Job Discussion Forums

[Andrew Sylvia]

Hello All,

One thing i'm concerned about is getting into some kind of misunderstanding with one of the locals in a foreign country while teaching that could somehow escalate into criminal charges or deportation.

I know I have a bad temper, but I am not a bad person. I have no criminal record in the US. Still, i'd like to avoid having one in another country arising from a misunderstanding.

[Andrew Sylvia]

Excuse me, I thought I placed this in the Newbies section.

[johnslat]

Dear Andrew,

"I know I have a bad temper, . . ."

I'd say you should cross most of the Middle East off your "Places I'd like to live and teach" list.

Regards,
John

[khmerhit]

yeah a temper is not very helpful east of istanbul---i know--ive got an irish temper

[johnslat]

Dear kymerhit,

I used to have one; nineteen years in Saudi Arabia cured me of that. Now I'm patience personified.

Regards,
John

P.S. And, if you don't believe me, I'll hurt you.

[nstick13]

I now understand why John actually signs his posts.

[Cool Teacher]

[Cool Teacher]

Wow! How funny is English?

"I have a temper" means "hotheaded and anger-prone" but "Lose your temper" usually means "become hotheaded and angry" and NOT "Lose your hotheaded anger-prone nature and become calm and peaceful in nature".

[johnslat]

Dear Cool Teacher,
I lost my hot Irish temper, but not before I almost lost my head - or got jailed and deported, anyway.
I was very lucky - others probably would not have such good fortune.
Regards,
John

[Andrew Sylvia]

[Hod]

[johnslat]

Dear Hod,
Well, some think so - if it's properly channeled and controlled, anyway:

"How to be happy in life: let out your anger
Repressing emotions leads to unhappiness, says Harvard psychologist
Conventional advice about keeping a stiff upper lip and staying cool can damage your career and lower your satisfaction in life, according to new research. If you want to be promoted and attain true happiness, you should get angry.

According to the Harvard Study of Adult Development, a piece of research that has tracked the lives of 824 men and women since 1965, those who repress their frustration are at least three times more likely to admit they had hit a glass ceiling in their careers and have disappointing personal lives. On the other hand, the study found, those who learned to harness and channel their anger were far more likely to be professionally well-established, as well as enjoying emotional and physical intimacy with their friends and family.

Professor George Vaillant, a psychiatrist at Harvard Medical School, has spent the last 44 years as director of the Study of Adult Development, based at the Harvard University Health Service. "People think of anger as a terribly dangerous emotion and are encouraged to practise 'positive thinking', but we find that approach is self-defeating and ultimately a damaging denial of dreadful reality," he said. "Negative emotions such as fear and anger are inborn and are of tremendous importance. Negative emotions are often crucial for survival: careful experiments such as ours have documented that negative emotions narrow and focus attention so we can concentrate on the trees instead of the forest."
Vaillant criticises the boom in anti-anger, mood-stabilising drugs and the growing market for anger-management counselling and classes. He believes that, while uncontrolled exhibitions of anger are destructive, learning to positively channel our anger serves a vital role in our wellbeing. Internalising the emotion can cause depression, health problems and communication difficulties.

"Psychologists, having dealt for generations with damaged psyches, should now be engaged in the psychological equivalent of reverse engineering," he said. "We all feel anger, but individuals who learn how to express their anger while avoiding the explosive and self-destructive consequences of unbridled fury have achieved something incredibly powerful in terms of overall emotional growth and mental health. If we can define and harness those skills, we can use them to achieve great things."

Dr Carol Tavris, a social psychologist and author of Anger: The Misunderstood Emotion, agrees. She believes properly expressed anger can help to clarify relationship problems and also clinch business deals, fuel political agendas and give people a sense of control during uncertain times. More globally, she said, it can inspire an entire culture to change for the better - as witnessed by the civil rights movement of the 1960s and the earlier women's suffrage movement. "To paraphrase Malcolm X, there's a time and a place for anger, where nothing else will do."

Dr James Averill, a University of Massachusetts Amherst psychologist, believes anger has a bad name because it is erroneously associated with violence. In a study of everyday anger, Averill found that angry episodes helped strengthen relationships about half the time and only lead to violence in less than 10% of cases. "Anger can be used to aid intimate relationships, work interactions and political expression," said Averill. "When you look at everyday episodes of anger, as opposed to those that have more dramatic outcomes, the results are usually positive."

Dr Howard Kassinove, co-author of Anger Management: The Complete Treatment Guidebook for Practice, recently published a study of more than 2,000 adults in the Journal of Social Behaviour and Personality in which more than 55% said an angry episode produced a positive outcome.

Almost a third of participants also admitted that the episode helped them see their own faults.

"People who are targets of anger in these studies will say things like, 'I really understand the other person much better now - I guess I wasn't listening before'," said Kassinove. "While assertive expression is always preferable to angry expression, anger may serve an important alerting function that leads to deeper understanding of the other person and the problem."

The philosopher and author Alain de Botton agrees that anger is a misunderstood emotion. "Though philosophers have traditionally been concerned with the pursuit of happiness, far greater wisdom would seem to lie in pursuing ways to be properly and productively unhappy," he said. "The stubborn recurrence of anger means the development of a workable approach to it must surely outstrip the value of any utopian quest for happiness."

