Job Discussion Forums

[Roger]

Teaching is unlike most other occupations: you can do it abroad! And it is a profession wonderfully preoccupied with socialising.
Think of truckers or bureaucrats: both are relatively lonely while doing their chores; and if they quit their posts they won't get a new position in the same field abroad!
And why would we be engaged in socialising and fraternising if we didn't have the time to do it?
But we do, and that's why we have, perhaps, more opportunities, and, probably, a keener interest in ways and means to explore the heights and depths of romantic entanglements.
Before I came to China, I was deeply involved with a woman teacher; it was she who inspired me to go into teaching - in China of all places...
...where I met, among many others:

- No. 1, A*: Female
At that school, we were 2 Brits, me and 3 Americans as FTs; of the 3 Americans, one was a male veteran with at that time 7 years of teaching to his belt.
The other two were females, and as is likely to happen, they were like cat and dog towards each other. Furthermore, the fault line unequivocally separated Brits from Americans.
A. was married with a businessman husband whom she had left behind. At her age - which was 45 - it didn't seem to be unusual. She had been living on her own for a year in Ecuador.
A. lasted only one term; she had only one lung left due to some surgery. While in Guangdong, she complained daily about the ill effects of the dusty air. This seemed to be the reason why she quit early.
While she was in our college, a medium drama broke in my own life. I had a girlfriend in Hong Kong who would visit me frequently. She seemed to detect an unbecoming interest in me by A., although I was totally unaware of anything, and this lead to a temporary sploit between my girlfriend and me.
About a month before A. left - it was around Christmas time! - she suggested she and I go on a tour of the country together. Had my girlfriend been prophetic? I can only say I am glad we didn't follow through with these plans...
My girlfriend later warmed to me again.

- No. 2, G.: Male
I was assigned a two-bedroom flat with one living-room and two bathrooms... Before the term was over, the college decided to hire yet another FT. This happened to be G., a jovial man from the southern U.S.A.
There was no room left in the villa occupied by the 3 Americans so G. was accommodated in my flat. You can imagine how I felt...I had been spoilt before, now reality bit hard!
But in all fairness, G. and I got along very well thanks to his outgoing personality! He also was extremely popular with his students. He taught them Writing.
A little bio about G.:
He was 58 years of age, and his wife was still in the U.S.A., waiting for his reports on how well he was doing in China. The idea was for both of them to retire to Cathay, live on their retirement funds and make extra pocket money as teachers. It seemed a wonderful plan!
G. had been in the Navy; later he was a cop, then a principal. That's what he told me anyway, and I had no reason to disbelieve him.
There was one little titbit of information contained in a dialogue we had, that was to prove revealing: he asked me most seemingly innocently whether, if he invited a fellow teacher, he should pay for her separate hotel room, or whether the hotel would house the two of them in a double room...There was indeed a female teacher that paid him a visit every week, and G. told me she was married.
Anyway, I had a friend in Shanghai that phoned me once a forthnight or so, a former student at some NE university. She had had an American boyfriend who, unbelievably but true! - died from heart failure at age 45 in China! I was a mere platonic friend for her.
One day, G. answered the phone and I was sure it was my Shanghai friend calling, but G. kept talking to the person at the other end without beckoning me over; from the distance where I stood I couldn't understand every word but it seemed to me G. was getting agitated like a little schoolboy!
A week later, he showed me photographs - of my Shanghai friend who had sent these pictures to HIM...
As a matter of fact, I didn't feel any jealousy because I had my Hong Kong girlfriend. The drama picked up considerably, though, when his wife came to visit him in Guangdong; during that memorable visit they both made plans for her to move to China too...after selling their house back in America!
Well, she did sell it, but G. informed her just in time that she was going to have to live in a separate bedroom because of his infatuation with a girl half his own age!
I moved on to Shenzhen, where G. visited me in an attempt to borrow some funds for his wedding to that 29-year old CHinese girl. He told me his wife had taken her revenge on him and he was now pennieless...
And to show his remorse for whatever reason he thought he should feel it, he had in his tow another woman, a "businessgirl" from Dongguan; she was supposed to become my girlfriend - because G. still thought he had poached my "girlfriend" from me...
As far as I could ascertain, G. and his new wife moved to another province where G. took up farming! He was fed up with teaching...

