Job Discussion Forums

[White_Elephant]

I�m wondering what the heck I�m experiencing and if there�s anyone out there who�s also experienced this type of thing. Friends of the family flew in for a conference. My mother asked me if there was anything I wanted from home because they can bring it over for me. Okay that was really nice. My mother�s done more than a few favors for them over the years so they should feel a little obliged. I called them from overseas (at my mother�s request) to give them the scoop on local weather, what to wear etc. They asked me no questions about how I was doing. This was a bit shocking considering the fact that my mother explained to me that she told them how I�ve been going through a considerable amount of stress over the past few weeks. Furthermore, I�m right in the middle of preparing my classes for mid-term exams.

So they arrived and I arranged a time to meet them at a hotel. They said they would be in the lobby. I get there and they are nowhere to be found. I ask information to call their room. They tell me they will be right down. Over a half hour passes and they are still not down from their room. So I call up there and they say they will be right down and that they had to change clothes etc. Another fifteen minutes passes and they finally show up. There was no apology. We discuss where to eat lunch at 2pm. We sit down to eat and they are asking me all kinds of questions about the menu like I should know everything about the food I guess be cause I live in the country. They knew I had never been there at that hotel. Also, I live in a city of over 10 million people for crying out loud.

We begin to eat and I had to listen to the �ewww, what is that? That looks gross? You like that?� You know the whole culture shock experience full blast with facial expression of disgust. I thought it was quite rude. I had her try it and she did the whole �Oh, YUCK. That is so gross. How can you eat that?� You would think I was eating feces or something. I was eating a typical meal in my country. Nothing strange about it at all.

This meal was taking a while to finish as they began to talk religion. Oh boy, here we go with the bible thumping �saved R us� Christians out to save the world, starting with me. Now is my opportunity to explain to them that I can respect their religion just as I do all religions but that I have my own beliefs. I�m not willing to be converted. I ask them to respect me and they keep pressing the issue. They ask me what I do for Christmas here and I explain that it�s not celebrated here like it is back home. Over here, it�s like our Valentine�s Day. It�s for lovers. They are in shock. They say, �so it must be a very lonely time for you. You know if you joined a church here you wouldn�t be so lonely.� I�m doing all I can to keep my calm but it is getting unbearable. Finally, I say, �why on earth would I join a church when I�m not a Christian and I don�t believe in what they believe? That would make me a hypocrite.� They still did not let up on the issue.

I wanted to talk about my vacations and the one coming up next week to Thailand. That�s far more interesting. I finally was able to bring out my pictures of my vacations. The first picture was of Standing Buddha in Bangkok. She immediately says, �oh those Buddhists worship idols. It�s such a shame. If only they knew God.� At this point, I�m about ready to explode. She is being insensitive to me and a whole culture of people that I respect. This is more than I can take. I respond, �OH, you would never say such things in Thailand in front of Thai people!� Her response, �but I�m not in Thailand.� My response, �you know when I was in Thailand, it was great visiting the Buddhist temples where the people were so tolerant, helpful and full of love. Oh God, do I miss THOSE people!!!�

Conversations went something like this:
Her: So what do people do for Valentine�s Day here?
Me: Women give men chocolate. I had some of my male students get angry at me because I didn�t bring them chocolate.
Her: Well, you know if you brought in chocolate they would like you more.
Me: Lin.. I�m a university Professor with almost 300 students! NONE of the professors do that here. I�m not teaching little children.
Her: Well I thought they would bring you flowers. You said you got flowers.
Me: No I didn�t. That is not the culture here.
Her: No, you said you got flowers for Valentine�s day. Whatever. It doesn�t matter.
Me: No I never said such a thing.
__________
Her: How do you pay your rent here?�.
Me: I don�t�
Her: [interrupts and shouts] �YOU DON�T?!!!
Me: No, it�s included in my contract as part of my benefits. This is quite common in many countries where you teach ESL.
Her: I CAN�T believe that! So you don�t pay RENT! So you paid for your flight here and you get your rent paid?
Me: NO, the flight was also part of my contract too.
Her: Unbelievable!
Me: Lin.., there are some countries where the university or employer pays for the whole family to fly over AND pays for annual vacations back to their home country. The children go to private schools at the employer�s expense. These positions are in the Middle East and it�s my goal to work there in the future. I like Middle East culture too. I really miss the people from the Middle East. I know this may come as a real shock to you but this is a good profession for qualified people. I�ve seen positions open in the Middle East that pay as much as many doctors get back home.
Her: OH THAT MAKES ME MAD!!! And all you do is teach English!? How could you make that much in the Middle East?
Me: There are universities in countries like Qatar and the UAE that�
Her: [Interrupts] The UAE?! What is THAT!?
____________

