Job Discussion Forums

[Yawarakaijin]

First of all let me be absolutely very very clear. I am not posting this in order to offend anyone or demean the ESL profession in any way

Do any of you know any good places to meet nice, well educated, normal Japanese/Foreign women? Notice how I did not say "hook up with" or "nail" or anything like that. It is just that I (and I imagine quite a few other men here) have gotten past the point where just "scoring" is our main priority.

I try to hit Izakaya's /pubs that mainly cater to Japanese and are not the usual hangouts of the "oh wow, you're a gaijin" type girls but admittedly it's been hit and miss.

So if anyone knows of any cool places where one can meet decent girls and avoid the language leeches or the gaijin boyfried status seekers maybe we can share our info here.

Maybe some of the ladies have the same questions, feel free to post your thoughts as well

Hope everyone is having a good week

[Doglover]

[Brooks]

http://plaza.harmonix.ne.jp/~able/ec96/

there is another group that meets in Higashi-Ginza. I think it is ec88.
Those people go out to eat after their class on Fridays. Sometimes they meet in Tokyo and do stuff, while speaking English to each other.

This group is good for people who don`t know much Japanese, but want to meet Japanese people.

[Yawarakaijin]

Thanks for the replies guys, good options for sure. I have some friends who have gone to those international get togethers and they had a good time.

I was,however, thinking more along the lines of good establishments in the Tokyo area that attract a certain kind of person. Establishments that attract the types of girls you see walking down the street and say "wow" ( i know the difference between a hostess and a beautiful woman) Places were,preferably, the girl will just see a man as a man and not as an English teacher or trophy. It has been my experience that these kinds of women don't visit the usual gaijin hangouts.

So are there any cool places out there? Visited any spots that stand out in your mind?

[Doglover]

[Yawarakaijin]

Ok fair enough. I knew I might get a few people wondering what my motives may be, I tried to avoid sounding like I was just on the prowl or something.

My Japanese is ok, I dont have any problems in social settings. The main thrust is that I really hate going to the regular gaijin haunts in Tokyo. Come on we all know these places! They are the places that all the newbies are recommended to go after they ask their coworker " hey, where can i pick up"? They are the places that women go to catch an English speaking boyfriend or something like that.


I tried to make it clear that those are the establishments I want to avoid. Does anyone get what im trying to say?

As well, the thread was not only in regards to Japanese women.

Back home there were bars and clubs where people went to get laid. Back home their were places people just went to have a good time and meet others (bonus if the men/women were nice looking). Is this a obscure concept?

[Yawarakaijin]

It would just be nice to learn about a few of the options out there, it's such a big city.


Example: Hey whats up? Went to a pub l called (insert name here) last weekend it was cool. It was pretty fun, good music, good atmosphere. Wasnt full of newbie teachers looking to get laid or girls wanting free English lessons.

The girls there were pretty and seemed pretty cool. I'm going back next week.


Thats all

[genkigirly]

It may be silly, but why don't you make some friends and then meet thier friends. I have loads of Japanese and foreign female friends that are looking for a nice guy. Most of my Japanese friends speak awesome English and have lived abroad for university or while they were growing up. Most of my fellow foreign female friends are career woman with masters degrees. Both sets are looking for decent guys and not having much luck in this city.

P.S. I think anyone worth knowing doesn't really want to go to any of the gaijin haunts in Tokyo

[Doglover]

[Montbell]

I think part of the problem is that the women you're talking about don't congregate at pubs and such.
When I was bored in Osaka, this is what I and my Japanese girlfriends did: joined a French cooking class, went to photo exhibits, attended wine tasting parties, joined a foreign film group where we would watch a boring film directed by some dead European and sip outrageously expensive wine, frequented classical music concerts, that sort of stuff.
The French cooking class was a winner, there were 3 guys in it, and they were fought over like champion puppies at a dog show.

All my friends spoke great English, lived or studied abroad, had advanced degrees, good jobs, and were bored with the bar/pub scene.

[markle]

I think that Montbell and genkigirly have the right idea. Even back home bars and pubs are not places you go for relationships.

The same problem occurs in Thailand. I met my wife at a British film festival through a friend of a friend

[malcoml]

I think you are going to find it quite hard as there is still a lot of culture and tradition in the Japanese society.
Most decent women as put are likely very conservative and come from a conservitive family. Japanese people in my opinion are the most concerned by what their peers think of them than any other culture in the world.
For this reason unless you are rich, have a respectable job with a well known company, and come from a respected bloodline chances are that you will not find a decent girl in Japanese society.

On the other hand chances are very high that you will find quite a nice Gaijin hunter but remember her initial contact with you is because you are a walking talking fashion item for her on Friday nights.

Anyway what does it matter how, where or for what reason you meet. Plenty of men meet so called mail order brides over the internet and go on to live very happy lives.
You need to ask yourself what are your chances of finding a decent girl in you own culture and then ask why it would be any different you finding one in another.

[JimDunlop2]

Now, now, malcolm.... We don't need to depress the guy....

Sure, finding a "decent" girl is more challenging, but I don't think it's quite as bad as you put it. I know a number of people who have married Japanese spouses (of either gender) that are very happy... One couple has even been together for almost 50 years! They're like the mixed-race grandparents I never had! Otherwise, I know couples who have children together, haved lived in either Japan or abroad, and people whose lives seem quite happy. That's not to say they don't have problems, especially cross-cultural ones, but I think it's definitely do-able.

I think the reason why many people end up with "gaijin hunters" or the other extreme, ultra-conservative snobs whose bloodlines must be at least a dark shade of blue... is because they are just looking in all the wrong places (and for the wrong people).

As for sticking to one's one "race" or culture.... Why? I don't see anything wrong with liking something different. I have brown hair. No one sane would tell me, "Jim, you really should marry another brown-haired person" when they know my preference is redheads...

Anyway, I don't want to pick on ya, man.... But I think yamawakaijin's questions are quite legit.

[Doglover]

My wife is not a Japanese" woman, but a woman who 'happens' to be Japanese. You dont marry or date a flag or a nationality, but a person. Obviously there are going to be more woman who are not foreigners here, but i for one am not hung up on a person's ethnicity, and I guess the OP isnt either. The majority seem to be though, as foriegners dont come all the way to japan to meet and socialise with other foreigners.


Some of these people get hung up on a persons ethnicity or race without considering the person for who they are.

I am posting on another thread on Gaijinpot where one guy said he knew guys dating japanese women, who had steady japanese boyfriends, and the 'gaijinn' foriegner was like a diversion or a plaything. Women were also ambivalent about having a serious foreign boyfriend. Obviously a few women will see you as just being a man and nothing more, but the majority here will see you as a gaijin first, as thats what you are, you can't escape it, any more than they can escape being 'Japanese'.

[Henry_Cowell]

Just out of curiosity, Yawarakaijin, what is your age?