- No. 3: L.
Before I moved from that college, my HK girlfriend fell out with me out of my perceived guilt of two-timing on her.
So, when I arrived in Shenzhen, I met L. from a small town in Yunnan. As I learnt much later, she had been granted one year's leave from her university to earn more money than her employer could pay her; she had what in those days were still routinely called an "iron-rice-bowl job:, i.e. a permanent civil-servant position that neither she nor her employer could terminate against the other's intention. Thus, she was a teacher too!
I still have some of tmy fondest memories of L although in the end she did me in in a most nasty and cruel way.
She was one of the very few Chinese persons that could find happiness in reading novels, and L. devoured English novels besides Chinese books imported from Taiwan! She also was an outdoors person; one day, we hiked for 6 hours in a country park to the east of Shenzhen and got lost in the forest; we had to sleep in the darkness of a forest on an isolated mountain!
We did have one little problem, though: every week, L would badger me about going out, spending money on restaurants and bars. I was absolutely unwilling to dine out and be stared at by hordes of uncouth migrant businessmen! Her pushing and complaining grew in volume and violence so much that our neighbours became acutely aware of our domestic situation.
She quit 3 or 4 good jobs and finally began tutoring Chinese adults in English. She did this so adroitly and successfully she was making twice to thrice my salary, and she still demanded I maintain her...
Almost naturally, she eventually spent nights away from our home (which my employer paid for); normally I would know her female friend who was playing hostess for a night.
But one evening, I became a bit alarmed when she failed to show up late in the evening. I called her pager. She returned the call; I managed to ask her to give me her host's telephone number in case an emergency... she hung up on me!
The next night she was at home but unwilling to discuss the previous evening, and I didn't want a nasty scene, so I kept quiet. In fact, she was unusually initiative in pushing me to our bedroom. This had never happened before. In the middle of the night she sighed and said, "oh my God, I think I must go to the drugstore to buy a morning-after pill..." Which she did the very same night. Two more nights, and it was my birthday; she gave me a red rose and some cosmetic product as a gift; a bunch of adult students from my class were in our cramped flat too. It was a great evening.
Later that month she hinted she might be pregnant in spite of swallowing the morning-after pill...
A few weeks later, she was diagnosed as pregnant; we had a very perfunctory discussion in which she seemed to be determined to do away with that unborn person before it was born.
And so we went one early Saturday morning in search of an abortionist. My role was to be nothing other than a physical supporter and the financier of the operation. After that, she lay down for 3 days and had a friend cook special food for her. I was just a tolerated presence in my flat.
L. left for Yunnan just before the spring festival got under way.
She called me a few times, inviting me to visit her family, but on one of these occasions we got into some argument; that was when she told me, "do you know where I spent that night when you were looking for me? I made love to another man..."
Of course, the foetus she aborted was not my child...

- No. 4,: J
J was a female teacher colleague at that training centre I worked; never had I thought of her as anything other than a peer!
When L faded out of my life she started courting me. She was very straightforward about it: she meant to marry a foreign national under any circumstance. No CHinese man needed apply!
I told her I didn't feel like moving from China to another country at the moment; to which she replied, "I don't understand you! Why don't you go back to your country? People enjoy better lives there!"
That was a very common reasoning at that time, and I knew what mindset dictated it, hence my low interest in her!
Finally, she offered me to pay me to marry her! You read alright: she offered me money in order to become her husband...
I wanted to know why anyone would be so desperate as to offer me pecuniary rewards for marrying them. Her answer was honest and, again: very simple:

Her parents had decided she must get married no later than 1996! They had already agreed with the parents of a Jiangxi man on the date and dowry!
My admiress was totally averse to marrying this man!
I was supposed to be her saviour!
In the end, she resorted to advertising in a Sydney, Oz, daily, and several months later she introduced her Australian future husband to me... What a relief!

- No. 5, C.: Male
This foreign teacher played only a minor role in my life, but a rather interesting one.
He and I were parttime teachers at a training centre. He seemed to be a real gentleman, which you can gauge from the following: one day, a female staff of that training centre confided to me that her male boss was asking for sexual favours from her as a payment so she could keep her job. When I told my FT colleague about this, he was full of braggadocio as any man worthy the designation 'man' should be.
We desisted from action, though.
He was not just a man given to braggadocio - he had certain views on which there could be no compromise - either you were with him, or you were his adversary...
One such opinion was that China was not over-populated; for some reason I had opined to him that I could well understand why the central government implemented a strict population policy. He thought otherwise and told me to shut up or to incur his permanent wrath...
This extreme view of his was the product of his religious instruction, as I later learnt. He belonged to the Mormone sect. In the U.S>A., he had pro forma divorced his American wife - so that he could legally marry a Chinese citizen and spread his seed and creed.
He was astonishingly successful at the latter: within 2 years, his wife conceived twins! His extended Mormon family must by now comprise several dozen sect members...

