Job Discussion Forums

[ma-bell]

I teach privately in my home. The one problem I've encountered is when the students eventually become friends.
My most recent example:
I've been teaching this young couple in their 20s and after a few months they've invited me out to their nephew's communion, for dinner and simply just to hang out at their place. Sometimes the wife and I send text messages back and forth. Just like old pals!
They've always paid me on time so that hasn't been a problem. The problem is that I feel guilty and uncomfortable having 'friends' paying me to teach them English. It just seems weird to me, I don't know.
I need the money so I can't do this as a volunteer thing. I also want to stress that it is me who feels uncomfortable...not them!
Can anyone relate? Is it ok to make friends with students...even if you are in a school situation?

[M@tt]

i think this question is beyond the scope of this forum.
but i'll give you my opinion anyway. you shouldn't feel uncomfortable about continuing to charge them. after all, they came to you initially as students, not friends. i doubt that they will ever talk about reduced prices or free lessons because of your newly developed friendship.

personally, i would feel much more uncomfortable about being over-invited to events that i wasn't in the mood to attend, like their nephew's baptism or whatever. then again, part of that is cultural. with arab students, for example, i'm constantly being invitied to their apartments for dinners, even while they're my students in class. it doesn't necessarily mean that they see me as a close friend yet, but their culture more or less dictates that they invite me (a man and a teacher) to their house for a meal.

if you're teaching ESL in a language institute, i think being friends with students isn't a big deal. if you're teaching in a university, i would avoid it. the teaching situation is much more professional, and all the students are likely to know each other and talk. anything that you do in the presence of student-friends will likely become public knowledge. that has been one of my least favorite things about being a teacher, especially in small cities.

good luck

[Guy Courchesne]

I've seen some language schools push policies on not having extra-curricular meetings with students...lmost impossible to enforce or avoid given the friendliness of most Mexicans I know.

Ma-bell, why don't you just talk to the students? Most people can respect that there's a line between friendships and work, and that perhaps you'd not like one to interfere with the other.

Mind you...I'm one to talk. I married one of my students. If we ever get a divorce, I'm going to back bill her for 5 years of English classes.

[ontoit]

Feel bad about charging?

I did this once, long, long ago but stopped for the obvious reason:

Student pays X amount for one hour a week.
Student as "friend" invites me to do X Y Z together a couple times a month, during which the student insists upon my using English.

Friends I have, so I'd prefer to spend that time with paying customers.

[TheLongWayHome]

As other posters have said, don't feel bad about charging, you're providing a service--which needs to be paid for. Learning to separate that from a friendship is hard work but it can be done, and is respected, especially if you're good at what you do--even moreso in Mexico.

I wouldn't teach couples either, teach them both separately, especially if they're not paying separately. As ontoit said, you end up being the victim of your own success.

[geaaronson]

So she would only get a partial amount of the divorce settlement, or would you still come out ahead?

[geaaronson]

I foolishly accepted a university students invitation to a basketball game, but inisted that I pay for my tix. He was plenty chagrined. I could see where the situation would go as it would constitute a mordidas and I knew the student would play it that way.
The student passed the course anyway by a comfortable margin. He had been hedging his bets.

[travelinhobo]

I had this situation a few months ago. I quit the school I was at and ended up taking a student with me. Over the next 2 months, with daily classes, we bonded in a strange way. I came to consider him a friend and I know the he did me as well. And then one day it all ended unexpectedly, from his side. I had never wanted to charge him to begin with, however I had to just to pay my bills. I always felt guilty for charging him (I'll teach ESL free if possible). I also bonded well with a lot of my students in the school. One of the other teachers, who had more experience than me in classroom teaching told me that teachers always get more attached than students.

[geaaronson]

No, not always. I have had students I never bonded with to any great extent and they will stop me by the street to say hi and chat to a great extent. Others, yes, I have strong feelings for and that might be true.

[Ben Round de Bloc]