Job Discussion Forums

[mjed9]

It occurred to me that this job can be quite lonely. That is to say, having done this now for over a year and still planning to do it for a few years to come, that the chance of meeting and keeping friends is instrinsically linked to how long they or I will stay in one location. After that the chance that I will see them again is small.

From my own experience I have met some superb people who I consider to be good friends (people I would actually choose to be friends with as opposed to be borne out of necessity). However now some of these are leaving and it occurred to me that that is pretty much it!

What are other people's experiences and comments on this?

MJED

[ls650]

The internet is a great thing: I send emails or chat live with friends and family back home almost every day.

The funny thing about teaching abroad is that I'd probably never befriend any of my co-workers if I met them on the street back home, but here I'm friends with a bunch of social misfits simply because I'm lumped in with them. (And yes, I consider myself to be a social misfit too.)

[been_there]

Well, I've been doing EFL since 1994, and at first, I thought it was a "loner" job. I would go to a country, teach, then leave.

With the advent of email, I've keep in touch with many many people I come in contact with. I got in touch with some of my students that I taught at an elementary school when I first started, and met up with them in Beijing. They were 11-12 when I taught them, and now they were 17-18 (some twisted verb tenses in there) and it was quite interesting to hear their views on the class.

And I'm still in contact with people from every place I worked. I recently went to a wedding in Boston, last year I stayed with a friend in Istanbul for two weeks, I've been to Morocco to visit an ex-coworker, met up with my Chinese school-director who was going to school in Manchester. I don't get to see people every day for five minutes, like folk back home, but I see them for days or weeks at a time every couple of years. I like that. I've got an extra sofa in my apartment here, and have several people already lined up to use it over the winter break.

[joe-joe]

I guess I agree with ls650 here in as much as most of the people I befriend, or am befriended by are not people I would ordinarily, or indeed perhaps ever choose to befriend at home in the UK. I do think TEFL attracts certain categories of people, many of whom are frankly misfits in their home environment. I would have to say mostly I fit into the 'misfit' category.

I got into TEFL to get away from what had been a disastrous period in my life back in England, it would be true to say I'm running away to a certain extent. And I do think TEFL can be lonely, but if you stay in a place long enough I'm sure you'd begin to nurture long term friendships and put down roots of some kind.

As to staying in touch with former colleagues/friends, well yes, the internet is a wonderful tool for doing this, and if the friendship is strong enough, it is possible to maintain the relationship from afar.

[struelle]

[denise]

I've been lucky to be surrounded by a great group of colleagues--not all of them (very few, in fact...) become close friends, but there is always someone to talk to. And the people that have become close friends I have kept in touch with. It is hard to see people leave, though.

I think EFL is lonely in the sense that it can be hard (depending on many factors--where you are, your personality type, etc.) to meet and truly get to know local people--maybe it's just me, but it seems hard to imagine achieving the same degree of closeness that I've found with some of my expat teacher friends with local people.

d

[Roger]

I don't see "loneliness" as a TEFL characteristic. Everywhere I work I have local colleagues. Until a couple of years ago, I hardly ever met fellow expats. Now, I do meet themn, sometimes by design, sometimes unintentionally. My fellow-TEFLers tend to be a little in need of someone to steer them clear of obstacles and hurdles, so there is more of the giving than taking - but that's natural as I am clearly the veteran in most cases.
Is there more staff turnover in those places of work I have been so far? It is the new trend in China, not just in teaching but all over. SOme Chinese change jobs three or more times a year...
Come to think of it - everywhere I worked, every occupation I had before, friendship was not what brought us together. We worked because we had to; many pretend to be friends, but there is a huge amount of backstabbing once you turn your back on them just about anywhere.
Friendship is something that occurs outside a company, hardly inside it.

[Midnightstar]

Dear mjed9,
I agree with your post, but also with Roger's post. I agree this can be a lonely business. I have been doing this for 6 years and the "loneliness" is incredible. But the word "loneliness" has negative connotations associated with it - I choose to call it "isolation". This "isolation" has forced me to accomplish things that I never would have when I was just "going through the motions" in the U.S. But going back to Roger's comment, backstabbing expats are common in this overseas ESL business. I think this is a response of people who try to deal with their perception of their "loneliness" in an incredibly selfish and self-destructive way (it doesn't make YOU feel too good, either). Anyways, try to look on the situation as a positive experience. Those accomplishments you make will pay off in the future, no matter where you end up. This was just my two-cents on this matter.

Best Regards,
MS

[mjed9]

Don't get me wrong ... I think it is the best thing I have ever done and will continue to do it so I will always see it as a positive experience. If that changes then it will be time to go home.