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jr1965 · Joined: 09 Jul 2004 Posts: 175

Hi everyone,

I�m sure this question has been asked here before, but I�d sure appreciate if you could share some of your experiences with me.

My husband, daughter (age eight), and I have recently relocated to Spain where my husband is from. I�m still in the ESL/EFL field (though not teaching at the moment). However, my question not about the work; it�s about the kids you bring with you when you relocate. What I want to know is, for those of you with children who have moved to another country and have brought your children with you, how did it go? I realize that a lot depends on where you�ve moved to, what your support network is, etc., but what I�m trying to work out is how to help my child settle in and feel comfortable in her new surroundings.

We had to leave a wonderful environment back in the States to come and help my in-laws here in Madrid, and though they are lovely and my daughter has a good relationship with them, and can speak some Spanish (though she�s not fluent), life here has been tough this first month for her and all she talks about is �when can we go home?� It�s breaking my heart, and I�d appreciate hearing from those who�ve lived through similar situations (wherever you are) how you handled it.

Thank you!

distiller · Joined: 31 May 2004 Posts: 249

Personally, I don't have kids, yet. I do have quite a few expat teacher friends who do. There seem to be two schools of thought on their part. One is that you need to protect your kids and keep them sheltered in International schools so they receive as much of an American/British life as possible. This usually, but not always, means not learning the language and having other expats as friends. The other approach is more inclusive, but more difficult. It means learning the language, going to good local schools, and not trying to recreate an American/British childhood. If one could simply wave a wand and make it happen, one might choose the latter of these two but as it is quite challenging at times, especially if the child is already eight, the former may be more realistic.

Ariadne · Joined: 16 Jul 2004 Posts: 960

It can be tough moving with kids, and even harder when the move is to a different country. When we moved from the US to Japan it was hard on the kids, but they had each other to play with until they made friends at school. School was critical. My kids met most of their friends and playmates at school... even the children who lived nearby. I hope you aren't homeschooling in Spain, because your daughter really needs the social interaction of school.

Try to cook foods that are familiar. Have a friend back home send some tapes of favorite TV shows. Read the same old stories at bedtime. Maybe she could write a journal for an aunt or grandparent back home. That would help her to see the new stuff from a different angle... sort of
exotic and cool.

My kids are grown now and they all have itchy feet. Things will work out for your daughter, you'll see. Good luck to you.
.

Gordon · Joined: 28 Jan 2003 Posts: 5309 Location: Japan

My daughter wsa a baby when we moved so all she knows is Japan. I can't really help other than to say "stick it out". Think of the culture shock you are experiencing and hers is much worse and she doesn't fully comprehend the reasons behind it. I would try to stick with a routine, she needs stability. It will take a year before she feels really settled, not a few months. Don't give her false hope saying we're going back soon. Is this a permanent move, that will decide what you will/can do with your daughter.

vre · Joined: 17 Mar 2004 Posts: 371

It must be really heartbreaking to see your daughter like this!

I think the most important thing she needs is friends and quite a few to choose from so her mind will be occupied thinking how to impress them, what games to play with them, and all those things. You know, when kids have other kids to play with, adults are virtually invisible to them. They lose themselves in another world of play and fun and same wave length that mummy doesn't really understand. It will take her mind off things and she will learn more of the language and culture that way. Have parties for them, sleep overs, that sort of thing.

I know a little boy who is in the same situation but becuase he wants to go home so much he has violent outbursts at home and is doing very badly at school. He doesn't have a social circle to call his own. That is what is missing in his life.

jr1965 · Joined: 09 Jul 2004 Posts: 175

Thanks to everyone for your input and suggestions. I think, as some of you have mentioned, the hardest part right now is her social network. That's that thing that's missing. She just started school here, and it's TOUGH because her Spanish is still very elementary (in spite of my encouragement, her dad never wanted to speak to her in Spanish at home when we were in the US b/c he was worried she wouldn't be "a perfect English speaker." ). So now she's in an environment where the kids don't speak English and she's strugglling in Spanish, and well, you can imagine. I know that eventually, she will pick up the lang (especially as she's now receiving instruction). Still these first few days/weeks/months are not going to be easy. I know I just need to give it time...

Thanks again for your encouragement & ideas.

JR

ketama · Posted: Fri Jan 14, 2005 8:01 pm Post subject:

Here in France I�m taking a French class that is primarily made up of immigrant wives, and most of them have kids. Everyone started out worrying about how their children were going to adjust. Now almost every week someone marvels at how quickly their child is learning the language, making friends, starting to really assimilate. Then we sit and boggle at the language abilities of children, and we are all envious of eight-year-old brains. Don�t worry, you will be too soon.