- No. 6, T.
He was just 24 years of age and had come to China in search of himself! Yes, he didn't quite know what he wanted, what he was expecting from life or from himself.
I met him one day when I was having a Muslim lunch in a small hole-in-the-wall eatery behind a hotel in downtown Shenzhen. It was a most incongruous place to meet a fellow foreign person!
He was there because he was networking with all kinds of Chinese people, and since he had studied Mandarin in Germany he had a leg up over many foreign job seekers.
I said he was in search of himself for want of a better description: he and I had regular discussions on what we prioritisied in our lives; he was a dreamer, philosopher, what is called in German "Weltverbesserer" i.e. someone who wants to imrpove the whole world, a not uncommon tendency in Germany...
I didn't see anything to oppose to his views but realism prevailed in my judgement. He thought Africa was the last natural resort where people ate natural foods rather than man-made convenience foods.
Anyway, much to my surprise this man one day became my teacher colleague! My boss thought he could use him where I had pioneered before; my picture was run in the local newspapers. What did it matter that the actual FT looked differently to the one in the newspaper advert?
My boss despatched me to Shandong province - where I ended up having to deal with the PSB over my position as an illegally-employed FT (my work visa was valid for Shenzhen!). I also had to explain why I was living in a block of flats without the permission of the PSB...My boss eventually "explained", paid an astronomical fine - and, after recalling me to Shenzhen, dismissed me AND that T. character!
The problem he had with T was that he soon fell out with students, costing my boss enrollments!
Last thing I knew of T was that he was preparing to marry a local girl from Hainan... Maybe he is still in the country, but I doubt he is teaching English!

- No. 7, S., female
Several years later, when I had registered as member of Dave's eslcafe, I received a PM asking me why I had "deleted" her such-and-such thread!
Did someone think I was a moderator?
I replied in the negative, informing that lady that I had no idea what she was writing about.
She soon seemed to forget about that "thread" - if it ever existed - and PMed me again. Her messages became ever more promising and enticing; finally she got me to give her one of my email addresses.
Not long after, I received a photograph from her via email! She was at that time 29, and you can certainly say her picture showed her to her highest advantage!
She would at that time address me in the most heart-warming manner though I still have no idea why she chose me to be so intimate! She said she had been married to an Indian but divorced him; finally, I made plans to casually check her out and intimated to her that I was planning to visit her town... That's when the tone of her PMs chilled; it was terse and impersonal" Hi, welcome to B. I am busy these days and am not sure I can see you...my fiancee and I have made plans to meet up in X...soon..."
I don't know what the lesson was in this case: maybe I should have been more proactive? But I wasn't the one that started it in the first place... And, honestly, the person was a Slavian who might some day have to return to her home country; what would I be doing there? Spassibo, niyet spassibo!

- No. 8, F., male
One of my best colleagues, a CHinese ENglish teacher. I taught at his college in a rural part to the west of GUangzhou; the students were lovely, my colleagues were lovely too, and still, there were some vultures flying over the scene...
F. invited me to his home just outside the school gate; he lived in a block of flats that was built by the college; he was one of the few who had bought his apartment at a very advantageous price!
F. introduced me to some very important people in the local government, but above all, I appreciated his friendship. I could go to his home at any moment.
And that was a little special. F. was married and they had a daughter; her father doted on her as no other father does! Her mother, however, seemed to be stiff and unfeeling towards her child.
SOmetimes the three ate together, but more often the father was alone with his girl child. I came along to prepare Turkish coffee for my firend and for myself. I bought special coffee in Hong Kong and used an Armenian coffee pot I had brought from Moscow. F. valued this daily scene like curchgoers appreciate candles! A work day without a freshly-brewed coffee after lunch was not a normal day for F and for me!
So, where came his wife into the picture?
Sad, sad story: they had been married for 12 years; the mother made a hell more money as a clerk than her teacher husband did; she gambled her extra income away every week, and what gains she made she refused to share with him.
On the other hand, she had visitors in their apartment every month - her brother, her mother, some cousin, and of course, F had to look after them.
I only lived one year in that neighbourhood (my flat was inside the school premises), but my friend told me one day in no uncertain words that he was going to divorce his wife because they never slept together, had never done so for 8 years...
One night, the whole school compound was woken by a shrill hysterical female voice: the wife of my friend went berserk upon hearing of his plans to divorce her! She was calmed down by the security personnel.
The divorce went through a few months later; my friend got custody of his daughter with no problem...
The wife got a fat cash settlement upon being instigated by her own mother to ask for it!
That was not the end of the tragedy: several weeks after the divorce, the wife kidnapped her own daughter - to extort money from her ex in exchange for his child... OF course, she had to give her up in the end. Today, he is a relaxed man, freshly connected to a new girlfriend...

