Job Discussion Forums

[kojimoji]

I've been here in Japan now for about three weeks, and have feelings of crushing homesickness, to the point of wanting to cry randomly throughout the day when the mere thought of my friends and family back home enters my mind. Is this normal? I feel as though I should handle myself better, because everyone I talk to who has taught in Japan says that they "thrived" here, and that it was "the time of my life."

So I know Japan is the best country ever according to practically everyone I have spoken with.... but how long does it usually take for someone to get established and feel capable? My town hardly has any foreigners in it, and I don't know Japanese at all, which leads to some extremely frustrating attempts at getting ANYTHING accomplished without my boss walking with me and holding my hand during the process.

So... any stories of dealing with loneliness? Am I the only one freaking out over nothing, or is it normal for me to feel so defeated?

[timothypfox]

It is quite normal to go through homesickness, and depending on you and your situation it will be greater or less. Having good days and bad days is normal, and being set off by little tiny things (such as being reminded you are different by the continual "do you use chopsticks" question) is normal too.

I was in Japan about 10 years ago, and I survived by buying a Japanese textbook - Japanese for Busy People. I taught myself Japanese at night during the week. Then every Saturday night whether I felt like it or not - and I often didn't - I went to a local foreigner pub.

After becoming a regular there, I made some friends - both Japanese and expats.

But, I will say this. To make things work for you in Japan - you will need to be proactive. If going to a bar is not your thing, join a sports club, or some kind of cultural club such as karate - outside of your work. You will make friends and meet English speakers from time to time and you will even get to a point where you can get by with some basic Janglish with a lot of people.

If it is the location that bothers you, your school does not own your visa, and you could get a new job in a more metropolitan area. Some teachers are happy whiling there way away in the countryside learning Japanese, while others (perhaps you) need to be in the city. Again, you will need to be proactive about this.

If you up and go before you try any of my suggestions you might go back home filled with regret that you couldn't make things work out.

Best of luck to you!

[GambateBingBangBOOM]

[wintersweet]

Have you gotten to have any fun? Do you have a guidebook? I know a lot of people seem to move to Japan with no travel guide because they're going to live there and not be tourists, but this seems like a terrible idea to me. A Rough Guide and a copy of Japan by Rail will be really helpful for getting out and having some fun.

Have you tried meetup.com to see if there's anything in your area, or failing that, your local town's website?

(Distractions and getting active and focused on your new life will help a lot.)

Are you studying Japanese? It's slow going at first but learning some "getting around town" phrases could really help! I got by on my honeymoon with please, thank you, where is X, is this going to [city]? (later I found out that was the wrong way to ask, but nobody seemed to mind ).

Is there a class you can take anywhere?

Have you installed Rikaichan (for Firefox) or something else to help you look things up online?

(Tools for making your daily life and communication better will help, too.)

Are you giving yourself a break and letting yourself read and do things in your home language? (assuming that's English, I let myself read English novels when I was in Taiwan)

Good luck!

And yeah, I think it's normal; most people go through a kind of honeymoon phase when they first get to a new country but sometimes that doesn't happen if you don't get a chance to go off and do fun stuff.

(And I second the matsuri idea )

[Glenski]

Keep a lifeline home to friends and family. Phone, email, Skype, regular post. But also realize that after about a month or so, their responses to mail may not always be as immediate as earlier. Their lives have gone on without you, and sometimes the "thrill" of you being in an exotic land wears off them.

Keep busy. Scout around your neighborhood. Get a bike to do this cheaply. Keep a journal or start a blog (and read others' blogs). I have maintained a monthly newsletter for the decade I've been here. Keeps people informed about what I do, as well as about culture so they don't just ask in general "Hey, how's Japan?" the next time we're in contact.

Realize you are far away. Focus on what your job requires of you. Hard if you feel lonely, but aside from trying to stay in touch back home, going out with coworkers, or trying to find new friends, the main reason you're here is for the job, right? Channel some efforts there to take your mind off the loneliness.

Stay/Get in shape. I knew someone who stayed in Tokyo for 3 months (different kind of work) and gained 40 pounds because she was so miserable. Losing your health doesn't make one feel any better about a sad situation.

[Tim Trowbridge]

Read this article:

http://www.transworldeducation.com/insurance/culture_shock.htm

Looks like you had a short Stage 1 and are now in Stage 2.

[Apsara]

I have to say that I never experienced the feelings you describe, although I left behind a loving family, good friends, and my boyfriend. I think one reason was that I first came over with a group of other NZers to work on a skifield in Nagano and was just having a great time- the work was boring, but we skied, we got to use our Japanese, the skifield management put on parties for us, so not much time to feel lonely. Then I moved down to Saitama to teach English- I did not know a single person there, but lived in a gaijin house at first so had plenty of people to talk to and hang out with. Even so I remember there being some tears when I first arrived and realised I was on my own there- I was 20 at the time.

I had also been wanting to travel since my early teens- it didn't have to be Japan, I just wanted to get out and see the world and now I was doing it, so actually I was pretty over the moon to be living in another country. This was in 1995 so noone really had email yet and Skype did not exist- I could only keep in touch with letters and the odd fax and phone call but that was enough for me.

I also have to say you do seem to be doing it particularly hard- I don't mean to sound insensitive but it's only been three weeks and you miss your family/friends that much? Have you not ever spent any time apart from them before? If you are in a situation with not a lot of people around to talk to it may just be a feeling of isolation which is causing you to spend more time than necessary focusing on thoughts of your friends and family- if so take some of the above advice and try to get away from your own thoughts a bit.

