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PeterGriffin · Joined: 22 Nov 2004 Posts: 31 Location: Qingdao

First off I would like to say thanks to all those who wrote positive postings for my last question. I am going on my second week here in China and I think it is the most amazing place I have ever been. The people do stare which I don't mind considering there is only 3 white faces on a campus of 8 thousand. Also spitting and shoving does occur but i feel that this is just the way the Chinese Culture acts. The students are amazing and it's to the point where I can't wait to go to class and teach. My problem is all the kids want to hang out with me outside of class and I simply don't have time for all 300 of them, so how would I go about saying no I don't have time to the students without hurting their feelings?

PeterGriffin

Old Dog · Joined: 22 Oct 2004 Posts: 564 Location: China

I would suggest that, during your lessons, if students demonstrate that they have failed to listen to any incomprehensible pontifications that you may have uttered, you make them stand at the side of the room until the end of the lesson. With no face, I doubt if they'll be troubling you much outside class.

peggiescott · Joined: 20 Mar 2004 Posts: 162

I'm pretty brutal. I don't give out my phone number, tell the students where I live or spend much time "being their friend". I tell them that when I'm teaching I'm a teacher but when I'm not teaching I want to rest, e-mail my family, shop, prepare lessons, meet with my friends, travel, whatever (fill in your own past time). That's what I tell 98% of the students, anyway. I do have some very close friends who are students and also spend a chunk of my free time tutoring students who will compete in one of the many oral English competitions. I'm just selective.

I interpret the "I want to be your friend" line to mean either "I want free English lessons", "I want to be able to tell my friends I hang out with you" or "I'm curious about you and your stuff". None of which have to do with being a friend.

I'd suggest you make yourself pretty unavailable now. You can always loosen up later but it could be harder to back off if the students get used to you being with them all the time. Keep in mind that when you say "No" some students will hear "Maybe" and will be sure they can wear you down to a "Yes". If you do want to spend time with them outside of class decide how you want it to be. Would you like to spend an afternoon shooting hoops with them? Or ask a few to go shopping and teach you the Chinese names of items in the store? Or have them show you a couple of good local restaurants?

Keep in mind that this is just my opinion and may not work for you. Heaven forefend I ever come off sounding like I think I know what I'm doing.

Peggie

ShapeSphere · Joined: 16 Oct 2004 Posts: 386

I would echo Peggie's opinions - I tend to take the same course of action.

Peter - it's great that you're so positive and loving it, and it maybe like that for the next twenty years - I hope it is.

BUT! The first three months are always a bit special, and once the novelty wears off, your feelings may change. I could be wrong, and hope I am.

If I sound like a killjoy and a miserable sod - then that's because I am. Wink

badtyndale · Joined: 23 Jun 2004 Posts: 181 Location: In the tool shed

Ditto.

Work is work, leisure is leisure and it's wonderful if you can find pleasure in both. The students will eventually stop asking when they realise you have your own life as an independent-minded foreigner - who is not to be trusted at all and is probably a spy for Taipei.

Have you invited any of them to share time with you?... hang out?... lick your bag?

Twisting in the Wind · Joined: 20 Oct 2003 Posts: 571 Location: Purgatory

I would simply tell them:

"I love you, my darlings, but not THAT MUCH..."

They'd giggle and laugh and get the point.

tom selleck · Posted: Sat Dec 18, 2004 6:55 am Post subject:

Bat.: leave the poor guy alone.....Oh, alright, it was good for one more laugh.

Peter: Right now, you're in the middle of the "floating on a cloud" phase. Take a clear mental picture of the current emotion. It's quite a high, I will admit. When things get rougher, as they inevitably will, try to refer back to the mental picture you pasted indelibly into your head.

globalguru · Joined: 28 Nov 2004 Posts: 6 Location: China

I don't know if this helps, but I'll give it a go.

I live in Lianyungang, in Jiangsu Province. There isn't a large FT population here, and there's maybe a dozen or so youngish expats that like to gather in the city's bars on the weekends to share war stories and have a good time.

Most of the bars are rather expensive and not many locals can afford to drop 100 kwai on four shots of whiskey. So most of the bars cater to us and a few middle aged Chinese men hitting on the attractive young female bar staff.

Inevitably, we get "english cornered" at these bars by the other patrons- they'll come and sit down and ask us a million questions. Since we're there to just be ourselves and feel comfortable we're obviously not too amenable to these intrusions.

So we recently discovered a bar whose owner promised not to let anyone "English corner" us. Since collectively we constitute a fair share of a bar's earnings, we've realized our market power in today's China.

These are the things you have to do, I guess.

Ace · Joined: 16 Apr 2004 Posts: 358

You are new. You've noticed the spitting...wait til you notice the farting!

Start smoking, if you're not already a smoker.

The previous advice is good...prehaps the main thing to try to remember is that in China, nothing is ever planned...the Chinese can achieve their goals, and I'm often impressed, but it's generally a question of muddling through. How will they ever do it? Well, there are a lot of them, and when they have to, they'll manage somehow...but it won't be professional or efficient.

Don't exect them to make or keep appointments! that's why I don't give my phone number to many of them. Make them send emails and try to plan! Have excuses on hand, if you do start giving out your phone number...I'm always a bit confounded when I hear, as an excuse, "I have something to do..." I've never had the guts to say it myself...but I should!

Just as the Chinese will bombard you with questions but never directly or clearly answer your questions, they will always expect your time outside teaching hours to be completely free...they will always expect you to be available. You'll get phone calls at 6 am and at 6pm, and an unidentified voice - they never say who they are - (and if you ask "who are you?" you invariably get the response "fine thanks" but that's another story) - will enquire "are you busy?" Don't say "I'm cooking dinner" - they may be offering to pay you your salary...

Choose your friends...they do. They don't even speak to or acknowledge people they don't think will be useful to them. They are very careful about making friends in case someone ever asks them for help.

You can make wonderful friends and they will help you, you just have to choose them wisely. The Spring Festival is coming up...that may be your only chance to repay people who are your true friends...find out about it! Have some red money (Y100 notes or money in red envelopes on hand!)

They probably don't expect Westerners to know about friendship/obligation...but you will find good friends in China are true friends...and they'll be touched if you do the right thing at the Spring Festival.