Job Discussion Forums

[Perpetual Traveller]

The very nature of our lifestyle means that we are far more likely to become involved with a foreign partner, and I use foreign to mean both those who are native to the countries we are living in and also fellow ex-pats who hail from a different home country.

I am curious to hear about peoples' experiences in this area whether you are single or attached. Some questions I am particularly interested in are:

Did you give any thought to this before embarking?

If so, what were your conclusions?

For those who are involved/married/etc to a foreigner;

Did you intend to stay in that country permanantly before you met your spouse/partner?

Have you talked about/considered relocating to your home country?

Have you talked about/considered relocating to a country neutral to the both of you?

Are there any relationship challenges that you think are unique to your situation?

I would love to say that I am asking for an anthropological thesis or something but the truth is I am just nosy, so go on, humour me, you know you want to!

PT

[lozwich]

Thinking of shacking up PT?

[dmb]

I am curious about white elephant's response. do you love me

[thelmadatter]

Its been a really bumpy ride for me in that department.

First of all, I assumed (and we know what happens when you assume) that I wouldnt be able to date as a 40-something female in Mexico. Something about everyone being good Catholics, not getting divorced and I dont do married men.

Anyway, while I have found that I can date and have dated. It has been very very hard. But I dont know how much of it is the culture difference, the small pool of decent (meaning guys without some serious hangups) men my age to date or the fact that I am a large-sized woman. Its probably all of the above.

Living alone in a foreign country has got to be one of the lonliest experiences around. Esp. in a podunk town where everyone tells me that to have a social life I have to get married

There are time where I sooooo much would like to have a "wife" (in the helpmate sense, not the sexual... Im too hard-wired as a heterosexual for that). I do believe that having a partner, esp. a Mexican one, would make life a lot easier for me. But I cant live my life simply looking for that.

I did the marriage thing for 14 years, 13 years too long - trying to be a "good wife" While I do not want to be "desperate" and certainly wont marry a guy just to be married. But part of me would really, really like to have a stable relationship - married or not.

How's that for a nice, convoluted answer?

[Guy Courchesne]

[capricious]

Mr. Courchesne, with due respect, are you claiming that you never make mistakes?[/quote]

[Guy Courchesne]

[capricious]

Guy, I can understand those (to some extent) who don't take "life" seriously, but what does not taking "oneself" seriously mean exactly?

[Glenski]

[denise]

Very timely questions... I had never really thought I would be able to have a good relationship with a non-westerner, for a bajillion reasons (most of them related to the fact that I am too damn westernized and independent and refuse to fit into a rigid classification of what a "woman" should be and do), but with just a month and a half left in Peru I met the most awesome guy... I've got a flight home booked and no more contract or visa, but I don't want to go! Looks like I will be returning to Peru.

d

[FGT]

Well done, Denise - good luck to you!

In answer to the questions:
I thought about the possibility of meeting and falling for a native of the country but never to that of involvement with a fellow ex-pat from somewhere else.

I thought about a neutral country (not for myself but for others involved in "mixed" marriages). I have friends who've chosen that path and it seems to work well for them, possibly better than those who stay or go to the other person's country.

[khmerhit]

Let me put it this way--I will be sending a significant amount in child support to another country this week, which has taken me ten weeks to get together. Was it still worth the madness? Yes. You cant plan these things, you know.

[White_Elephant]

[Gordon]

Nothing all that exotic for me. My wife is Cdn like me, but she was born in England so not entirely the same.

We met in university 15 years and like myself, loves to travel. We have probably been to 40 + countries together, including 8 months backpacking in Europe and later another 5 months in SE ASIA. Now with a 3rd baby on the way, we are still going strong. I can safely say that without her, I doubt I would be so easily be able to live overseas. She has kept me sane.

Our oldest who is almost 5 is probably the best traveler I have eveer met. She has seen so much already, can sleep anywhere without complaint, and can amuse herself for 8 hours on a bumpy bus in the Vietnam highlands with just a piece of plastic. Life has been great and now we are thinking about where we will head next to live. 5 years in Japan is about enough for us.

[gaijinalways]

Met my wife in NYC, married here. Been 8 years, some bumps, still deciding on where to move to, most likely Hawaii in the future (wife's idea, half way point between Japan and the mainland US).

As to my original plans when I came here, none. Japan was the third palce I lived in outside of the US, I could have just as easily gotten a marriage partner in one of the other places.

No kids, just one spoiled cat, who often shows me you can sleep and forget about your problems, at least for a while . Haven't traveled quite as much as Gordan, but I am working on it.