Her: How much is the whopper jr. meal?
Me: It�s � See the number 3
Her: Well, what about the cheese?
Me: You have to pay extra for that.
Her: What! It doesn�t come WITH the meal? This is ridiculous. Back home�
Me: Lin.. It�s only 20 cents more and you DO have to pay extra for it back home if I remember correctly.
Her: Oh geeze, it should be included with the meal.
Me: Lin�, it�s ONLY 20 cents more.
Her: How much is that here?
Later,
Her: You know I never eat this stuff back home because it�s so fattening. These fries are really bad for you.
Me: I�m not worried about that
Her: This is really good. Thank you for bringing me here. [that was the only thank you I ever got]
__________
We go to an amusement park. This is an all day thing that costs 30 bucks. We get almost there and she tells me she only wants to spend three hours there. I tell her that I planned to spend the rest of the day there. I�m not spending three hours traveling to and from this place along with 30 bucks just to stay for only three hours. I tell her she can find her own way back if she wants to leave early. That day she winds up borrowing money from me. I lent her 28 bucks. Never mind the fact that her husband is a surgeon from the upper class of society who makes a LOT of money and they live in a home back in the states that is worth over a half a million. Then when I try to ask for my money back several days later, she tries to pass off 8 bucks as fair. I had to insist on getting back the full amount and teach her about the money. She realizes that I now owe her 2 bucks and she demands it back then tells me she doesn�t have much money left. We were on our way to the RACE TRACK!!! Oh she�s going to borrow my money at the race track. I don�t think so. Now I begin to ask for the picture that I paid for at the park. It was 10 bucks and she kept it. She refuses to give it back. She wants to sent it in the mail even though I explained that my mailbox isn�t big enough to fit it and the post office will probably bend it. The BEACH doesn�t care. I left her in the Burger King eating French fries. She can keep my damn picture that I paid for! I tell ya, after this experience ��I don�t want to be around another Christian for a LONG time, especially while I�m overseas. GRRRRRRR

[thrifty]

no

[lozwich]

I'm not a Christian either, but I know lots of people who are, and they would have found the behaviour of these people upsetting too.

Ok, you had a bad time, but its over now. You talked about tolerance. Sure these people were annoying to you, but maybe they were having severe culture shock. That can do funny things to a person.

Times I've been in situations like this, I take a deep breath, think of something nice and look forward to when they leave.

[White_Elephant]

[Like a Rolling Stone]

Holy Bible bashers! Tell your mum not to give you rude guests.... She wouldn't like it if you gave her rude guests

[ls650]

If friends of my parents spent a few thousand bucks to fly over and visit me, I'd be happy to see them, even if they did ask some ignorant questions and have some "red neck" ideas.

Corrected as per MO39's comment.

[MO39]

[Glenski]

I'm sorry to hear about your experience, White Elephant. Hindsight is 20-20, but I would never have let such people come to visit. How well did you know them (and their Bible-thumping propensities) before they came?

As for food culture shock, just what did you order? When my mother came to see me for her first visit to Japan, I played it safe. We ate the safer Japanese foods, so she wouldn't have the "yuck, what is that?" reaction.

Overall, it sounds like you had some stingy, rude, unsophisticated people visit at a stressful enough time. Perhaps, the better thing to have done would have been to say you were too busy to have met up with them, but that is hindsight again.

Try to relax now that it is over. Some people just don't see outside of their own tunnel vision.

[White_Elephant]

[White_Elephant]

[White_Elephant]

I recant what I just said about my mother as I just got this email back from her:

"I'm sorry for the awful time you had with Lin... Just before she left we also had a very big fight in my kitchen.. Yes she is the most self centered person I have ever know. I'm sorry she had to make such a big deal about her Christiany. You know some people preach it and other people live it. She just seemed hell bent on having a argument with you at every turn. As for her being late this is LINDA. I can not tell you how many times I would have to wait for her to go riding. I would have the horses tacked up and she would be at least 30 to 45 minutes late but always with an excuse.I hope and pray she will be convicted about the way she treated you and me. as for taking sides I'm with you all the way. My friendship with Linda is over I will have to choose to forgive her And I hope you will too. All christians are not like Linda so please try not to put us all in the same box. Again some people preach it and other people live it. I love you and hope you have a great time in Thialand. Mom"

[rusmeister]

Sorry to 'hear' about your experience.

Bible thumpers, as some call them, don't know that much about true Christianity. I should know - I was raised as one, and learned later that most of what they taught me about the Catholic Church was wrong. (I'm Orthodox, actually - the B-T's don't know anything about the Orthodox Church). There is true Christianity that is not "in-your-face". Don't take the B-T version as the be-all and end-all. Your mom is right.

[gaijinalways]

Ha, ha, unfortunately, some of the bible thumpers are my friends. The inverse of no visitors and being desperate to see people back from home is quite a contrast to White_elephant's recent experience. Oh well, I had the inverse on a trip to the US where my wife went argumentative and was threatening to divorce me when we got back to Japan.
Culture shock hits different people differently, and perhaps this was this couple's first trip to Asia?

As to the religious aspect of it all, I haven't experienced it quite that bad except for when my friend didn't show up at another friend's house for dinner because he was going to Church (even though we had set up this meeting some 3-4 weeks in advance).

[Mchristophermsw]

im sorry you had such a bad experience. I am Christian...but what does that mean? To be fair, you see such piety in most religions. Whether your christian or have another belief system, it is about you and GOD. And I am sorry that they offended you but your also out of line about your comments about Christians....That is just as judgemental as your friends were being.

Your friends behavior was not demonstrating as a representive of GOD and I understand and agree with your distaste. But I have met many Hinus, bhudist, muslims and everything else you can think of that did not live out the teachings of their faith........all I am saying is that there are alot of good people out there that believe in a Judeo Christian GOD that would not dare offend you. It would be a shame if you missed out on meeting them just because you had a bad experience.

From a Therapist perspective, mabe it had nothing to do with their believe but maybe they had a personality disorder.....just by reading your story it would be easy to Diagnose them from the DSM

[Gordon]

I think these "friends of the family" were just rude, regardless of their religion. To say "Christians are all...." is being just as stupid as they are.