Job Discussion Forums

Justin Trullinger · Posted: Thu Oct 08, 2009 5:59 pm Post subject: Dating students?

Another thread, ostensibly about CELTA interviews, has sort of degenerated into a thread about dating students. Interesting topic in this field- but not really too closely tied to that thread. So I thought I'd take it here, and add a poll for fun.

To continue, I'll pick up JOhnslat's last coment.

Stephen Jones · Joined: 21 Feb 2003 Posts: 4124

John of course spent all his EFL career in Iran, Saudi Arabia with a brief break in the US penitential system, so somehow I think he might be lacking in both temptation and experience.

johnslat · Posted: Thu Oct 08, 2009 6:13 pm Post subject:

Dear Stephen,

You forgot Indonesia (two years) - where temptation, believe me, abounded and, I assume, still abounds. Smile

And, since 2003, I've been teaching ESL (and Critical Reading) @ Santa Fe Community College. Now, it's true that I'm "of a certain age" these days, but then, many of my mostly Hispanic students here are also ladies "of a certain age." Temptation has been by no means lacking.
Ah, those ladies from Brazil and Peru!

Regards,
John

Justin Trullinger · Posted: Thu Oct 08, 2009 6:31 pm Post subject:

I wouldn't know anything about John's love life, or anyone else's around here, for that matter. Where there's a will, there's probably a way to be tempted.

I guess I'm similarly unencumbered by experience of dating students. I met my current partner fairly early in my teaching career, and haven't really been "on the scene" for several years. Not that this seems to stop everybody.

I'm curious, though- wouldn't it make you uncomfortable to have, say, 11 students and your lover in the same class?

Best,
Justin

johnslat · Posted: Thu Oct 08, 2009 6:33 pm Post subject:

Dear Justin,

"I'm curious, though- wouldn't it make you uncomfortable to have, say, 11 students and your lover in the same class?"

Probably not as uncomfortable as having eleven lovers and one student in that class.

Great class size, though.

Regards,
John

Hot2GlobeTrot · Joined: 01 Sep 2009 Posts: 82 Location: Calgary, Canada

johnslat · Posted: Thu Oct 08, 2009 8:55 pm Post subject:

Dear Hot2GlobeTrot,

Regarding privates (and how appropriate that term is here), to paraphase the famous statement about Vegas:

What happens in your house, stays in your house. Smile

Regards,
John

Hot2GlobeTrot · Joined: 01 Sep 2009 Posts: 82 Location: Calgary, Canada

johnslat · Posted: Thu Oct 08, 2009 9:25 pm Post subject:

Dear Hot2GlobeTrot,

I don't see it as the same at all. If you're employed as a teacher, teaching a class of students, that's when "professional ethics" come into play. You have a responsibility to your employers/students/their families to behave in an ethical, professional fashion.

If you're on your own, teaching privates, that, to me, is an entirely different kettle of fish.

Regards,
John

nickpellatt · Joined: 08 Dec 2006 Posts: 1522

I went for option 3. I dont really think its the done thing, and this is based on my experience of actually dating a student when I was in China. She wasnt a student in my class, and we didnt advertise the fact we were dating. At best, it was totally secret, at worst, a few may have suspected.

On reflection ... it was the wrong thing to do ... and it isnt something I plan on doing again. There was no horror story or anything terrible about it, but I just dont feel its the right thing to do.

I would admit I dont think it would be a problem to meet a student in class, and date after, perhaps if he course had ended or you took another job, but dating students from a school, whilst you are still teaching at said school ... not the way to go IMO

jonniboy · Posted: Thu Oct 08, 2009 9:40 pm Post subject:

Never done it though the temptation has always been there, the short skirts and high heels of some of those Russian ladies doesn't half make it difficult to concentrate on the finer points of the present perfect continuous! General principle I've observed is to avoid those I'm currently giving classes to.

A related issue is teaching boyfriend and girlfriend. All hell can break loose in the event of any breakup. "Has she said anything about other men?" Rolling Eyes

Sashadroogie · Posted: Thu Oct 08, 2009 9:44 pm Post subject:

Heh heh! Interesting thread and lines of argument. But so, so Western oriented. Come to Slavland, and see how little folks here care either way who's "dating" who in or out of the classroom...not that I condone such behaviour, of course, heh heh.

Justin Trullinger · Posted: Thu Oct 08, 2009 9:44 pm Post subject:

Guess you could argue that if it's a private student, it isn't going to affect anyone else's classroom dynamic.

THat aside...if you meet "the one" (which is a concept I am perhaps too old and cynical to believe, but never mind), you've been waiting all your life until now. Wait for the rest of the semester, will ya?

denise · Joined: 23 Apr 2003 Posts: 3419 Location: finally home-ish

I never would, because of both the power issue and the awkwardness that Justin mentioned. Other people do, and that's their own business, but they've just got to deal with whatever consequences arise--ranging from the difficulty of having, as Justin said, a nutjob ex in the class, to potential legal consequences.

I've never been romantically or physically attracted to my students--in my mind, they are students, so they are automatically off limits. It helps that I tend to teach university-aged students, who are too young for me anyway. (Although I'm sure there are plenty of 34-year-old women out there who'd like to have 20-year-old boys... not me, though!)

d

spiral78 · Joined: 05 Apr 2004 Posts: 11534 Location: On a Short Leash

what about private tutoring? After hours, she's in my house, we're conversing, maybe glass of wine to ease tension.......is it unethical to date private students?

Actually, any private student who would agree to meet with you at your place and accept a glass of wine is probably fair game. But this is a fantasy scene of what private teaching's like. You'll scare away far more potential students offering to work with them at your home than you'll attract, in most places!

On the topic, where do you guys meet with private students? Me, the library or possibly a quiet cafe. Public venues, always. I don't go to their places, would never invite them to mine.