Job Discussion Forums

Black_Beer_Man · Joined: 26 Mar 2013 Posts: 453 Location: Yokohama

Is it just me?
I've been living in Japan for 10 years, but still feel no connection to this place.
Tokyo and Yokohama are very familiar to me, but don't feel like "home".

Part of it is that I feel that the Japanese are not very welcoming to foreigners.
Not very friendly and won't "risk" speaking a little English to me.

Sadly, I don't feel that this is a metropolis phenomenon. I've heard that in smaller cities like Kyoto, the locals are not very friendly.

These days, when I see newly-arrived Indians working in convenience stores and fast food joints, I just think "Good luck ever feeling a part of this society, buddy!"

Your thoughts?

TokyoLiz · Joined: 16 Jan 2003 Posts: 1548 Location: Tokyo, Japan

It's probably not just you. Lots of people go on a roller coaster ride in a new culture. The ups and downs may last a long time.

Is it that you are expecting others to connect with you? Have you got commitments that make Japan home?

I'm sure there are lots of us who have commitments here. The work I do is interesting, and I get paid adequately for it. There is a branch of my family, Japanese-Canadian, in another prefecture (I keep up with them over social media because we're all busy and far apart). Like a lot of other martial arts students, I have a circle of Japanese and non-Japanese members with whom I spend time in and out of the dojo. To get along better with coworkers, family and friends, everybody Japanese I encounter, I work on Japanese language learning, and passed JLPT N2 last year. This year, I'll attempt N1.

It's good to reassess what you're doing and why. I worked on an exit plan for a long time, and still think about what I want to be doing in 10, 20, 30 years. It makes me reflect on what keeps me here.

The Transformer · Joined: 03 Mar 2017 Posts: 69

Learning Japanese and getting interested in some aspect(s) of the country and culture will enhance your life in Japan. If you just exist in the English-speaking bubble, it does limit what you can do. If you can communicate with the Japanese in their own language and be genuinely interested in Japan, then things can open up more for you. That said, there's still the permanent obstacle of having grown up in different societies with different friends, backgrounds, culture etc. which makes it harder to relate to each other.

I think the people who an English-speaking foreigner with zero-to-limited Japanese ability can get on with best are those Japanese that speak English and have lived and worked in an English-speaking country for a period of time. You can relate to each other's experience more easily. That's harder to do with a Japanese person who only really speaks Japanese and has only lived in Japan all their life. To get on better with those sorts of people, you really do need to get more steeped in the language and culture and have a longer experience of living in Japan

kzjohn · Joined: 30 Apr 2014 Posts: 277

mitsui · Joined: 10 Jun 2007 Posts: 1562 Location: Kawasaki

It might be the Tokyo area, where Japanese from other parts of the country feel is too cold.

Learning the language is not enough.

TokyoLiz · Joined: 16 Jan 2003 Posts: 1548 Location: Tokyo, Japan

kzjohn wrote

mitsui · Joined: 10 Jun 2007 Posts: 1562 Location: Kawasaki

You have to try hard and have a thick skin.
But it is kind of sad how many people have no Japanese friends even though they speak the language.

Part of the problem is the insane work culture. If you have a good job, it helps a lot.

The Transformer · Joined: 03 Mar 2017 Posts: 69

TokyoLiz · Joined: 16 Jan 2003 Posts: 1548 Location: Tokyo, Japan

The Transformer addressed the topic of language use well when he flipped the script.

Still, as a language nerd, perpetual Japanese language learner, and educator, what Black_Beer_Man wrote really stuck with me.

mitsui · Joined: 10 Jun 2007 Posts: 1562 Location: Kawasaki

No.
There are people in my neighborhood who won't even bother to say hello in their language, and it happens to my Japanese wife too.
People are very tribal here.
As the outsider I am supposed to play the host even though I am the guest.
You can't make a connection with cold people.

In Osaka this can happen but not as much, so this is not about language.

TokyoLiz · Joined: 16 Jan 2003 Posts: 1548 Location: Tokyo, Japan

Mitsui wrote

nimadecaomei · Joined: 22 Sep 2016 Posts: 605

But you are a guest because you are not in the tribe

rxk22 · Joined: 19 May 2010 Posts: 1629

mitsui · Joined: 10 Jun 2007 Posts: 1562 Location: Kawasaki

It is the outsider who has to play a role, that is what I mean by host/guest.
The natives can act passive and unfriendly.

Of course I do get asked when I am going back to the US, so I feel more like a guest.

TokyoLiz · Joined: 16 Jan 2003 Posts: 1548 Location: Tokyo, Japan

I've met my share of indifferent, unfriendly neighbors, but I just ignore them. I've lived in two houses, participated in chonaikai, and did garbage duty/neighborhood watch. I did my best, and most people were welcoming. I've participated in the neighborhood matsuri, too. All of this with no Japanese partner, just me.

Most of my neighbors were elderly, and happy to take time to teach me "how to". There were total jerks, too. But they were jerks to everybody, not just me, the foreign lady.

Sure, I'm a novelty, but when I go out of my way to talk to nice people, I make friends.