Job Discussion Forums

[Selyer]

>We'll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes;
>
>but the plural of ox became oxen not oxes.
>
>One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese,
>
>yet the plural of moose should never be meese.
>
>You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice;
>
>yet the plural of house is houses, not hice.
>
>If the plural of man is always called men,
>
>why shouldn't the plural of pan be called pen?
>
>If I spoke of my foot and show you my feet,
>
>and I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet?
>
>If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth,
>
>why shouldn't the plural of booth be called beeth?
>
>Then one may be that, and three would be those,
>
>yet hat in the plural would never be hose,
>
>and the plural of cat is cats, not cose.
>
>We speak of a brother and also of brethren,
>
>but though we say mother we never say methren.
>
>Then the masculine pronouns are he, his and him,
>
>but imagine the feminine, she, shis and shim.
>
>
>
>Some reasons to be grateful if you grew up speaking
>
>English;
>
>1) The bandage was wound around the wound.
>
>2) The farm was used to produce produce.
>
>3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
>
>4) We must polish the Polish furniture.
>
>5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.
>
>6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
>
>7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to
>present the present.
>
> At the Army base, a bass was painted on the head of a bass drum.
>
>9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
>
>10) I did not object to the object.
>
>11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
>
>12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
>
>13) They were too close to the door to close it.
>
>14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.
>
>15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
>
>16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
>
>17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
>
>1 After a number of Novocain injections, my jaw got number.
>
>19) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
>
>20) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
>
>21) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?
>
>22) I spent last evening evening out a pile of dirt.
>
>Let's face it - English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant,
>nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins
>weren't invented in England. We take English for granted. But if we explore
>its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are
>square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig. And why is
>it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and
>hammers don't ham? Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not
>one amend? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one
>of them, what do you call it? If teachers taught, why didn't preachers
>praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? In
>what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by
>truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell? How
>can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise
>guy are opposites? You have to marvel at the unique lunacy