Job Discussion Forums

[veiledsentiments]

Here is the old joke about different governmental systems (democracy vs socialism vs communism etc) adapted for the Gulf. For those that may be coming to the Gulf thinking that these countries are all the same... it does show those subtle differences.

VS
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

DUBAI SYSTEM:
You have two cows. You create a website for them and advertise them in all magazines. You create a Cow City or Milk Town for them. You sell off their milk before the cows have even been milked to both legitimate and shady investors who hope to sell the non-existent milk for a 100% profit in two years time. You bring Tiger Woods to milk the cows first to attract attention.
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QATAR SYSTEM:
You have two cows. They've been sitting there for decades and no one realizes that cows can produce milk. You see what Dubai is doing; you go crazy and start milking the heck out of the cows in the shortest time possible. Then you realize no one wanted the milk in the first place.
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BAHRAIN SYSTEM :
You have two cows. Some high government official steals one, milks it, sells the milk and pockets the profit. The government tells you there is just one cow and not enough milk for the people. The people riot and scream death to the government and carry Iranian flags. The Parliament, after thinking for 11 months, decides to employ ten Bahrainis to milk the cow at the same time to cut back on unemployment.
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KUWAIT SYSTEM:
They do not have cows. Milk is imported since no locals can or would milk a cow.
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SAUDI SYSTEM:
Since milking the cow involves nipples the government decides to ban all cows in public. The only method to milk a cow is to have a cow on one side of the curtain and the guy milking the cow on the other.
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OMAN SYSTEM:
You have two cows. After a huge public speech in which you declare cow milking as a landmark initiative and appointing a new government body in charge of cow milking. You first spend a year doing nothing, then you spend 1 year on planning to milk them properly and safely, another one year to get the proper ministry approvals to milk them. By the time you actually get around to milking the cows, the cows are dead

[007]

VS, nice jokes about different systems in the Gulf.

Have you got any old joke for the American system.

OK, here is some jokes about the AMERICAN SYSTEM:

DEMOCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE:
You have two cows. The government taxes you to the point you have to sell both to support uncle Sam in Iraq and Afghanistan who has only one cow, which was a gift from your government.

BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE:
You have two cows. The government takes them both, shoots one, milks the other, pays you for the milk, then pours the milk down the drain.

CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE:
You have two cows. You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.

[uaeobserver]

Abu Dhabi style

Find the two finest Holsteins in the world. Buy them, and
build a museum to commemorate the world-class
Holsteins. Then, the association of Guernsey dairy
farmers gets jealous, and donates two of their own
breed, and underwrites the cost of a new Guernsey
museum. Distinguished diplomats from the entire globe
convene in Emirates Palace for the world reknown
Bovines without Borders conference. The city is covered with banners to commemorate this fine event.

Meanwhile, amidst all the hype, nobody remembers
to milk the cows (hey - remember --- it's all about the cows), and they die from infections related to engorgement.

[veiledsentiments]

Great addition to the list uaeobserver, did you write that yourself?

VS

[Bebsi]

Well, as I am now based in Romania, I might as well throw in my tuppence ha'panny worth about Romanian cow economics.

You have two cows. You have an all-powerful leader who decides to sell one of them off to pay for an over-priced milking parlour, which is very badly managed. You invite dignitaries to come and see the wonderful milking facilities you've got. Deep down you know there's something wrong, but why upset the milk bucket.

In time, the milking parlour becomes too expensive to run because your leader is actually stealing all the milk. To pay for running the milking parlour, he sells off the other cow.

Without milk, you are fast becoming less impressed with the milking parlour, which is now a disused shed. Eventually, hungry and thirsty, you get very upset and depose the leder.

You then expect the milk to flow like rain, like the leader's replacement always promised it would. It doesn't. You almost die of hunger, because what's really happening is that milk which is being donated from abroad is being siphoned off by the new leader, who is actually more clever than the old one. He also sells off the milking shed...after getting a large foreign loan to renovate it...to his cronies for almost free, so that when you discover more cows, he and his cronies take them and milk them for themselves in the newly acquired and renovated parlour. You are still left without milk while this goes on. Through overmilking and underfeeding, they eventually kills those cows and you're back to square one.

Eventually, the replacement leader is discovered to be a crook (it has taken a while because with lack of nourishment your judgement has been impaired), and is kicked out. His replacement appoints a prime minister who then tries to kick out the same guy who appointed him, but it's ok, you have a referendum to vote the replacement leader's replacement to stay in power.

In the meantme you join the EU. They give you a loan to buy new cows and modernize the parlour. They insist you lock up the guys who stole milk, cows and milking shed in the past. You buy the new cows and do up the parlour and so start producing milk like crazy.

Only problem is, nobody outside the country needs this milk, and one of the conditions of getting the loan was that you are not allowed to drink it yourself, but must buy the milk you need from other EU member states.

The EU doesn't want you to starve so it buys the milk anyway, to store in a huge tank for evermore, but only after you fill out a million forms. How does it pay you for this milk, you might sensibly enough ask?

Simple: it sells you the milk that it produces from the cows sold cheaply by the original leader in the first place.

[lyndalorient]

Heres one for France.

They have 2 cows and they go on strike because they want a third cow!

[lall]

China:

They have a thousand cows.

They milk them, export the milk and buy armoured tanks to place in Tiananmen Square. The tanks do nothing all day.

The cows go on strike, protesting that the armoured tanks have it easy.

The authorities threaten to turn the tanks on the cows.

The cows mutate into bulls in protest.

The Chinese milk the bulls and now export frozen "instant calf-maker" cream".

Win-win, all the time, just like in Iraq!