Job Discussion Forums

[frigginhippie]

accidentally put this in the off-topic forum:

English students always want to make friends, but inadvertently repel or offend the tourist or teacher they speak with. I'm making a "most unwelcome questions" list to help my students with their cross-cultural and international pursuits. I'm almost certain this was discussed before, but a search for the word "questions" returned 0 hits. Strange huh? Anyhow, what questions turn you off from what could be a genuinely kind, new friend? And what would you suggest in their place?

DISLIKE:
1-Where is you come from? (and other variants)
2- How long you in China?
3- Can you speak Chinese / How about your Chinese?
4- Do you like Chinese food?
5- Can you use chopsticks?
6- Can we be friends?
7- most yes/no questions
8- Qs that begin with "HOW do you think about"

PREFER:
1/2- "What do you miss from home?" follow with "How long has it been?"
3- "Ni hui shuo zhongwen ma?" Why beat around the bush? Or, just never ask, it'll come up naturally. It's not as if you want to speak Chinese, since you began the conversation in English. Sounds like a test of worth more than an inquiry.
4/5- Where/what would you like to eat?
6- Today I met a girl who said "I would like to play you basketball, okay?" That was way cool, and sincere. Also, "Would you like to go/do _____ on ____?"
7- be creative
8- "WHAT do you think about" or "How do you feel about"

Thanks for any help!
-fh

[Don McChesney]

Dislike.
How old are you.
Where is your family.
Are you not lonely
How much do you earn.
When are you going home.
Which food do you prefer, Western or China.
Which is your favourite food.
Can I have your QQ number/phone number/email so I can call you if I need help.

[frigginhippie]

that reminds me of a couple more:

DISLIKE:
Can I speak freely with you?
Can I practice my English with you?

PREFER:
never ask anything related to this subject. best to say "Are you busy now?" and take it from there.

[Jizzo T. Clown]

DISLIKE:

"What do you think about China?"

"Why don't you wear more clothes?"

"Are you cold / hot?"

LIKE: hmm....nothing comes to mind!

[vikdk]

dislike those who ask a question and then can't understand the answer - NO

and thats not just those who are trying to sell something - I've got a slight sympathy for them. I'm taking about "clingon" Chinese - those who wanna be your undying friend - who bore you to hell - who get drunk after half a beer - who can't watch a DVD if doesn't contain at least 5.000 deaths in the first five minutes - shit I could go on an on - by the way they're always guys - NO I DON'T WANT TO BE YOUR FRIEND

chinese girls lots of dumb questions but thankfully when you want em to be - they're non stick

[voodikon]

today i was walking with another foreign teacher across campus to a meeting. we were running a bit late, so we were walking pretty fast, though i waved to all of the students i recognized on the way so as not to be unfriendly. about a quarter of the way to the office, i suddenly hear footsteps coming from behind me, and then a chinese girl resents herself at my side, saying, "hello! i very want to make friends with all you!"

i looked at her. there was silence.

"um, ok," i finally replied.

"how about you now?" she asked.

i was thinking, to be honest, i was doing better before a three-foot-tall girl accosted me and forced me to eke out a painstaking conversation in 'english' with her, but i answered, "i'm ok. and you?"

and so it went. some of them just tend to go about it in such an awkward manner and want to "make friends" not based on any common interest or ... common anything, really, but for the transparent purpose of practicing their "spoken english" which is "poor." (another statement that always bugs me, since it implies that their written english, by contrast, is not poor, which frankly, it is not. yes, it is not not poor.)

it also bugs me when students ask for my phone number. no, i don't want you calling me at random, frankly. but i have no problem talking to people/giving them my phone number if there's a real, sincere reason to be doing so.

[kev7161]

The biggest bullets I have to dodge are:

Why aren't you married?
Don't you want to have children?
Do you want me to find you a Chinese wife/girlfriend?

