Job Discussion Forums

[five_of_spades]

Hi everyone, this is my first post on here.
I came to China in August for the first time. The university that got me a job here have been fantastic and I must admit I love it here and they have given me a great job and a great time.
However!...
I live in a city near Shanghai and I have a girlfriend that has to be in her job in a city near Beijing. To visit her it costs me about 2000-3000 for just a few days. I can afford this once a month and she earns very little so cannot pay to visit me as she is still in education there. Also with my working hours it is not easy to go and visit her.
Recently, she has had lots of heartache such as a close relative passing away, now one of her parents is seriously ill and she needs to look after them.
To explain the story fully, I must have to mention the quite personal fact that we love each other very deeply and she has been the most wonderful girl I ever met and I feel I would do anything for her and she is just the same with me.
Ideally I would wait until next year and get a job in her city. But, I feel she really needs me now, it seems crazy that I spend all my money on visiting her, all my time on the phone or on skype. All the stress when my internet breaks.
So I just don't know what to do about my contract. I am considering in Jan/Feb asking my uni if I can end the contract to get a job near her, she is a teacher there and can find me plenty.
To do this I need a 'letter of release' - I know most people in China put business above all other things such as private life, so not sure I'll get the release letter.

Has anyone got any advice or experience of a similar thing? What did/would you do?

Many thanks, sorry it is such a long story!

[brsmith15]

My advice, after three mariages in the US, now on my fourth wife (Chinese) and with a plethora of wonderful past gf's, my advice is simple: Follow your heart. This is a lesson it's taken me years to learn. If this is true love, just like all the songs tell us, then all will be well.

I'm going to ask you a VERY important question and I want you to think VERY carefully before you answer it.....to yourself, that is.

If I could give you what you desire -- no conditions attached -- which I assume is the young lady in question and the permanent relationship that seems to be building, would you take it? If you are in any way hesitant, then it isn't the right course for you. And, no mattet what you do, disaster is sure to come your way eventually.

[mikefriend]

[lf_aristotle69]

[five_of_spades]

I think mostly people misunderstood. In order to leave for another contract and work in China I need a letter of release and a letter of recommendation or no one else can employ me. So I have to leave on very good terms. Has anyone else experienced this?

reply to questions:
brsmith15 - I understand what you are saying, there is no hesitation, I would choose her in an instant!

mikefriend - I know I have to leave on good terms, so its not like I will do a runner! Which isn't my style anyway.

if_aristotle69 - no, I mean I work at a public university, I found the job myself and communicated with the university here, so no dodgy, pointless agent fees.

So I wonder if anyone has had this experience before?

[lf_aristotle69]

Well, isn't Jan/Feb "next year"??? Isn't the mid-semester (Winter) holiday Jan/Feb???

If you're at a University I don't see the problem. I've already suggested that you have 2 months until the holiday begins, 3 months until the next semester begins, so surely your contract has a get out of jail free card if you give sufficient notice, which should only be 1 month, but many contracts are 2 or 3 months... i.e. You don't have to complete the full year if you give early notice...

You should have time to do that if you notify them now. Surely?

If you don't have that option written on your contract, then tell/ask them now anyway. Three months is more than enough time for them to find someone to start at the beginning of next semester.

If you don't go down that road, my other suggestion (find the replacement yourself) is a reasonable compromise you could offer them.

Do they already know you have a "girlfriend" living far away? Or, does your FAO know you've you been doing the wild thing all over town.

If they already know you have a serious girlfriend, and you don't have a playboy rep, then I think they'll understand, if you really are on good terms with the FAO.

Good luck!

LFA

[mikefriend]

[five_of_spades]

Good idea about looking for a replacement to do this job, also maybe working one month for free is another comprimise.

Other than that, she is a serious gf, I'm not a playboy, I have to much respect ofr China, the people here and above all, myself, for that!

Anyway, it leaves me feeling quite positive. I will try and advertise this job and see what happens. I get paid over 150rmb for 50mins teaching here, which I think is extremely high, so it should be easy as its a great place, if you hear of anyone looking for a good job... hehe!

[Teatime of Soul]

Knew a guy in a similar situation. He puzzled over what to do for a while. Finally he made his decision;

"In China, good jobs are a lot harder to find than good girlfriends." he told me.

To each his own I suppose.