Job Discussion Forums

[Le Creature]

I've been living in Japan for just over a month and did my teacher training in Nagoya where it was fairly english-friendly. I'm now stationed in Omika (near Mito in Ibaraki) and am feeling quite isolated/alienated and home sick. I've had an enjoyable time so far but the constant staring is getting to me a bit.

I guess this is part of the whole 'culture shock' phase so I just want any suggestions on how to deal with it and turn it into a positive experience.

[wintersweet]

I think I hit bottom around 1 1/2-2 months, and near the 3-month mark, things clicked and I could deal with life (this was in Taiwan). Based on a presentation I saw at Berkeley last year, this is a pretty common schedule (obviously, not universal!). So I'd say "hanging in there" is a big part, along with The Usual advice such as working on the local language, joining clubs, avoiding alienated/pessimistic expats, blah blah.

On a meta-level, I read some research that said people who are able to take objective views of their own cultures (perhaps with a little anthropology or sociology study in their backgrounds) tend to do better overall with culture shock. That's more a prepare-ahead-of-time thing, though. *G*

[guest of Japan]

I agree that you are going through a pretty normal of culture shock. As for the staring - stare back. It can be a bit of a game. Actually, eventually you'll stop noticing the staring. It could be because you start walking with hunched shoulders staring at your own feet like salarymen.

[Yawarakaijin]

Pretty tough to answer as we dont know too much about your situation. I don't know very much about Omika as well but I am guessing its pretty small.

I spent my first year in Japan in a pretty backwater city in Hokkaido and there wasnt very much to do. I've been in Tokyo for about two years now and sometimes I find myself wishing I was back in Kushiro.

Here is what I suggest. Try getting out there. I found small town people extremely friendly up in Hokkaido. I would head out to local izakayas and had no problem striking up conversations. That goes for bars as well.

Perhaps some people feel its a little odd heading out to restaraunts or bars alone back home as 99% of the other customers will all be with a friend or friends but it seems that japan is different in that respect.

If you do drink head out to a bar and you will be sure to strike up conversations quite easily. There will be alot of other people, male and female enjoying a drink alone and its not hard to break the ice. I've been to some bars that actively discourage customers from sitting apart from each other at the bar, they will actually ask you to sit beside another person who is drinking alone.

Some of the best times I ever had in Japan started out with me just popping into a local izakaya or bar for a quick bit to eat or a drink and having it turn into crazy night.

Put yourself out there. After you have a couple good nights out on the town that came about simply because you were a foreigner those stares you get while walking about town won't seem so consequential.

Sure we get treated differently here and occasionally its not always for the best but I find that having the right attitude here is extremely important. Up in Kushiro I would sometimes be denied entrance to a bar or onsen because I was a foreigner but for everytime that happend I had 10 great experiences that came about simply because I was a foreigner here. Am i saying we should just ignore some of the racism that exists here?of course not, just dont let those bad days ruin what could be a great experience.

I know its been extremely vague but I dont know alot about your particular situation. I've just seen too many people get down on japan because of a bad day or a percieved notion of the people here. Put yourself out there and you will find the people to be really great. Hope it helps.

[Sweetsee]

That's right, stare back. It can be fun to catch someone staring at you and watch their reaction as you stare them down, not menacingly but just deep eye contact.
Another fun thing to do is to see how native you can go, imitate their behavior and mannerisms; the way you sit, walk, read your paper, etc.
Most importantly, smile a lot and the world will smile with you.

Good luck to you, it's no big.

[Big John Stud]

I do agree getting homesick after the first month or two is common the first time one is living in a different culture.
However, I don't agree with staring back. Trying speaking to someone staring at you or just great them with a simple, konnichiwa. By being friendly you might make some friends, who can help you adjust more quickly.
Another advice is start doing new activities.
Just to let you know, I never notice if someone is staring at me.
Good luck!

[poof]

For me, joining a local club always helps me feel I'm part of the community. It's never mattered whether I can speak the local language or not - although it helps. Have you ever tried to get involved in martial arts? How about a traditional music class or art class? Never think that you are too old to start in something like this. Martial arts is especially good because you don't have to communicate too much. You just watch and follow. You can also improve your physical condition which in turn can boost your esteem and make it easier to handle isolation.

Once you feel that a certain group of people know you, then it doesn't seem to matter that everyone else stares at you. People in such clubs are often so interested to get a foreign member, that they are often overwhelmingly helpful and you can quickly build up your own network.

Having access to media from your home region - such as familiar TV progs or internet news can also help a lot with homesickness.

For me, the biggest problem is actually returning home, not going to a new country. Re-integrating back into your home society can be surprisingly hard when you've been away for a long time.

Gambatte!

[Sweetsee]

This is also a good time for personal enrichment. Think of things you have always wanted to do and start. Go to a recycling shop and pick up an instrument, get a book, take walks and explore. Start thinking about how much you wanted to be here and go from there. Guaranteed if you went home right now you would be soon bumming. Before you know it you will have some fun and be over it, this wave will pass.
Keep your head up!

P.S. I like what you said John about not staring back but saying hello instead, good one!

[luckyloser700]

[Sweetsee]

Thanks LL!

[luckyloser700]

[kdynamic]

What you're going through is normal. Culture shock goes in cycles. And a big part of it is probably simple transitional stuff like you'd go through moving to a far away town back in your home country too. Just realize every day can't be sunny and you'll get more settled in as time goes on.

However, it never really goes away... you will continue going through the cycle as long as you stay in Japan. Here's is a thread I started when I was on a downswing a while back, focusing on the staring thing. People had some good advice to check it out:
http://www.eslcafe.com/forums/job/viewtopic.php?t=37096&postdays=0&postorder=asc&start=0

Also don't forget the basics: eat right, sleep enough, exersize, get laid

[luckyloser700]

[stillnosheep]

Le Creature,

Most of us have been through it, to a greater or lesser extent. Most of the proposed remedies will help. Learning a martial art joining a football club, finding a friendly local izakaya - are there any Korean or Brazilian izakaya nearby, they can be very foreigner friendly. Don't sit indoors all th etiome becoming slowly more alienated, although reading some quality books and listening to the BBC on the net can be great. Do get out into the country. Take th etrain or buy a bike. Head for the mountains. Feel the breeze, find a little path with trees and a stream, maybe even a waterfall somewhere.

Take deep breaths. Relax. Try to smile more. It does pass.

[Sweetsee]

Nice post SNS!