Also, some people are perhaps just not meant to live overseas and are better off close to family- you might in the end be one of those people. I do know a few people who have headed home after less than a week in Japan. Definitely give it a bit more of a chance though- the gloomy rainy season will be over in a few weeks, enjoy the fireworks and the summer festivals.

[kojimoji]

That's amazing how fast replies come on this site! Thanks for the advice... I mean, I have traveled before but I've never lived on my own in a foreign country before, especially where I don't know the language. I'm sure I am not the only one who felt extremely isolated in that type of environment. I live by myself, without any foreigners to talk to, and I haven't gotten a chance to go out in Tokyo at all. You can't tell me seriously that most people will just adjust within a few weeks, can you? Of course I know logically that culture shock affects you with the honeymoon phase before you think everything should be the way it is back home. It just affects every person differently.

Anyway, I did not mean for it to sound melodramatic. I just wondered about people who didn't adjust immediately, because I only hear about people that don't talk about the isolation felt in certain areas. Thanks!

[cornishmuppet]

In a big city like Tokyo things can actually be worse than in a small town when it comes to meeting foreigners. If I go out to a gaijin bar in Nagano I can almost guarantee that if there are any other foreigners there within half an hour or so they'll be talking to me. The same can't be said of Tokyo, having been to the Hubs in Shinjuku a couple of times I found that the atmosphere was rather like England, there were groups of people everywhere and I was completely ignored. Foreigners just aren't that special in Tokyo, but in a smaller place everyone wants to meet the new people.

I'd suggest having a couple of drinks and going out to the smallest places you can find. You should definitely meet some people. Otherwise, the advice on here is pretty good. It can be a lot worse - I was in Nagano for more than six weeks before I even spoke to another foreign person, and I tried pretty hard to find people.

[Conor_Ire]

Does anyone know the best place to meet other foreingers in or around Tokyo , excluding Roppongi??

[Never Ceased To Be Amazed]

OP: Above all, don't go to Japan with unrealistic expectations like Lisa Isobe, who did herself in during my first year as a JET.

http://books.google.com/books?id=zqJ9ymeMqrEC&pg=PA93&lpg=PA93&dq=lisa+isobe+%2B+jet&source=bl&ots=3HQZAMO6t6&sig=tOMhfakx2MkEVvaO5fRwoODCqjM&hl=en&ei=wkFESsGWBIWwmQeWkJGmAQ&sa=X&oi=book_result&ct=result&resnum=1

The poor girl, I believe, assumed that assimilation into Japanese culture based on her skin complexion and Japanese speaking ability would be all that she would need.

Unfortunately, it was not...

NCTBA (Wow! Think about it. It's been 18 years and I still can't get that name out of my head.)

[Mothy]

Have you tried alcohol? It works for me.


No, just kidding (kind of). I certainly have had times where I was homesick, even though I'm here with my wife so I doubt I get as lonely as it sounds like you are. But it still happens anyway.

I think everyone else has said this, but keep busy. Even if you have no one to go out with, go out. Study. Even if you have no interest in learning Japanese (which would be pretty stupid considering the situation) study something. Keep your mind active. Also keep you body active. Is there a gym near you?

As for meeting other people... You say there are hardly any foreigners in your town but you talk about going into Tokyo. If you're near Tokyo there are foreigners near you, even if not actually in your town. You just may not know it yet. But I would try to interact with the locals a bit. I've found a number of them I can communicate with between my broken Japanese and their broken English we find a way.
Although I live near Tokyo I can't tell you any specific place to go to meet people who are foreigners since my wife and I tend to meet with Japanese not foreigners. But just go to Tokyo on a weekend and look for foreigners and stalk them.

[seklarwia]

[Mothy]

Yeah... I guess that might be a better suggestion than stalking people. From a moral standpoint anyway.

[MTR]

Sounds to me like your feeling some perfectly understandable emotions kojimoji. The first time I lived abroad I felt crushing pain whenever I thought of my family and friends back home. I would never say I felt lonely or homesick (although I always miss irn-bru) as such, just missed a few people really badly.

As other people have said keep in regular contact with home. Remember that your family and friends do not want to hear that you are feeling lonely and frustrated. Use this as an incentive to get out and have a great time. Make new friends and do interesting things so the people that care about you can enjoy hearing all about it.

The alcohol suggestion previously mentioned worked well for me. I live in a small city in Tochigi (a little north from Tokyo). For the first couple of days it seemed I was the only foreigner in town but after visiting a few local bars I eventually found someone who spoke english. By the next day I had been introduced to bout 20 ALT's from the surrounding area and several locals who enjoyed speaking/trying to speak english. If you live anywhere near Tokyo there are bound to be english speakers (several ALT's at the very least) in your area. Its just a matter of finding them.

Clubs could be another great idea although so far I haven't felt the need to join any myself. How about taking japanese lessons? I would be very surprised if you cant find lessons available at incredibly cheap rates.

As for the frustration with trying to overcome the language barrier I know exactly what you are feeling. I arrived in Japan just under four months ago with about four words in my japanese vocabulary. I soon learned that outside of a major city there was no way I could carry on like that. I had a nightmare trying to take out a cell phone contract, get my hair cut, pay bills etc. this made me really determined to learn and so every time I came across a situation I couldn't deal with I would try and learn new phrases to help me cope better next time round. To be honest my Japanese is still quite pathetic but is at last improving continually so that I find less and less frustrating break downs in communication.

Anyways i'm sure that things will pick up for you. I firmly agree with those who have already told you that Japan is a fantastic place. Once you get over your initial teaching problems you will most probably have a great time!