- No. 9, P., male
He is a rotund, middle-aged Chinese-American who has been in China since the 1980s. I met him in our estate. He told me he was by profession a physician but he had come to China as an agent of some ill-defined business. I actually met one of his partners - or wsas he a CEO? - but I felt it would be impolitic to ask what kind of business they were involved in.
P. certainly speaks American English with no trace whatsoever of any foreign origin. He claims to be unable to speak proper Mandarin, though, but every time I witnessed his interactions with locals he spoke perfect Cantonese; however, he says he spends a lot of time travelling to the North. THat's why it is a little dubious whether he speaks no Mandarin.
Anyway, P. has been an excessively reliable man as far as my personal needs went; in fact, I served him before I ever required anything from him.
One day he told me he was "burnt out", kaput, tired, despondent. Could I assist him in finding something useful to do? Of course, he knew I was into education; he was really toying with the idea of teaching English!
I introduced him to a GUangzhou training centre which flatly refused to hire him on account of his ethnicity! Yet, the boss herself couldn't speak English and had to ask one of her downlines to translate this message to him! I was crestfallen!
THis was no good beginning for a man like P. who was burnt out! In time we found more accommodating and willing employers - including one training centre for adults and a kindergarten. The interesting thing was that P. actually became so successful he could make a decent amount of money (don't forget, his expat income used to be considerably higher than what any well-paid English teacher gets in China!). He and I often worked together, teaching adults in in-house English classes at company headquarters or little kids in a kindergarten.
About 2 years on, and P. quit teaching altogether... Not sure why.

- No. 10, G., female
This is another PM story that started innocently enough. She was an occasional poster here too. About one year ago, she began PM'ing me regularly. From her writings, I judged she was none too happy in China but she was willing to stick it out. She described in great detail how she planned her lessons, and how her lessons went; I really felt she was a very dedicated educator. The truth was that she had no dedicated teacher education but she was gifted, sociable, child-friendly. Why she chose to get in touch with me has been a mystery ever since she asked me to allow her to write me not as another poster but as a "friend".
Whereupon I wrote her that I was proud and happy to have such a, no, not 'girlfriend' but 'girl firend'...
She got the point and we continued for months exchanging our daily experiences, hopes, desires.
Her time in China was up a few months ago and she came to visit me...
I went to receive her at the airport, not knowing where she was going to stay.
She was a little breezy at the exit and insisted we take a taxi which she would pay even though there was a bus to almost the same destination.
The taxi cost her over RMB 100.
I decided she should choose: my university apartment or my own home. We went to my home.
I cooked for the two of us; she presented me with a bottle of gewuerztraminer! It was an exquisite choice of a wine! When she handed the bottle over to me, I wanted to kiss her as we would do in France - by kissing her on her cheek or her forehead! In approaching her, I closed my eyes, and found my mouth hitting hers...
I then surrendered my bedroom to her and slept in the living-room.
This arrangement remained in force until the day we moved back to Guangzhou; on that day she was a little moody. I have no idea why. I do remember, though, that the evening before I decided to stop asking silly questions and to listen to her talk; she fell silent. Then, I asked her whether her plan of visiting Yangshuo still stood; she answered she wasn't sure whether she had enough money...
So, when we arrived in Guangzhou by bus, I walked her to a STARBUCKS where she ensconced herself in a plush sofa while I went about some affair of my own.
When I returned she had decided to visit yet another friend, one I knew from several years before.
And that was that. She was soon gone, never to write again, never to speak to me again even though she was still in Guangzhou for a few more days.
She is now in Britain.

