Job Discussion Forums

vessel2000 · Joined: 20 Sep 2007 Posts: 8 Location: South Korea

We are all(supposedly) intelligent, educated and mature humans beings, right? What has made it so taboo to speak of the one topic I can find no info on in this sight? Namely: Dating!

Yes, I am serious about teaching English. Yes, I want to expand my knowledge of foreign cultures and peoples. Yes, I want to become a better teacher...

And yes... I am single.
Oops, I said it out loud. MOD EDIT
I am not trying to treat this like a dating site. I only want some basic info on whether or not a certain country welcomes or forbids inter-dating. Dave's has given me all of the info I need to decide where I want to teach next... except for this one tiny, itsy-bitsy, little but extremely important bit of input.

Dating or availability of women is not the SOLE reason I would teach in a certain country, but it does have an impact. Why would I ever choose to teach in a country where it is forbidden for me to interact with the women? I am in that exact situation now! I came to teach in Korea not aware of the "ban" on dating or interaction. Yes it is good money, but I would gladly sacrifice a few dollars to be in a friendlier and more accepting country. Even China has to better socially than this. MOD EDIT No, I am not asking for any "hookups" or tales of conquests, or info on Red Light Districts. I simply want to chat or contact some teachers here who have an informed opinion or experience with the social scenes in a few different countries I am interested in. We are social animals. We need contact. This isnt even about looking for a certain type of woman(asian, latin, european, etc.), since I have the world to choose from. I am not returning to the U.S. anytime soon, so my dating pool must come from the country I occupy. To me that makes this vital and necessary information!

Flamers and slammers or whatever they are called are not welcome to reply, but I know they will.

AND SO WILL THE MOD TEAM.

SERIOUS RESPONSES ONLY.

Glenski · Joined: 15 Jan 2003 Posts: 12844 Location: Hokkaido, JAPAN

Here is the situation in Japan.

Some women fear foreigners.
Some are sincere enough to treat foreigners as equal to Japanese men. In other words, nationality means nothing to them.
Some women want foreign men for trophies or just sex partners.

Some families are still pretty traditional and reject foreign boyfriends of their daughters. Other families are open, but openness can be broad or narrow. In any case, don't expect to be brought home to Mama unless the girl is pretty serious about you.

Serious_Fun · Joined: 28 Jun 2005 Posts: 1171 Location: terra incognita

tradang · Posted: Wed Dec 12, 2007 11:54 am Post subject:

Dating in Vietnam is not a problem, although the girls tend to be overemotional and fall in 'love' and become serious much quicker than in the West. They can also be very clingy , jealous and immature. It helps to learn at least some of the local language. They run the range of very traditional to modern.

eslstudies · Joined: 17 Dec 2006 Posts: 1061 Location: East of Aden

moni · Posted: Tue Feb 26, 2008 9:10 am Post subject: uh huh

Tainan · Joined: 01 Apr 2009 Posts: 120

In the experience of this individual gay man, Taiwan was paradise, Korea was good, China was death. I cannot imagine that the situation for a straight guy would be particularly different, and I am surprised by your description of the situation in Korea. I remember seeing a number of Western men with Korean girlfriends; can it have changed so much since then? But that was ten years ago. China was far more recent. I don't think the situation for a straight man would be as bad as for me but I don't think it would be very good either, except perhaps in the biggest cities. Again Taiwan seems the best place.

Only now after writing the above do I notice that you posted this two years ago and, far from attracting flamers and slammers, it hasn't attracted many replies at all. By now you must have chosen a destination (or more than one) and can tell us what your verdict is--care to divulge?

gajackson1 · Joined: 28 Jan 2008 Posts: 210

Every so once in awhile, I wish I had a sock. I never did on the Korean boards - even when I was a mod there for a spell, and it came highly recced.

I think the descriptions above were pretty accurate. I spent 10 years in Korea, and had a few relationships there w/ Asian women. I also traveled, and dated women from other countries, such as Japan & Thailand. Metros/big cities tend to be more tolerant; the smaller/more homogeneous it gets, the more conservative it can be. Time is slowly wearing away at some of this, but it does exist.

The concept of 'western-style freethinking dating' does NOT really exist. It is a very, very rare thing. Almost all women you will meet, if they are honest, fall into one of Glenski's categories. However - as much as I like/respect Serious_Fun - I can't say that if you are basically normal, things will just flow around you. In my experience, over 12 years, I have found no place in Asia where that 'just happens;' do NOT 'expect normality' or for 'a good person to be recognized everywhere.' It is sad, but true - but you can also find the same sorts of things 'back home.'

I've been subjected to people spitting on the street just in front of me and otherwise proper Asian girls, cursing under their breath - just as I have seen people do in the USA - even when the 'couple' was nice, presentable, well-mannered, etc. (this has happened more frequently holding hands, but also just walking with female Korean friends, and in Japan, Thailand, etc.)

Really, that is probably the one biggest ???s with me right now, should I actually stay in Brunei for the longer term. From everything I can tell/have seen in the past 9 months, there is NO 'normal' western-style dating in Brunei, between cultural & religious prohibitions (which in turn affect the laws, too). My friends here have said that I can either 1) go 'underground' and keep everything completely discreet, or 2) that I would be better off to date across the border in Malaysia, or 3) that I should give up the idea of 'dating' as I think of it, and instead look into 'courting.' (as in: look openly & seriously for a spouse)

If anyone would like to comment on this one, here or via pm, feel free. I'm not at the junction yet where I am ready to date (because of my job/visa status), but I am pretty close to that point!!!

Warm regards,

Glen

Jati · Joined: 11 Mar 2008 Posts: 155

In Malaysia it doesn't appear to be a problem with foreigners dating locals. One has only to be aware of the religious implications. Most westerners that marry Malaysians end up with Chinese or Indian mates. To marry a Malay, one must convert to Islam. I know several mixed-race couples personally.

Just be aware that not everyone has the same perspective on dating that is prevalent in the west. You might think that the relationship is going nowhere, fun fun only, but the other person may already be making plans in their mind.

Junka · Joined: 15 Mar 2009 Posts: 14

When I was in Thailand I found dating western women quite straightforward. Funnily enough it was easier to meet single, western women of my own age socially there than it was in the west.

I knew people with Thai girlfriends, of the well educated variety but somehow I'm too set in my ways and could never get over the culture gap.

tudodude · Joined: 08 Mar 2007 Posts: 82

Thailand........ it is impossible to NOT date numerous partners

The Boz · Joined: 13 Jun 2004 Posts: 37 Location: Here and There

what about laos? i know they have that law about living/sleeping together, but how difficult is it to just meet and date a nice girl there? also, just in terms of general friendship, are most expats there able to make close lao friends even without being able to speak the language?