Job Discussion Forums

[Kent F. Kruhoeffer]

I thought some of these were cute, especially #25. Enjoy!

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1. I can see your point, but I still think you're full of sh*t.
2. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.
3. How about never? Is never good for you?
4. I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
5. I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to worship me.
6. I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.
7. I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message...
8. I don't work here. I'm a consultant.
9. It sounds like English, but I can't understand a word you're saying.
10. Ahhh...I see the f***-up fairy has visited us again...
11. I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.
12. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.
13. I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't give a damn.
14. I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
15. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.
16. Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.
17. The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.
18. Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.
19. What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?
20. I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.
21. It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.
22. Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.
23. And your cry-baby whiny-assed opinion would be...?
24. Do I look like a people person?
25. This isn't a classroom. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.
26. I started out with nothing still have most of it left.
27. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
28. If I throw a stick, will you leave?
29. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
30. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
31. I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
32. A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.
33. Can I trade this job for what's behind door #1?
34. Too many freaks, not enough circuses.
35. Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?
36. Chaos, panic, disorder - my work here is done.
37. How do I set a laser printer to stun?
38. I thought I wanted a career; turns out I just wanted paychecks.

[guest of Japan]

Kent, I always feel refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.

[Shaman]

Nice one, Kent. Here are some more to add (maybe some overlap).

1. "Okay, okay! I take it back. Unf*ck you."
2. "You say I'm a b*tch like it's a bad thing."
3. "Well, this day was a total waste of make-up."
4. "Well, aren't we a bloody ray of sunshine?"
5. "Don't bother me, I'm living happily ever after."
6. "Do I look like a people person?"
7. "This isn't an office. It's hell with fluorescent lighting."
8. "I started out with nothing and still have most of it left."
9. "Therapy is expensive. Popping bubble wrap is cheap. You choose."
10. "Why don't you try practicing random acts of intelligence and senseless acts of self-control?"
11. "I'm not crazy. I've been in a very bad mood for 30 years."
12. "Sarcasm is just one more service I offer."
13. "Do they ever shut up on your planet?"
14. "I'm not your type. I'm not inflatable".
15. "Stress is when you wake up screaming and you realize you haven't gone to sleep yet."
16. "Back off!! You're standing in my aura."
17. "Don't worry. I forgot your name too."
18. "I work 45 hours a week to be this poor."
19. "Not all men are annoying. Some are dead."
20. "Wait...I'm trying to imagine you with a personality."
21. "Chaos, panic and disorder ..... my work here is done."
22. "Ambivalent? Well yes and no."
23. "You look like $hit. Is that the style now?"
24. "Earth is full. Go home."
25. "Aw, did I step on your poor little bitty ego?"
26. "I'm not tense, just terribly, terribly alert."
27. "A hard-on doesn't count as personal growth."
28. "You are depriving some village of an idiot."
29. "If a$$holes could fly, this place would be a f*cking airport."



Shaman

[gerard]

Kent mabe this is here but:

39) I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON!!! NOT WITH JACKHAMMERS...someone at the door again...chicks...

[Kent F. Kruhoeffer]

Dear guest of Japan:

I enjoy refreshing and challenging you with my unique point of view.

Thanks also to Shaman and gerard for your thoughtful additions to this silly piece of comic relief.

Chaos, panic, disorder - my work here is done.

Regards,
kEnt

[Jojo]

Kent and Company,

I must of missed this thread earlier..funny stuff. My two cents added.

"Pissed as a parrot"
"Been there, done that, got the tattoo!"
"When things look dark, hold your head up high so it can rain up your nose"
"Get a Life, Grab a brain"
"Life is too short to sweat the small stuff"
"Don't judge people by their relatives"
"Don't get your snot in a knot"
"I don't THINK so"
"Life is like hot sauce, once you start enjoying it you get burnt"
"Life without expectations would be velvet"
"The lights are on but nobody is home"
"A few beers short of a six-pack"
"Sex is like snow: You never know how many inches you are going to get or how long it is going to last"

[fluffhead]

these are awesome.


My contribution: That's a lovely sweater, does it come in your size?

[Kent F. Kruhoeffer]

Dear Jojo and fluffhead:

Thanks for the additions!

I really liked fluffhead's line. Now if we could apply that to Steiner and his now famous T-shirt? (See Steiner's avatar if you have no idea what I'm talking about.)

[Newfoundland]

1. "If I wanted your opinion. I'd give it to you."
2. Steve Tyler " Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most"
3. "Are you still talking"
4. "Theres ordinary. And then theres worldclass"
5. "Beauty is skin deep. But ugly goes right to the bone"
6. "If you admit that your wrong, Then I'll admit that i'm right"
7. "This is an A and B conversation, so you can C your way out of it"
8. "Your the load that should have been swallowed"

[jud]

I like:

"We're not laughing at you, we're laughing near you.." (Dead Poet's Society)

and

"She loves nature in spite of what it did to her." (Refers to Princess Margaret or Anne, can't remember which.)

[Will.]

I like
If you/I were organised you/I would be dangerous.
Well, you offered me the job.
I don't mind really, I am paid to listen to your rantings.

And a couple of favourites,

Did you ever meet your father?
Get thee hence fatherless child.

[Steiner]

"If you had half a brain you'd be twice as smart."

[Randall]

"If you were right, I'd agree with you."

"Just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand."

[R]

"Are you talking to me or chewing a brick? 'Cause either way, you're gonna lose teeth..."

Careful mate, you're...
cruising for a bruising
picking a kicking
aiming for a flaming (used on Dave's)

[Shonai Ben]

beat with an ugly stick
homely as a hedge fence
a face only a mother could love

PS: Rob,I like this avatar the best!