Job Discussion Forums

[scoobee]

Currently living in USA w/ Japanese wife. Marrage on the rocks. Dreaming of escape.

Here's the plan.
1.) Get a spouse visa to work in Japan.
2.) Divorce here in the States.
3.) Go work in Japan.
4.) Spouse willing- renew spouse visa in Japan based upon our Japanese marrage registery.

Currently have a Doctorate in Divinity which looks/sounds very official. Thinking about bs'ing the BS and MA portion. Going to get a TESL before I split. Have conversation english teaching experiance from the early 90's, but the referance maybe had to track down.

I know I'm a flawed individual in a flawed situation. Just looking for a job I can handle in a country which I enjoy.

OK- have at me. Where/when will this plan blow-up.

[adomo]

First off, Is there a possibility that moving back to your wifes homeland may save your mariage. Something to think about I guess. I can't say much cause I'm in the early stages of putting together an engagment with my better half. Good luck Scoobee DOOOOOOOOO!

[scoobee]

Great question. Saving our marriage of eight years and relationship of seventine years by moving to Japan doesn't seem to be an option. I married above my social class. My wife will be totally comfortable being a "Cry of the Lone Dog", whatever that is. Whenever I ask to when we are moving to Japan she counters w/ "And do what? be an english conversation teacher?" She expects more from life/me than I do. Plus she certain that my current troubles are going to follow me to Japan. Binge drinking and social drug use, depression, social anxiety, etc.

I need to escape from my job because it's 100% commission/100% stress. I'm a mortgage broker. Don't sell- don't eat. Just like "Glengary Glenross" and "Boilerroom". We're eating okay, but I'm also eating five valium a morning to get ready for work. I wake up thinking of greaseing a commuter train with my brains and go to bed after surfing esl/farang websites.

Life here in the States is so hopeless right now. We both are seperated from our families so the social support ain't there. Life was better when my wife worked but now she's home with our one year old. (Another thread- for sure)

Repairing my life here in the States is so daunting and the prize seems to be a cold and distant wife who has no respect left for me. I'm just dreaming of an escape, a Plan B.

Has anyone been in similair situations?

[Synne]

Seems intense, cant say Ive been in anything close to that situation.

If the marriage is lost though, they I say leave it, dont prolong what cant be changed.

Your whole "Plan" is going to be based on luck I think. BS'ing the BA and MA could land you a job and then lose you that job, and more, but maybe it all works out. Who knows? Paul Glenski or Gordon are the guys youd want to ask about that one to for the pros and cons.

Otherwise...I couldnt tell ya, you might want to ask lady luck, I think thats your best bet.

Best of luck with it though, hope somehow it works out.

[Glenski]

[matador]

Be positive: First step is to get the divorce done. Don,t stay in a cold marriage if the jazz has gone! There are numerous opportunities in the world of teaching, it doesnt just have to be 'a conversation teacher'. How about being a materials developer? DoS, ADoS, etc. What is your teaching experience exactly? A lot of it is in how you market yourself! If you want to make a mark for yourself in a new EFL market, then go to Shanghai or Beijing! Good luck. Things will improve. Even when it seems like they won,t, they do!

[PAULH]

[PAULH]

[PAULH]

Overseas Japanese diplomatic establishments may not issue a visa to an applicant who comes under the following categories or is suspected of coming under these categories:

- If the applicant does not possess a genuine and valid passport.
- If the contents of the application are false.
- If the applicant has a criminal record including more than one year's imprisonment.
- If the applicant has a criminal record involving narcotics, marijuana, stimulants, prostitution, etc.
- If the application is made within five years of the applicant having been deported from Japan for illegal residence.
- If the applicant's purpose for entering Japan does not fall within the activities that can be conducted in Japan as stipulated by the Immigration Control Act.
- If the applicant's purpose for entering Japan does not comply with the Ministerial Ordinance to Provide for Criteria for Landing Permission under the Immigration Control Act.
- If it is feared that the applicant will engage in activities that harm the interests of and disturb public order in Japan.

If a visa has been denied, it is possible for the same applicant to apply again. For further information, please inquire at the embassy or consulate where the application was made or at the Foreign Nationals' Affairs Division if the application was forwarded to the Ministry of Foreign Affairs by the embassy or consulate.

[scoobee]

Thanks everyone! All of you have raised very good points. I kinda expected that I'd be looking at a one year visa, then being at my (ex)wife's mercy. Neither of us know what form our estrangement would take- we could merely live apart and remain married, in which case a spousal visa extension would seem permissable, if I send a quarter of my take home pay, plus bonuses to Tsuzuki-ku, Yokohama as child support.