I have my personal reasons for living a single life, none of which is anyone's business but my own. I had a helluva childhood with a father who married several times in his lifetime. I have a slew of siblings, half-siblings, and former step-siblings, nieces and nephews and now grand-nieces and nephews. I have taught for several years and am surrounded by children (from very young to young adults) - - that's enough for me thank you.

I'm happy NOT to have children and I have enough friends in my life. Should I want a "special" friend, that's up to me.

Now, try explaining that to a Chinese man (or woman) who thinks it is their duty to marry and have a child (regardless if they really want a wife/husband or that child), and it's near impossible.

[jeffinflorida]

While teaching a class there were some "outsiders' sitting there. I did not throw them out (my usually policy) and at the break one of the boys came up to me and announced "He wished to make friends with me..."

That is such a turn off! Like I want another chinese boy-friend.

Pretty girls ONLY!

[tw]

[Roger]

Jefflinflorida had guys sitting in on his lessons; I vividly remember a girl doing that in my evening classes held at a training centre. A member of the TC's staff checked at the beginning of each lesson whether all students were paying ones; she sneaked into the room when that staff was gone...

After the lesson she followed me to my flat; I tried to get rid of her, but she came anyway, knocking on the door of my flat until I opened.

Knowing how resourceful she was in circumventing class admission rules I decided it was not good policy to befriend her.

A while later my suspicions were confirmed: I gave in to her endless requests of borrowing my McDonald's VIP card (which I had been given free of charge courtesy of some manager); I demanded her wristwatch as a deposit, and she handed me that with no regrets.
She wasn't prepared to return that VIP card - ever; I had to coerce her (without using brute force, of course). She could only get one cup of Coke for free with it under condition that she buy another item on the menu.

[monju]

Great topic frigginhippie! The best topic in ages!

My students have tried to coerce me into going to their "English corner", and apart from the fact that the college doesn't pay me enough to work evenings, and that the one time I did go I got abused, my main reason for not going is the annoying/repellent/repulsive questions one continually gets asked! If I got 10kuai for each time I'd been asked ; "can you use chopsticks?" I'd be an RMB milllionaire instead of the pauper I now am! I think I could make a list of all the standard questions and print a list to give out instead of wasting energy responding to such inanity.

One question/request I've had all over China is "Can you sing us a song?" Everywhere I've been I've had this one. I've learned to disguise my contempt, but in my mind I'm thinking: "What am I, a F@#$%ng entertainer?". I had this question today and managed to use my well-studied , passive aggressive, non-committal Chinese response to avoid it (this was in a class, too)!

Has anybody else met with the recently evolved illness of "Crazy English Addiction"? The symptoms of said condition are: The student with this disorder approaches you in an irritating manner, proceeds to use a list of idiomatic English expressions incorrectly and won't stop harrassing you even after you have run through the gamut of your most persuasive non-verbal and metalinguistic signals : eyes rolled up into sockets, contempuous looks, defensive body language, grunting, hissing etc. Your only way out is to quietly whisper (smiling in true Chinese fashion): "@#*^ off or you'll fail your exam". So, anyone else net this?

On a more serious note, I think the way they ask the questions is often as much of a problem as the questions they ask. I 've been trying to instil this in my "oral" students recently - falling on deaf ears a bit I think! I even showed them the first episode of �Fawlty Towers� to get them thinking about this problem.

Another irritation is unwanted advice - which they love to give but hate to receive. I've noticed that they especially love to give unwanted advice to foreign teachers. I think giving unwanted advice is a way if showing care and concern for Chinese though - still , old dogs and all that!

[therock]

My favourite annoying question has to be "Do you like China?" it seems to be the question after where are you from.

[jeffinflorida]

[brsmith15]

I was once asked, "Do you think you're clever?" I then related a true story showing I wasn't very clever at all.

[sheeba]

Just get in there first guys . Ask THEM the stupid questions . I just try to piss them off so they sod off . It's quite amusing sometimes . Ask a lot of Why questions in Chinese or English -For example 'Why are you so ugly?'