Job Discussion Forums

jfurgers · Joined: 18 Sep 2005 Posts: 442 Location: Mexico City

Looks like I may finally be moving to DF after all of these years. I have an interview in June with Cedros. My wife has an apartment unit in Perisur and wants us to live there.

The problem is her mom and dad AND nephew will be living there also which means the only privacy I'll have will be in my little bedroom. Her nephew is 21 and goes to the university that is close to the apartment.

I really want us to have our own place since she's letting her nephew stay in the apt. Has anyone here lived with their spouses family? Is it recommended?

Thanks, John

tagastelum · Posted: Mon May 28, 2007 8:03 pm Post subject:

I just showed your post to my Russian friend who lives with his Mexican wife's family here in Monterey.

"Tell him he's better off staying in Texas," he replied.

It's been said before, but deserves repeating: when you get romantically involved with a Mexican, you become involved with a family, not an individual. This isn't necessarily bad, but it certainly is different from the family relationships most of us have in the United States.

Spend time with your wife's family, yes. But live with them? No thanks.

I spent a week living with my partner's family until we got our own apartment.

Keep in mind that you will be dealing with many significant emotional issues as you adapt to a new culture. While this is a life-changing experience that I recommend to everyone, it is not easy. Therefore, do what you can to make your life as uncomplicated as possible.

Whatever you decide, best of luck!

tagastelum · Posted: Mon May 28, 2007 8:06 pm Post subject:

Oh, and I forgot to add.

A 21-year-old Mexican male is the equivalent of a 15-year-old in the US and Canada.

Do you truly want to live with a teenager?

(Sorry if this sounds harsh, but it has been my experience.)

cangringo · Joined: 18 Jan 2007 Posts: 327 Location: Vancouver, Canada

I have to second t on the 21 year old being the equivalent of a 15 year old. We had a 23 year old roommate and finally just couldn't take it anymore...it's incredible frustrating because the mindset is so different.

TheLongWayHome · Joined: 07 Jun 2006 Posts: 1016 Location: San Luis Piojosi

Samantha · Joined: 25 Oct 2003 Posts: 2038 Location: Mexican Riviera

Good advice all. That would be a difficult situation for a newcomer to the country, especially since you will need to concentrate on job hunting, then working and you may need to get regular sleep! Guys that age have friends and they all generally are quite fond of their (loud) music.

ls650 · Joined: 10 May 2003 Posts: 3484 Location: British Columbia

Go right ahead and do this if you don't enjoy having sex with your wife!

El Gallo · Joined: 05 Feb 2007 Posts: 318

The Mexican family culture is beautiful. If you live with your wife's family you will become an integrated part of her family with all the love and support they would offer a blood brother. A Mexican family adopted me and it is why I stay in Mexico.

Living with the family is another matter. If you live with your wife's family you will become an integrated part of her family which means you will almost have no privacy.
Families in Mexico share their possessions much more than in other cultures. This means you must abandon any sense of justice you have of "what's mine" You will be treated like a "hermano" and, as such, be subject to constant advice regarding anything and everything you do. If these two things annoy you (as they did me), my recommendation is not to move in with them. Find an appartment and visit the family at least three times a week. You will protect your sanity and reap the rich rewards of family in Mexico without the downside of losing your privacy.

tagastelum · Posted: Tue May 29, 2007 1:37 pm Post subject:

Eloquent response, Gallo. I agree 100%.

jfurgers · Joined: 18 Sep 2005 Posts: 442 Location: Mexico City

Thanks for all of the advice everyone. My wife keeps telling me that since her nephew is in college he's never home but I do worry about friends coming over and the music is a good point also.

I think the kid needs to work part time like I did when I was in college. It would be good for him. My mother-in-law is already living with us here in Texas. She doesn't interfere thought becuase her mind is gone basically because of Alzheimers.

We brought her here because the rest of my wifes family (2 brothers and 1 sister) would have let her die alone. I haven't seen the family concept with my wifes family that everyone talks about. They are worthless.

Sounds like my wife only wants to stay in the apt with her nephew and parents. It's crazy. I also worry that her nephew may bring drugs in. You never know, but at least here in the States it seems like a lot of teens do drugs. Another reason to tell my wife that we need our own place.

Thanks!!

jfurgers · Joined: 18 Sep 2005 Posts: 442 Location: Mexico City

My interview in June is with Cedros. Anyone know anything about that school? It's in DF.

Thanks.

MELEE · Posted: Tue May 29, 2007 3:41 pm Post subject:

I also don't think moving in sounds like a great idea. For all the reasons listed above. But If you wife is set on it, there are two other possiblities.
1) you rent out that apartment and get a bigger place, with at least 3 bathrooms, one for you and the wife, one for the in-laws and one for the nephew.
2) you agree, but with a time limit. For example 3 months. Say you will live there for three months. If you aren't happy at the end of the 3 months then you move. Make sure she understands that there is a very strong possiblity you will want to move, and that you are not saying yes for ever, just for that predecided length of time.

Good luck!

jfurgers · Joined: 18 Sep 2005 Posts: 442 Location: Mexico City

Good idea Melee. Thanks. My mother-in-law already lives with us here in Texas because she has Alzheimers and my wifes 2 brothers and sister won't take care of her.

They would basically let her die alone at home if we left her in DF. Her family is worthless. Nothing like what you read about, especially how Mexicans are so family oriented. Not hers

My wife even wants mommy to sleep with us so she can watch her at night. That to me is insane. what say you?

John

MELEE · Posted: Tue May 29, 2007 4:33 pm Post subject:

John,

I'm really sorry to hear about your mother-in-law's illness. Alzheimers is a terrible disease that is hard on the victim, but much harder on the family. My grandmother had it and it takes a very strong family to raise to the occasion to care for the patient without professional help. Your wife is right, her mother will need someone near enough to hear her if she gets up in the night. But you and your wife also need to continue living. There is a real possiblity that your mother-in-law could live for years. You two and your father-in-law need to sit down and make long term plans about the quality of life the four of you want to live over the next several years. If possible in a lucid moment, you should also talk to mother-in-law about it. One of the biggest horrors of Alzheimer's is it dehumanizes the patient and they loss the ablity to have a say in their life. I really suggest that you look for an Alzheimer's support group who can give you ideas on how to handle the care while continuing your lives. Crying or Very sad

jfurgers · Joined: 18 Sep 2005 Posts: 442 Location: Mexico City

Thanks Melee. Mommy can't discuss anything. Her mind is too far gone. She can't do ANYTHING for herself. I teach at night so I stay home with her during the day. I change her diapers, feed her, everything. She can't get up, walk, NOTHING.

Sad yes, but people need to think about the quality of their own lives too. I can't stop living myself. I know that may sound selfish but that's how I feel. Plus, I don't trust a 21 yr old. Problem is my wife thinks her nephew can do no wrong.

I really want him out or have our own place in DF.

Have you ever heard of Cedros? It's in DF and it's a private catholic school for boys