Never even considered a university position, so my BS/MA bluff doesn't seem so high risk. And yes, my "Doctor of Divinity" is pure internet instant ordination. They even offer a "Ministry in a Box", which would come in handy as a side job. (I mean, who are those white dudes you see officiating Japanese wedding in all those boring wedding photos?)

I think Glenski raised the scarest point- Even if I can finesse the wife and immigration I still need to make peace with myself. Untreated mental illness seems pandemic in Japan- my wife certainly doesn't have a clue as to what's going on in my head now. Teaching nine-45 minute conversation lessons in a row with out heading straight to the nearest Kiosk for six big boy Ebisu beers afterwards seems highly improbable for me. Repeat 100 times and I'll be worse off then I am today. I'm still haughted by a couple teacher from my summer at Toza- one who needed to smoke "shabu shabu?'/Ya ma/ Crystal Meth between classes; another tried to keep on partying a day after his japanese wife commited suicide.

Reminds me of a quote- "First rule to getting out of a hole is to stop digging deeper."

The wife and child are planning a six week vacation in Japan soon. We both are going to do a lot of thinking during this period. Hopefully my anti-depresants/anti-anxiety meds will have kicked in and I'll be thinking foggier, happier thoughts. If not I can start bouncing around Asia until I bounce out a seven story balcony in Pattaya.

[David W]

Christ almighty whatever you do, don't come here and work in eikaiwa. If anything is gonna make you throw the rope over the rafter it's that. For a start if you're on the happy pills there's no guarantee that the doctor will be able to prescribe them here coupled with the stress of a failing marriage and a one year old. What's stopping you changing jobs where you are? Money it seems like.
One thing to remember if you do move here with your wife (unlikely though it seems from your op) and you do split the possibly exists that you will never see your child again. Joint custody as far as foreign spouses go just doesn't happen. If she doesn't want you to see the kid again you are pretty much SOL in Japan. Stay where you are mate, with your mindset I almost guarantee it will get far more ugly in Japan.

[Gordon]

I'm with David on this one. Coming to Japan will not make you feel better. Japanese people will not understand your problems, heck I'm having a hard enough time. As Paul mentioned, you will have no rights here in regards to your son. Your wife holds all the cards, kind of like if you were a woman in Saudi. Japanese nationals have the rights here, we don't.
I also think you need to change professions and possibly get a different circle of friends. You probably know what authorities do here to people with drugs.
It's hard to give advice to you when we don't really know you and don't know the root of your problem.
Maybe you can patch it up with your wife. I know the stresses of having a new child in the family, everyone gets on each other's nerves and you never get a break. Life gets easier with children.
Hang in there.

[myesl]

Mr. Do, Scooby if I may. Dude, I feel for you, but wow that's quite a pile of things . . .

I'm most worried about your one year old. Heck of a thing to have him or her not be with you, no?

Do you feel your various addictions started soley because of the job? If so, is that what's ruining the marriage? I'm just asking

17 years is a long time. Of course, if it's done, it's done. But one can't help but wonder if the other factors you mentioned aren't the problem.

Of course, yes a lot of women (particularly if she's from high society) will think the man makes the money, and she does the mom deal. Maybe you guys could talk about this?

Yeah, I think ESL at a language school is not ideal, even though I'm considering it again. But I'm minus the other issues at the moment. Would it be wrong for me to suggest getting a real BA/BS and seeing if laying off all the stuff makes thing better with wifey, at least for junior's sake?

[sidjameson]

If this is for real, and my God I sincerely hope it's a troll, then it is obvious that what you need is not advice from a bunch of strangers but some professional help.
All negative actions (and you seem to have plenty) arise from negative thoughts. You need to sort out your head. This is where all your problems have started from and will end.
It may be that all you need is a fresh start, but it sounds more like you have become attached to some pretty dysfunctional self destructive behaviour.
Still you still have a pretty good sense of humour and I always think that with this a solution is usually just around the corner.
Good luck.

[scoobee]

Thanks to all for all your advice. I laid a ton of heavy sh*t on a bunch of strangers and every single one of you had kind and consructive comments and support.
Professional help is what I'm getting. I was on anti-depressants for five years, went off them, got mega-bummed out, then started surfing the internet for answers. Went back to my doctor and ton of free samples. I have seemed to have turned the corner.
Somedays it seems that I have more problems that an algrebra book but I not going to trip-out trying to answer them all in one day.
Thanks to all. Scoobee doing all right!