Let it out

Constructive anger...

... involves both people, not just the angry party. In a best-case scenario, the angry person expresses his or her anger to the target, and the target hears the person and reacts appropriately.

... is framed by the injured party in terms of solving a mutual problem rather than used by them as a chance to vent their feelings.

... increases people's sense of control, provides a sense of certainty and prepares people for action.

[johnslat]

Dear Hod,
Well, some think so - if it's properly channeled and controlled, anyway:

"How to be happy in life: let out your anger
Repressing emotions leads to unhappiness, says Harvard psychologist
Conventional advice about keeping a stiff upper lip and staying cool can damage your career and lower your satisfaction in life, according to new research. If you want to be promoted and attain true happiness, you should get angry.

According to the Harvard Study of Adult Development, a piece of research that has tracked the lives of 824 men and women since 1965, those who repress their frustration are at least three times more likely to admit they had hit a glass ceiling in their careers and have disappointing personal lives. On the other hand, the study found, those who learned to harness and channel their anger were far more likely to be professionally well-established, as well as enjoying emotional and physical intimacy with their friends and family.

Professor George Vaillant, a psychiatrist at Harvard Medical School, has spent the last 44 years as director of the Study of Adult Development, based at the Harvard University Health Service. "People think of anger as a terribly dangerous emotion and are encouraged to practise 'positive thinking', but we find that approach is self-defeating and ultimately a damaging denial of dreadful reality," he said. "Negative emotions such as fear and anger are inborn and are of tremendous importance. Negative emotions are often crucial for survival: careful experiments such as ours have documented that negative emotions narrow and focus attention so we can concentrate on the trees instead of the forest."
Vaillant criticises the boom in anti-anger, mood-stabilising drugs and the growing market for anger-management counselling and classes. He believes that, while uncontrolled exhibitions of anger are destructive, learning to positively channel our anger serves a vital role in our wellbeing. Internalising the emotion can cause depression, health problems and communication difficulties.

"Psychologists, having dealt for generations with damaged psyches, should now be engaged in the psychological equivalent of reverse engineering," he said. "We all feel anger, but individuals who learn how to express their anger while avoiding the explosive and self-destructive consequences of unbridled fury have achieved something incredibly powerful in terms of overall emotional growth and mental health. If we can define and harness those skills, we can use them to achieve great things."

Dr Carol Tavris, a social psychologist and author of Anger: The Misunderstood Emotion, agrees. She believes properly expressed anger can help to clarify relationship problems and also clinch business deals, fuel political agendas and give people a sense of control during uncertain times. More globally, she said, it can inspire an entire culture to change for the better - as witnessed by the civil rights movement of the 1960s and the earlier women's suffrage movement. "To paraphrase Malcolm X, there's a time and a place for anger, where nothing else will do."

Dr James Averill, a University of Massachusetts Amherst psychologist, believes anger has a bad name because it is erroneously associated with violence. In a study of everyday anger, Averill found that angry episodes helped strengthen relationships about half the time and only lead to violence in less than 10% of cases. "Anger can be used to aid intimate relationships, work interactions and political expression," said Averill. "When you look at everyday episodes of anger, as opposed to those that have more dramatic outcomes, the results are usually positive."

Dr Howard Kassinove, co-author of Anger Management: The Complete Treatment Guidebook for Practice, recently published a study of more than 2,000 adults in the Journal of Social Behaviour and Personality in which more than 55% said an angry episode produced a positive outcome.

Almost a third of participants also admitted that the episode helped them see their own faults.

"People who are targets of anger in these studies will say things like, 'I really understand the other person much better now - I guess I wasn't listening before'," said Kassinove. "While assertive expression is always preferable to angry expression, anger may serve an important alerting function that leads to deeper understanding of the other person and the problem."

The philosopher and author Alain de Botton agrees that anger is a misunderstood emotion. "Though philosophers have traditionally been concerned with the pursuit of happiness, far greater wisdom would seem to lie in pursuing ways to be properly and productively unhappy," he said. "The stubborn recurrence of anger means the development of a workable approach to it must surely outstrip the value of any utopian quest for happiness."

Let it out

Constructive anger...

... involves both people, not just the angry party. In a best-case scenario, the angry person expresses his or her anger to the target, and the target hears the person and reacts appropriately.

... is framed by the injured party in terms of solving a mutual problem rather than used by them as a chance to vent their feelings.

... increases people's sense of control, provides a sense of certainty and prepares people for action.

http://www.guardian.co.uk/science/2009/mar/01/psychology-anger-business-workplace-study

[Cool Teacher]

Dear John,

Your right, I was just kinda joking. Good advice...

You said you nearly lost your head. Do you mean literally in that square outside the Ministry of Virtue?

All the Best,

Cool Teacher

[johnslat]

Dear Cool Teacher,
Well, I'll admit I was using hyperbole. I wasn't in danger of being beheaded for losing my head (so to speak.) But I was nearly imprisoned and deported for telling off a VERY influential Saudi.
After I'd finished my tirade, he asked, "Do you know who I am?"
And I replied, " What's the matter? Did you forget THAT, too?"
The only thing that saved my *ss was I had a Saudi friend who had even more wasta than that jerk.
But I did learn my lesson. I spent a couple of weeks on a razor's edge.

Regards,
John