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matador · Joined: 07 Mar 2003 Posts: 281

Is it urban folklore that whenever foreigners meet their Japanese girlfriends` parents for the first time that all hell will break loose?

I have heard of one case (from my best mate) where he could only visit his girlfriends` parents house AFTER DARK because the sight of a foreigner would "make the neighbours feel uncomfortable...".

In another case, I heard (from another mate) that the parents refused to meet him because "they had no experience of meeting an Australian so would not know how to act...".

Maybe the people who have had good experiences just don`t go on about it so much. Lets hear some positive experiences on this issue!

Q. Do you have any good/bad experiences in this area? Have you heard any good/bad experiences?

Glenski · Joined: 15 Jan 2003 Posts: 12844 Location: Hokkaido, JAPAN

Sweetsee · Joined: 11 Jun 2004 Posts: 2302 Location: ) is everything

Case by case Matador, usually means marriage is my understanding.
Got lucky with mine, like the parents I never had, extremely kind.
Good luck and be sure to let us know how it goes.

Enjoy,
s

Gone Asiatic · Joined: 21 Jul 2006 Posts: 5 Location: Japan

It varies of course.

My first meeting with my girl friend`s parents went very well despite the manner of dress I selected that day: faded jeans, a t-shirt with a beer logo, and a red bandana on my head. I`m certain their initial reaction was one of alarm over what their daughter had brought in, but it didn`t show outwardly.

After 2.5 years of dating and a gradual "civilization" process, they had no opposition to our marriage; we celebrated our 20th anniversary this year.

I recommend a much more conservative dress code for the first meeting; I was likely very lucky!

JimDunlop2 · Joined: 31 Jan 2003 Posts: 2286 Location: Japan

Actually, of all my friends who have gone through this (except me -- as I'm not married to a Japanese) I have heard of very few bad experiences. Come to think of it, I can think of only one -- and that one was at least half-justified because the girl's (American) boyfriend enjoyed *ahem* grazing (think: THC). So in the parents' eyes he may as well have been an axe murderer. But other than that...

guest of Japan · Joined: 28 Feb 2003 Posts: 1601 Location: Japan

I met my girlfriend's mother way too soon as a result of her spending too much time at my place. We met for coffee at a restaurant and it was far from hospitable. My girlfriend was crying and I was shaking so much that the coffee cup was rattling against the saucer. Her biggest fear was that I was just playing around with her daughter and would soon be running back to my own country.

Two years later we met again as I told her I was marrying her daughter. It was better than the first time, but still quite tense. After the marriage I became one of the family. I'm now the son she never had even though I stole her daughter away to the US. I still like the relationship better from afar.

gaijinalways · Joined: 29 Nov 2005 Posts: 2279

I was fortunate in that my in-laws are unconventional and a had a few foreign friends already (most of them through my wife). My in-laws have also travelled extensively, which often helps as well.

As to horror stories, heard and seen plenty. One fellow I know, his mother-in-law still won't meet with him 7 years later. Some parents are just very up tight about foreigners in general, marrying their daughter or son is not looked upon favorably, but learning the language can help, and also moving house (keeps them from interfering too much) and not beating your spouse, at least not openly (works for a lot of domestic couples Cool

. But also having kids help, most people enjoy being grandparents.

luckbox · Joined: 18 Mar 2006 Posts: 180

On of my ex-gf's (Japanese) told me - after my repeated attempts to meet her family - that her parents didn't like the idea of a foreigner dating their daughter. They said that the only thing worse than their daughter marrying a foreigner, would be their daughter marrying someone of burakumin descent. Eventually our relationship crumbled under the parental pressures. We parted ways after a bit less than a year, and I never met the parents a single time. That's life.

But then, parents can be just as narrow and bigoted in my home country's culture, so it's just one of those issues that happens everywhere.

My current gf's family treats me like a son. So, put it into its proper perspective.

Apsara · Joined: 20 Sep 2005 Posts: 2142 Location: Tokyo, Japan

I met my husband's parents for the first time after we had been dating for about 6 months. They were concerned until I arrived that the language barrier would make it awkward but as my Japanese is pretty reasonable they relaxed as soon as I started talking.

I have some interests in common with his father, so get on well with him. Mother-in-law is a bit more reserved but she's like that with everyone, happier to let her husband do the talking. I get the impression that they would have preferred him to marry a nice Japanese girl, but if he's happy, then they're fine with the current situation.

I was totally banned from staying the night at their house until we were officially married though- what would the neighbours have said!? Shocked

SeasonedVet · Joined: 28 Aug 2006 Posts: 236 Location: Japan

I know a guy who is black. He met his girlriend's mother. Everything was civil. Everything seemed ok. Nothing special. Very regular meeting at the house.

Some years later, the girlfriend informed the black boyfriend that her mother never liked him. The reason given: Because he is black!

It appears that his girlfriend's mother didn't have alot of experiences with foreigners and ( from what she saw in the movies and on tv and whatever other stereotypes she had in her mind ) she formed her opinions based on his skin color.

She had objected at first to her daughter sleeping over at his place ( understandable) so that caused a few problems for the girlfriend.
Other than that it was just that she didn't like him for her daughter because he was black

A few more years down the line she had no real comment on the matter and then informed her daughter that she ( the daughter) was getting older and she ( the mother ) wanted to have grandchildren so go on ahead and marry the black guy if you will, half black half japanese grandkids are ok she said.

He didn't know what to make of that comment.

Synne · Joined: 06 Apr 2004 Posts: 269 Location: Tohoku

Wow, this brings back memories.

One parent I met in one of my Japanese women relationships hated me until he saw my car, an FD3S...

...we spent a good two hours talking about cars in the driveway after dinner right before I was going to leave, and then later agreed to go course driving together...

...to this day I still think he liked my FD over me haha.