just venting I guess.

[thelmadatter]

I came here to Mexico a year ago at the ripe old age of 39. Granted I have already done the marriage thing (now divorced) and my son is almost grown so the pressures to do those things are gone.

It really does depend on what you really want. Yes, financial security isnt something to be ignored but at 31 you aint that old. You can do a couple years in the ESL field and make a more informed opinion later. Sometimes you can have both a bit of financial security and adventure at the same time --- sometimes you cant... You wont know debating it from your home country

[waxwing]

Take the red pill, and see how deep the rabbit hole goes.

[lozwich]

Taurus,

This is not only about your physical location.. Are you sitting comfortably? Really think about these things...

1. Do you really want kids? Not for what society, your mum, tv says, but for you.
2. Do you really want to own property? Not for what society, your mum, tv, says, but for you.

If the answer is no to these questions, then you won't be happy settling down in Canada, Mexico, or the moon.

I'm 34, divorced and have never wanted children. I thought I wanted to settle down, live in one place, and do the 'normal' thing for a while, so I bought an apartment. A year later I was living in Mexico teaching English and the mortgage is being paid by a tenant, and my old career is done with. Yeah, I've been single for some time now, and would like a significant other in my life, but the amount of inner peace (a different kind of settling down, I find) I feel at doing what I truly want is better than anything I have ever felt at home.

Yeah, its scary, yeah you think it'd be easier to stay home, but really, would it? When I feel like you are now, I remind myself that nothing worth doing isn't a little scary.

And remember, no-one is removing your brain, or cancelling your nationality, so if you find you really don't like it, you can always come home.

All the very best of luck,
Lozwich.

[foster]

Taurus;

I moved to Japan when I was 29. I had been teaching in Canada for 6 years, owned a house, had b/f with 2 kids so did the mum thing, had huge student loans that I thought I would never see the end of, owed more money that I thought I would ever be worth.

After a very bad break up with kids and b/f, followed by a very bad school year in a small town, I decided I needed something very different. I sold everything, gave a lot away (including my beloved dog - Foster ) bought a ONE WAY ticket to Japan and moved. End of story. Scared...You betcha!! Scared horribly, but I did it...bc I knew that if it was THAT bad, I could come back.

Marriage, kids, 'settling down'...if that is what you truly want, then you can find it and maybe not even find it at home...find it else where...

I am now in Hong Kong and feel more settled than I ever have in any place I lived in Canada. Marriage....never. Kids...no thanks. My choice and I can live with those because I know in my heart of hearts it is not for me. Sure, a partner would be nice, but all things in due time. I am happier now and I think that happiness may help me find all that I am looking for...I was a miserable cuss while in Canada. Not pretty!

Being scared is natural and some doubts will pop up. Do what is best for you and it will take care of itself.

GOOD LUCK!!

[mjed9]

I think it's clich� time

You only have one life so it's better to regret the things you did do than to regret the things you didn't do. You have little to lose and a lot to gain from an experience such as this. Best of luck!

[yaramaz]

I have repeatedly tried to do the settling down thing but it never lasts. I think lozwich et al are spot on when they say that not everyone is meant to settle down and do all the things associated with being settled. I'm on the verge of turning 30-- a milestone that has made me stop and think about what I'm doing and what I want more than before. I keep thinking about what I should have by now, in theory: marriage, stable career, house, car--- none of which I have or particularly even want. Hm.

Do we have to do things the proscibed way? I mean, really, do you think your life will be better if you stay in one place and deny your urge to travel and explore, thinking that at a certain age you must be in acertain place owning certain things and having achieved X, Y, and Z? If being where you are isnt completely satisfying you (and since you are planning to pick up and go, I'm assuming this is the case) then by all means get out there and see what else there is. I would rather travel through Mongolia and learn to make yak butter or drive through the Sahara or explore Cambodia or Laos or Namibia than sit in a cubicle all day watching the 3.5 walls sucking the life out of me.

Be honest with yourself: what will make you happier a few years down the road: staying at home in the hope that you will find the things you think you need to be happy (and maybe you will be), or being out there in the world, doing what you feel strongly about. Anyway, I think you are more likely to meet kindred spirits when you are out of your home safety zone-- people who are like you, who do not fit into the 3.5 walls of normal.

[distiller]

I am the only who thinks there must be a really high divorce rate among teachers here? Is this a result of the job, or is the job an escape after the nastiness at home or is this all just a coincidence? A bit creepy though either way.