- No. 11, N., female
She has been a long-standing friend of mine! It all began when I was teaching adults in a small Shunde training centre. Among the evening class attendees was N.
What's so remarkable about her is her singlemindedness, her iron will to achieve her goals!
N. is now about 30 years old and still single. She had at first a job as some office clerk; her dream was to be an ENGLISH teacher...
That's why she signed up for those adult classes.
She next enrolled at some university to study pedagogy, Japanese, English - in her spare time; she finally took the exam and failed by a few points (for her Japanese) to get a "bachelor's! I was stupefied to learn that some universities market Bachelor's degrees, then Master's. She told me she could go on trying to do a Master's; with that she could teach at public schools!
Did this woman have any other interests?
One day, she virtually invited herself to my home. She arrived by motor scooter, travelling the whole 16 kms by herself, wobbling like crazy on a two-wheeler she hardly knew how to steer... The last one km I was in charge, and she sat on the luggage rack...
We did some English, and she so pressed herself upon me that I felt the heat rising in me. My hands then did touch her in ways they shouldn't have done, but it was just that, and no more; N. remained stockstill, showing no sign of disapproval or otherwise...
I am glad we left it at that. When I met her again - maybe two months on - it was in her flat, and with friends. That's when I learnt she had a "boyfriend". THis boyfriend was not quite in agreement with her goal of becoming a teacher but he didn't oppose her openly.
About one year ago, she phoned me in a state of great agitation. Again, she demanded I see her, and no public place would do. Being a friend of mine, I dropped her my address, and she promptly came there.
And so she apprised me that her long-time boyfriend and herself had split up... Not because she had after long last graduated with a Master's...
No, the reason was far more prosaic, or, perhaps, explosive: her Taiwanese boyfriend (did she tell me before he was a Taiwanese?) couldn't marry her because his Taiwanese wife (did she tell me before her boyfriend was a husband of another woman?) was not going to let him have any of their estate - either he gave up his Taiwanese wife and his estate, or his Chinese girlfriend...
And how was my divorce going, N . asked me at the end of her tale. Well, it wasn't at that time finished. "Would you consider marrying another CHinese woman after your divorce?"
I am glad to report that N. has in the meantime found her match - another English teacher in a small town just 25 kms from her home...

[Louras]

I ask again, Roger. What is the point of these posts? Are you that bored? We could not care less about your life. Why do you insist in telling us all this? Ask the kind people at Dave's to get you your own forum. This is not a blogsite! Please stick to snotty remarks from the selfrighteous individual you are.
Thanx

[Super Mario]

Just scroll through 'em like I do.

[erinyes]

talking about blogs (were we?) has anyone else had problems getting into blogspot.com ?

I can post onto blogger, but can't view in blogsopt. Dam Censorship!

And I don't mind Roger�s posts. Sometimes I get board. I haven�t finished reading yet, but I am wondering if Roger likes anyone in the world - or did he just pick the a-holes to tall us about?

[therock]

Actually I thought this post from Roger was interesting. If Roger wants to write long posts like this, then goodluck to him.

[Horizontal Hero]

[andyscott84]

I think that this is relevant as you do get into some crazy scenarios in this job. Most people considering doing this, don't realise how they will be thrust into the spotlight upon going abroad. The more eccentric types are usually the ones brave enough to approach you and speak. I know I've met my fair share too.

[Susie]

Roger posted his post for his own reasons.

He probably spent a long time doing it.

I think the post tells me a lot about Roger's character, his experiences, and about his perception of those he has come into contact with in China.

I think Roger was hurt deeply by L. and what she did was hurtful to him and mostly to herself. I pity her.

Anyway, maybe Roger is preparing to leave China or perhaps he has found a publisher of his book.

If you don't want to read his post, then, don't read it. I really don't see why you feel the need to say unkind things like "we don't care about your life". You just don't need to write that kind of thing.

I'm glad you published that post Roger. I don't think Dave Sperling objects to Roger's having posted that post, do you Dave?

[Jizzo T. Clown]

"Gives those new to TEFLing an inside perspective..."

--ELT News

"Almost brought a tear to my eye. Not really, but almost."

--TEFL Magazine

"It makes me even prouder to be Chinese. I love my country."

--Quote from one of Roger's students

"Hey, he's the primary poster on this board, he deserves space to begin work on his novel."

--Jizzo Tiberius Clown

[Henry_Cowell]

I, for one, would love to read what Roger's colleagues had to say about HIM!!

Possible quotes

"Oh, he was the guy who ran screaming out of the classroom every time his students wanted to practice conversation."

"That S. African chap with the anti-American slogans above his desk?"

[Louras]

Are you South African, mate?

[Roger]

[cj750]

[Roger]

Thanks, cj750, I appreciate your comments enormously as I did Suzie's. I will try to be nicer to you in future!

[KES]

Thanks for the laughs!!

My favorite quotes: