Job Discussion Forums

[xinpu]

Recently I have been asked my my employers to go to local Universities to give short presentations on the topic of 'How to Learn English'. Basically this is a marketing tool to recruit new students to the (private language) school where I work. My brief from the management...?? 'just talk to them in English...no problem'.

Let's look at that sentence in a little bit more detail shall we??

What they say: 'just talk to them in English...no problem'.
What they mean: 'dance monkey dance!!' ps. don't ask any more silly questions I am in the middle of a very important task (qq chat).

Well I put together a PPT presentation with some basic advice and a few tips for improving pronunciation, remembering vocabulary, developing fluency blah de blah. Not rocket science and certainly not that innovative but I'm sure they've sat through a LOT worse during their 12 + years in the local education system.

The day hadn't been good as I had to sit and listen to a student tell me how foreign men are all 'lazy' ...the evidence being that her 'friend' (some BBS board probably) works in a laundry in America and there are lots of men who bring their laundry in. I had to sit there of course and take it as she was paying the money. However I had to chuckle (to myself) at the rich irony of her next statement "I want a rich husband so I can stay at home and not work".

Anyway..back to the story.. the classroom was packed...standing in the aisles and cramming into the doorway. The 45 min spiel was delivered and seemed to go ok. I really should have left it at that I really really should have...ride off into the sunset and a final grin and a wave leaving them to go back to whatever I was interrupting them from doing. But I didn't..no instead I 'elicited' questions (or should that be painfully extracted.mmm).

Bad bad idea.

Asker No. 1 (studious / serious glasses type)
"Where did you get your ideas from?"
Me "Erm from experience and from teaching books, sometimes from the internet"
"Well they are very general, not new ideas...how long have you been teaching?"
Me "18 months"
"Hmm not that long".
Me "So it wasn't useful for you?"
"mmmm well..."

Asker No. 2 (studious guy / glasses / stood for the whole hour)
"If you are learning Chinese then why do we need to learn English..people will soon all learn chinese"
Me "Erm good question...but English is the default language for communication between foreigners now and chinese is quite difficult so probably won't replace it"
Him: silent glowering

Asker No. 3 (attractive girl)
"Foreigners think all chinese people want to talk to them just to practice their english...what's your opinion?"
Me (looking over at chinese boss dismantling laptop and casting worried glances) "I think you're probably right".

Asker No. 4
"Will you come to our English Corner"
Me (internally) "Are you f*****g kidding me?"

I quickly made my escape before I was further quizzed on my culpabilit in the war in Iraq, the continued humiliation of the chinese people or the disappointing second series of "I'm Alan Partridge" etc. Ho hum into the car for a lift home and for my 'workmates' to continue their policy of treating me as invisible. Nice evening.

Conclusions:
1. We really are dancing monkeys...never forget this.
2. Chinese university students are itching and I mean really itching to tell foreigners exactly why you are stupid lazy idiots. This seems to be multiplied by a factor of 10 when it's a college which hasn't got any foreign teachers. I mean bitching online is ok but to other chinese it's a bit like preaching to the choir...getting to stick to a real laowai is far more fun.
3. I really must get out of teaching in China, I used to really enjoy it but this place sucks the enthusiam out of you for doing it.

That is all.

ps. please avoid telling me to get a life / stop complaining. Having posted this I feel I can now go and get one and will stop making the Mrs life a living hell with my whining.

[7969]

hahaha good post. made me laugh.

yeah i know how you feel, i did one of those presentations once in nanning three years ago. sort of the same result overall.

i dont care what they think of me here.... i'll still have my good life, take THEIR money, and retire comfortably somewhere in the sun one day.

7969

[Shan-Shan]

I, too, have done the same presentations on "How to Improve One's English". Prior to the presentations, I consulted my texts on teaching methodology, on-line resources, and mixed up the lot with years of experience.

One presentation focused on effective use of movies -- and their magik -- for improving one's English. I gave about three approaches to utilizing the talkies, and how each approach focused on different skill areas.

Within ten seconds of commencing, I could sense a thickness I'd never felt before. After a minute, this thickness became brick; ten minutes and this brick became Titan tough taffy; by the end of the talk, and absence of questions (or just questions whose answers were already given quite clearly, i.e. "How can I improve my English?") or any reaction for that matter made the whole exercise a Void -- except for the cash.

Weeks later, I attended another FTs lecture on how to improve one's English. The man, though speaking in English, made absolutely no sense. One moment he was discussing how the bones in his deaf ear work, and the next vomitting out a list of grammar terms which went nowhere:

"My left ear is 80 percent deaf, but the reverberations in the bones, I can sense them. That's English. You got your pronouns, modals, aspects, subjects, relative clauses. You know? I do. I speak English. Get a good dictionary, or find one online. You can't make mistakes."

This is a fairly accurate quote. The students seemed just as vacant as when I spoke in what I consider English-with-a-strain-of-logic.

The OP is correct. ESL in China -- in most cases -- is just a routine. Education in China, for that matter, is just a routine. Get 'em in, bore 'em, test 'em, get 'em out. Idiots called "Academic Directors" routinely stuff dozens upon dozens of people into auditorium sized classrooms for "Oral English", and expect feedback on student progress when listening to each student for one minute would require one to extend the alloted 90 minutes of class time.

Yet some still find ESL in China a source of pride. I did know one American who bragged about her lecture circut in one city. It was quite ironic that most of those listening to her were university students who were led to believe that said American possessed a Masters in TESL when in fact she'd never attended a day of university in her life. But with the thick layers of make-up she applied, the monkey hairs were always well concealed, and never a danger to her arrogance.

[jeffinflorida]

I once went to a presentation with another FT. he said at the end he;s gonna duck out the rear exit and go home.

I really did not understand his actions until I saw the mob scene that was waiting to grill him with questions.

So he did a thank you, a wave, and the fasted split out the back door I ever saw.

I learned that move and now when done, unless the room is filled with pretty girls...split quickly...

Thanks, wave, vanish...

[Shan-Shan]

[xinpu]

Shan Shan

You have a point there, university english activities tend to attract the geeky. the socially inept and the angry.

The cool kids all have better things to do and the bright kids realise it's a waste of time.

Jeffinflorida

Doing a runner out of the classroom post lecture seems an excellent idea...I'll note that one down.

[jammish]

it really makes me laugh that anyone Chinese could honestly believe that English will ever be replaced by Mandarin as the main world language. It takes years just to be understood in Mandarin. With English you can learn a little bit and be understood in a matter of hours.

[tw]

[latefordinner]

Well well, skip a day or 2 at Dave's and look what the cat dragged in. Nice anecdote, Xinpu. At risk of censorship, here's my 2 fen worth.

tw:

[Itsme]

Sounds like something I was asked to do.

I did not even represent the company and they wanted me to go up there and speak, giving the people the impression that I was a teacher at the school

what a scam.