[yaramaz]

Why would there be an unusually high divorce rate amongst EFL teachers? I think we are just slower to marry, if we marry at all. It isnt the main focus of our lives because we are busy with many other things. However, that is not to say that we treat our relationships lightly. There seem to be quite a few solid marriages and cohabiting relationships here on this board- myself being one of them. I can't speak for anyone else but I have very specific requirements for a relationship to work, namely willingness to uproot and travel, as well as a very open mind and willingness to keep learning. I have found that here in Turkey-- surprisingly. Just because we arent sitting at home waiting for prince charming and babvies and a mortgage doesnt mean we are casual or flippant about what is important to us. I have never desired owning a home or a car, and the institution of marriage is not the be all and end all for me--- but I seriously value those who are in my life and am loyal.

Why doyou think we have a high divorce rate anyway? Has it been a major theme? I think Foster mentionned a relationship that didnt work out, but that is far from unusual in any social group. I dont think there is any creepiness or escapism involved and am quite perplexed as to why you do.

[inmexico]

After 2 years and 3 schools, I decided to return to Canada for awhile and I have been feeling like a fish out of water ever since. I realize now that I was actually happy living in Mexico and even happier teaching. My circumstances may different than some of the previous posters, but I agree with their sentiments. I am almost 35 now and I can't wait to get back to Mexico in August.
I think it is always a good idea to do things for yourself - you'll never know until you do it.

[yaramaz]

Inmexico, where on Vancouver Island are you? I'm going back there early next week, as I do most summers. Will be in for culture shock again. Sigh. Hard to adjust to its orderliness and complete suburban normalcy--- even though I grew up out in the forests of the Cowichan Valley it all seems blandly conformist and predictable etc etc. I think this is why I travel. I dont like comfort

[Taurus]

Thanks so much for all your words. When I am surrounded by those who have the marriage, mortagage thing I feel out of place and second guess myself but hearing all your words reminds me of what is at the center of my being.

Inmexico.... where will you be? I will also be moving to Mexico (Guadalajara) August 1st.

[zaneth]

31, marriied with a kid, living in a foreign country. Many of the above comments also apply to me. Did not want a car or property. Disliked the boring suburban scene, suspicious of comfort, wanted to see the world. I think a lot of us share these personality traits. Marriage has been something of a shock to me. Thought I was marrying someone who was into travel. But turned out she didn't really like being outside of her country long term. So now: land, and thinking about a car. Got a cell phone recently (which, surprisingly, I like). So the settling down caught up with me. She wants roots, land, connection to the Earth. All admirable goals, and I used to spend a lot of time hanging out with hippies in the states who had dedicated large portions of their lives to this. But somehow it never really grabbed me sufficiently. Wasn't my mission in life.

But here I am. Life isn't all about making decisions and following your dreams. Some dreams and choices lead to situations with fewer choices, even the "fly be free" decisions. And solitude is a worthy goal but sometimes when you find that perfect solitude and freedom you want someone to share it with. Life is full of irony.

Regrets? Hard to say. A lot of the things I liked about travelling I also find in marriage and fatherhood. It isn't boring. And it's allowed me to see into a whole other mental world. Sometimes it seems much deeper than the old "no kids, no roots" mentality. Of course, homesteading in a foreign country is quite a ways from a suburban cubicle (though I'm in one right now, sort of). It's still quite the alternative lifestyle. Quite a mind-blowing experience, really.

So fly, be free, see where you land. Enjoy it while it lasts. Remember life's a cycle. Keep us posted.

[Maine-iac]

Yup!

I know exactly what you're talking about. I'm getting ready for the next great adventure (while already starting planning for the one after that ), and feeling that same thing -- the apprehension. I think it's normal. After I make the move (there have been so many, all over the world, that I can't count them now), I feel fine.

Relax . . .

I'm 48 -- started all this when I was 22. Don't have any regrets, except maybe the few years that I grew some moss from lack of movement. Love my life. I have a family, too, and they just come along as they wish.
For me, it's the only way to live.

Patricia

[kait]

I supressed my desire to travel and live abroad in order to maintain a relationship that ended 10 years later anyway. Before my relationship ended, I was whining about my fears that I may spend the rest of my life alone. My friend told me that if I want to teach Zulu's how to put on condoms, then my future partner is probably already there teaching the Zulus. It was a silly thing to say, but it made a good point. I think you find love in the process of living your dreams, not the other way around.

Anyway, now that I've found ESL again, and have read some of the previous posts, I finally feel like myself again. I think we're a rare breed, but I'm glad to know I'm not alone in my thinking.