Job Discussion Forums

[Capergirl]

After teaching EFL in Korea and Taiwan, and now ESL in Canada to students of varying nationalities, I am still at a loss as to how to deal with students' personal questions. I have tried to explain that asking someone how much money they earn is considered impolite in Western countries and usually makes the person uncomfortable. The next question is always, "Why?" In Taiwan, my students repeatedly asked me what my salary was because the Taiwanese teachers at my school had told them that foreigners make lots of money. (In truth, our salaries were exactly double that of the Taiwanese teachers, but still low compared to what some other schools were paying their foreign teachers.) They also asked me if my then-boyfriend and I slept in the same bed and other related questions. My current students (adults close to my age) also ask me a lot of questions about my dating life and my home life. One Chinese student tried to hijack a class yesterday with personal questions like "how old are you?" and "what is your salary?". I told him I have no problem with the age question, although some Canadians might not like being asked. I then told him I would not be answering the salary question. He went on to tell me that foreign teachers in China earn 3,000 RMB or more every month "just for talking" to students in English. His father is a doctor and makes only 1,500 RMB a month. So he wanted to know what the salary is for an ESL teacher in Canada to compare it with the salary in China.

How do you guys deal with personal questions in your classes, particularly the big "S" (salary)?

[Shonai Ben]

I just don't answer any personal questions.I tell my students that there are personal questions and general questions.I will gladly answer any general question but if the question is too personal then I tell them so and don't answer it.
If they ask me why it is a personal question I say that it makes me uncomfortable to answer or talk about and move on.
Eventually they get the idea and the personal questions usually stop or at least become less frequent.
The very first question asked to me in my first class in Japan was:How old are you?I explained that this may be a personal question to some people but was ok for me.
I still get asked this question.It never stops.

[Glenski]

Capergirl,

Sounds like you are handling things just fine for now. It seems you may be getting frustrated at hearing the same old questions over and over.

As for how to handle students asking "why" when you tell them something is impolite, how about doing this? Ask them to think of questions that are impolite in their own country. Then, ask them why!

If all else fails, just try to impress upon them the simple fact that not all cultures are the same, so they should be careful.

Perhaps a simple lesson on international gestures would be enlightening or amusing.

Nodding and shaking the head in Bulgaria have opposite meanings to most other countries.

Many gestures mean F*** You (or similar vulgarity) in certain countries, but are totally innocent in others. (example, thumbs up, or palm outward as if indicating halt, or even the ok sign).

Gesturing to come here with your index finger in Indonesia basically means you want to buy that woman's services for the evening.

Showing the bottom of your foot (when you cross your legs) is offensive to some because the foot is considered dirty.

Good book for this is Dos and Taboos Around the World.

[lajzar]

It depends on me, and the question. My regular students are all much too young to even grasp the concept of an impolite question. With the adult students and conversation partners, I try to explain why if they ask an impolite question.

The age question, I usually answer that one straight, simply because age is an important point in Japanse society. Sometimes, I make a pun of it, and answer tensai (genius) , a play on the kanji involved. When they ask my pay, I just say I earn more than I can comfortably spend. That's half true anyway Essentially, I answer with a joke, usually a rather bad one.

[Roger]

Some of our students are reasonably sensitive and sensible and handle your reluctance with tact. Experienced it many times.
But "many" times is not all the time. It seems to me that an increasing number of my opposite numbers question any autonomy I may try to preserve.East Asians are particularly obstinate, often arguing with me over "why" or rather "why not?", which amounts to "why must you be DIFFERENT from US?"
To be honest, they often tell us the limits of what is allowed, and what's not, too. Young women in China are asserting themselves much more now than ever - certainly a good thing - even to the point of telling you they do not want to tell you their age!
It is usually the guys that can't handle Western behaviour. There might be some haughtiness baswed on their assumption that the world revolves around them and we are still "barbarians" in their eyes.


I remember an episode in Egypt when a local and obviously wealthy businessman with excellent English communication skills asked me if I was married. I knew he wanted to date my partner (this was considered great sport at that time!), so I bragged of having 13 wives, four of whom were with me in that Aswan hotel.
He actually believed me, expressing admiration for this unbelievable feat!
Then he asked "can you give me the room number of one of your wives?"

[Gordon]

Another suggestion, along the lines of Glenski is to ask your students things they think are rude between Cdns and their culture. Students then share what people do in their countries. It can be verbal or non-verbal and this can lead to polite vs. impolite. I've done it before in Canada and has worked well. Surprisingly for them, not everyone is like them.

[Lynn]

I used to work at a Chinese school here in the states. The owner was from Taiwan and the students were from China and Taiwan. They were all college educated and had great jobs in China. I asked the woman from Taiwan what a rude question would be in her country. She politely explained to me that there were no rude questions. Strangers can ask another person anything at all. We went back and forth for about 5 minutes because I really wanted to get at least one example out of her, but I never did.

When students ask me why something is personal, I usually tell them that it is okay to ask those kinds of questions after you have become best friends. They all seem to be satisfied with that. I also don't answer personal questions about my love life. As for salary, they all knew how much I made. I guess the owner told them.

[Capergirl]

[lajzar]

Ah, but try asking her why her Chinbese is so bad

[Wolf]

[Gordon]

I found that Koreans were really bad for asking personal questions. I would ask them if they would ask a Korean the same question and they'd say "No, that would be rude". Then why ask me? It was like being a foreigner made you non-human, like we didn't have feelings.

[Lynn]

[Steiner]

[yaramaz]

Here in Turkey, I have been stopped by strangers in supermarket asking where I teach and what my salary is. I have been asked if I was pregnant by my boss (it's just a loose fitting sweater! I was flat bellied yesterday!) and been told by young and old that I am too fat or too thin. I have been pointedly asked about my religion by 12 year olds and 60 year olds, none of whom seem to grasp the concept of anyone outside the judeo christian pantheon (I'm a seeker, have yet to find anything remarkable or unexpected). I have been asked my marital status, my age, my weight, why I have no husband or babies at the ungodly age of 29....

I honestly hate personal questions and I'd rather not discuss any of these things unless I bloody well choose to...

[khmerhit]

You sound like a Protestant to me! Where did you go to school? How tall are you? What colour is your hair? Why do you live in Turkey? Were you running away from something? Are you divorced? Where is your apartment? Do you have a boyfriend? Why not? What is your middle name? Can you dance Turkish dance? Answers on a postcard, please
to Khmerhit Incessant Personal Query Division, Nosy Parker Logistics Office, Quorum III, Staplewell Road, Hertfordshire CT5 M7Z