Job Discussion Forums

China Pete · Joined: 17 May 2003 Posts: 86 Location: Henan, China

It seems that all Chinese people have been to medical school and graduated with full honors. They all have wonderful expert medical advice to offer. I just thought I'd share some of these medical breakthroughs with y'all in case you get ill.

-If you have a cold, dont eat oranges, eat 'these pills'... 1 of 'these' 2X /day, 4 of 'these' 8X /day, 10 of 'these' 3X /day... every day for the next 2 weeks, then you will get better- our Chinese medicine is wonderful!

-If you still have a cold, Get An IV.
-If you have the squirts, Get An IV.
-If you have a head ache, Get An IV.
-If you have a tummy ache or gas, Get An IV.
-If you have a sniffle or allergies, get an IV.
-IV's work for everything-- EXCEPT SARS!

To prevent SARS---
-take up smoking, -drink hot milk in the morning, -let of firecrackers right outside MY window at midnight, -drink raw eggs from a tin cup, -have hotpot at midnight, -open ALL the windows in your house, -open ALL the windows in your friend's house, -open ALL the windows in your teacher's house, -open ALL the windows in your classroom...

Other Advice---
Pull your pants up above your belly button. If the belly button gets cold, you will surely get the squirts.
Keep your feet in shoes or slippers or you will get a cold.
Wear at least 17 layers of clothes and make sure they are all thick, made from a comforter or something. Otherwise, you will get a cold. (It doesnt matter if youre warm or too warm, its all in the numbers.)
Dont ever eat or drink anything cold or you will get a tummy ache and a cold and possibly the squirts.
(I have named the squirts- Chairman Mao's Revenge and one stage worse is known as EBS- Explosive Bowel Sprays)

Did you just sneeze? Get an IV immediately!

I have plenty more, but I'll leave room for y'all to give some input.

Across the board, Chinese say Chinese medicine is great. But there is a secret experimental medicine that they have been keeping from us. Though I'm not going to try it... supposed to keep you from catching a cold I guess... No one has actually told me, but my intuition surmises that THATS why the students secretly eat poop! (Explaining the rancid raunchy breath)...

chinasyndrome · Posted: Tue May 20, 2003 12:35 pm Post subject:

Mate,

I need your address. I've just this moment realized my 1300 kids have been letting off fireworks under the wrong window. Damned lucky we didn't get SARS in the meantime. We'll be there as soon as we all get over the EBS, unless leaving that under your window offers extra protection. Wink

China Pete · Joined: 17 May 2003 Posts: 86 Location: Henan, China

ok heres my address- Peoples Road, past the hay stack, turn right at the broken down tractor, go straight 50 meters, third building, second door, 8th floor, #802

we rural folk dont got no address, but if you sent a letter and only put the city and my name, im pretty sure it would get to me. Happened to a friend of mine in Shanghai (though not a rural area), someone sent a letter from the US and didnt put the full address, and it got to them no problem... scary