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[gaijinalways]

Do you often have house parties here in Japan? This came up during the infamous arguement last night, but my wife seems to be particular about who you invite over for a party (though just coffee and a nightcap would be fine by me, but...it's not a 'proper' Japanese gathering). My wife seems to think she doesn't want to have parties because;

a) our house is too small (small, but not that small)

b) we don't know any 'normal' foreigners

c) she doesn't feel like giving parties in Japan to Japanese as they are too noisy and immodest (her words)

I just keep thinking she is a bit inflexible. She has this idea we should only hang out with like minded people, though it sounds a bit boring to me. Her friends are usually not like her, strangely enough .

So, do you sometimes/often have home parties, or do you only go to restaurant bashes?

[kdynamic]

I used to believe it when people told me "Japanese people don't have house parties or hang out at each other's homes". But eventually I realized that the people saying those things just weren't getting invited to the parties!

I don't usually have house parties at my place because it's always a mess . But I have been to many many house parties in Japan, both with an international crowd and an all-Japanese crowd. Some crazy times have been had at house parties!

Your wife sounds really uptight.

[JimDunlop2]

I find that the biggest difference between us (my wife and I), our foreign friends and our Japanese friends, is HOW they socialize and interact with each other.

First of all, to answer the OP -- yeah we have house parties -- quite frequently, in fact. Sometimes they are larger, sometimes smaller. They are usually themed somehow... Our last one was a Cinco de Mayo (aka. Mexican) party. The time before that, I think it was a Russian party (complete with Soviet-era propaganda posters all over the house) and the time before that it was a Swedish party...

Our usual M.O. is to invite just about everyone we know -- and let the situation sort itself out naturally. It's not unusual for us to have a person (or people) come to the party that our other friends have not met -- either they hit it off or they don't... But for the most part we've had pretty good success with our guests being able to socialize with EACH OTHER and not just with us...

On the other hand, when we do things with our Japanese friends -- we've found that they tend to NEVER mix their friends. E.g. Harumi-chan may go out for supper with us, and she may have a BBQ with her church friends and then she may see a movie with her old junior high school friends -- but those groups of friends will NEVER, EVER meet or mix...

That makes things difficult. But just because they may do things that way doesn't mean YOU have to...

As for suggestions to having a party at your place... I think a big part of your wife's apprehension may be that she doesn't want to get stuck "playing hostess," not having fun and then having to clean up after everyone without any help.

I'm no Martha Stewart, but here's some ideas.

- Have a start and stop time. Arrange with your wife that people will both arrive and leave within a fixed amount of time.

- Discuss your guest list. If you have a 6-mat sized room, don't try to stuff 12 people into it. It won't be fun. I've had 12 people over before, but only in our 8-mat room, and it's almost empty of all furniture except for a low table in the middle. Wouldn't want more people than that though.

- Also, if you are uncomfortable mixing groups of friends (e.g. your work friends with your wife's work friend) -- don't. It works for us, but it doesn't work for everyone. Be selective as to whom you invite.

- Make the party BYOB (that's even if you are going to have drinking in the first place). Set up recycle bags for empty cans and bottles ahead of time.

- If you are having food, whether served by you OR potluck, consider having disposable plates and whatnot. It's not the most eco-friendly way to do it, but it will save your sanity when cleaning up after the party.

- Don't refuse people wanting to help clean up after the party just because you want to be polite. "Oh, no... Please don't touch those dishes. You're our guest!" It's a nice gesture, but our friends have learned that if they start offering to help, we just might actually put them to work.

Those are just a few things that come to mind... But house parties CAN be a lot of fun -- and they certainly don't have to be formal, hosted, catered affairs. Most of our house parties are potluck and people bring their own drinks usually too. Heck, sometimes they even bring their own friends (I encourage people to gate crash -- within reason)... And like I said, most of the "Partying" goes on in a standard 8-mat room and the kitchen.

[gaijinalways]

[furiousmilksheikali]

[Sour Grape]

[furiousmilksheikali]

[gaijinalways]

Uh, no, that is what she believes. And yes, I have been to non-drinking parties, but they were pretty subdued .

[Quibby84]

We have had fun non-drinking parties, all you need is DDR and lots of friends and food...this thread makes me sad because we cant do that anymore....our apartment is to small for just us and our coworkers (as well as us) are so busy we dont have time for parties...sad sad sad....

[gaijinalways]

I hear you, though some of it is a trust issue, and what many Japanese think is a proper party and proper party place. I did go to one party that was too crowded, must have been 80 people crammed into a living room and a hallway. But that was partly because the roommates didn't want people using their bedrooms, which would have greatly alleviated some of the crowding (and maybe some of their personal items as well ).