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[funky_dunc]

Whenever I have been out with a Chinese girl in Nanjing we have ended up being stared at, mainly by middle-aged men. If we're inside these guys follow up their staring with laughter-riddled conversations where every second phrase is "lao wei." Often the girl I've been with gets pretty upset, forcing me to approach these pricks.

I'm a 6ft 1 former rugby player so usually once I've approach them they tend to shut up pretty quickly. However I don't enjoy being aggressive with people(hence why I am a former rugby player).

I don't expect Utopia in Taiwan but do people make as big deal about Chinese girls hanging out with/going out with lao wei as they do on the mainland?

[TaoyuanSteve]

You will encounter the lao wai 老外 comments and stares here as well. Be aware that the term is largely neutral, simply denoting "foreigner"-- though it would be nice if more people developed a sensitivity for foreign people and used these terms less often. We are ethnic minorities living in largely homogenous places and I guess we have to get used to that reality. I think you might expect less of this sort of behaviour from somewhat more internationalized Taiwanese--especially in Taipei-- but you can expect to experience some form of it from time to time.

[jonks]

[Welshguy]

I've actually witnessed on several occasions people in mixed race relationships being physically attacked. One charmer hit this white guy with a bottle in Roxy 99 and shouted dont talk to taiwan girls at him as he lay bleeding on the floor. The thing that winds them up is that having a foreign boyfriend is a big deal for quite a lot of local ladies. Its quite easy to pull even for perennial not quite babe magnet to be honest types like me!

However, I would hesitate to suggest that this would be daily occurence but I have personally seen stuff like that on 8 or 9 occasions and have anecdotal evidence of plenty more. Having said that it hasn't happened to yet.

Case of wrong place wrong time I suppose.

[funky_dunc]

[markholmes]

My friend at university (a Palestinian Costa Rican with pale skin and blond curly hair - go figure) punched out a guy in a restaurant in Guilin. My friend was having dinner with his Chinese girlfriend and one of the guys on the next table called her a prostitute.

I wouldn't suggest following my friends example, but I think he felt better afterwards.

[Dr_Zoidberg]

They pull shit like that because they figure the lao wai doesn't understand what they're saying, so they can get away with it.

A good way to deal with it is to be able to lay right into them in public, in their own language, and LOUDLY so everyone within a mile can hear it.

Make the *beep* lose face, that's the ultimate humiliation for a Chinese.

[TaoyuanSteve]

[dangerousapple]

Absolutely. When I have a loudmouth sitting next to my wife and I, I ignore him until he says something really stupid, and then all I do is switch to Chinese with her. He usually shuts up and leaves immediately, although occasionally I do have to turn and politely ask him (in Chinese) to lower his voice, as I am trying to have a conversation. Being extremely polite and using proper Chinese embarrasses the crap out of him, as he loses face to a foreigner. Humiliation trumps intimidation every time.

[Dr_Zoidberg]

[DirtGuy]

funky_dunc:

Found your posting and the replies most interesting. I would think nothing of getting into a fist fight should such a thing happen here but then we're not talking about "here", are we?

Talked to a buddy of mine in Shin Beitou who lives with his TW gf. She is a mountain girl and it is quite obvious by looking at her face. I do not know if this affects anything. My buddy is aware of the feelings of many TW men via their looks/actions but he has never encountered a situation such as you describe. No-one has ever said anything either directly to him or within earshot. He says he actually gets negative comments from other (TW) teachers when he shows up to teach in shorts and sandals and gets away with it!!!

Now I have a question for you: The women you go out with surely must know of the reaction they will get from being seen with a Westerner. I am curious as to why they still go out with you knowing such situations will occur. I know, I know, such a question could elicit tons of off-the-wall responses but I really do mean this seriously.

Thanks.

DirtGuy

[funky_dunc]

Re-reading my post I think I made myself sound like a total thug and womaniser, I think I'd better clarify a few things.

Firstly, I have only had one Chinese GF. The girls I am describing are just friends. I think a couple would like to be more, and who knows what the future holds, but right now they are not. I do have mal Chinese friends but I find that the majority of native friends I have here are female.

Secondly, I have never, ever resorted to violence in China. Indeed the last time I hit someone was 12 years ago outside my primary school gates. I really do not like violence. This is why I am a former rugby player. The older you get in rugby the more likely you are to be playing with glorified thugs who get their kicks hurting people. I switched to running some time ago. However, I do still have the build of a rugby winger.

As others have said face matters in China. I do not speak fluent Chinese and, though I would prefer to use my superior manners, cannot do this. When I go up to the guys I am describing I have no intention of hitting them. From my experience, Chinese people are great at speaking behind people's backs but bad at dealing with direct challenges. When they get a foreigner who is a lot bigger then them coming over and saying Sha ma (sorry, don't know the proper piyin) they shut up very quickly. I've even seen one guy run away. Looking like a wimp in front of a foreigner I assume loses them much face as I've noticed many people leaving after I do something like this.

DirtGuy, good question. My analysis is as follows, disagree if you want. I thinks that girls in China, just like girls in Britain after the war, are quite curious about new people. In Britain in the '40s and '50s, white women were usually more open to the idea of being friends with black men than white men were. Similarly, I think Chinese girls are more open to the idea of being friends with foreingers than Chinese men. I have noticed that you don't see many foreign women hanging out with Chinese men but you do see a lot hanging out with Chinese women. Just like those white Britih women, the Chinese women have to take some serious s**t from native men but, again like the white British women, don't see why this means that they shouldn't do something they want to do.

If your asking about why me personally, I was educated at a fairly elite Edinburgh school that left me very well-spoken. A lot of them have me pegged as the quintissential English gentleman (despite the fact that I'm Scottish) or a BBC newsreader and are intrigued by me as a result. I think they expect me to start acting like someone from a Jane Austen novel at any time soon.

[trukesehammer]

Heh! Losing Face. I've always liked that term.