Job Discussion Forums

Jerkstores · Joined: 17 Feb 2010 Posts: 5

I've read a little bit about these guys, the ones who were total MOD EDIT in the west and are now total jerks in Asia. How common is this? Is it more common in one country or another? After looking at some of what is written about the LBHs I'm starting to wonder if total immersion and isolating myself from the other Expats might wind up being a good idea.

Sadebugo · Joined: 10 May 2003 Posts: 524

nickpellatt · Joined: 08 Dec 2006 Posts: 1522

There are good and bad people everywhere, not just abroad. Saying that, I dont actually hang out that much with other FT's...I chat a lot to my housemate, but socially, I tend to go out with local people.

The flip side of this ... is the other FT's probably see me with my best friend here, who is female...and label me 'LBH' Sad

Jerkstores · Joined: 17 Feb 2010 Posts: 5

denise · Joined: 23 Apr 2003 Posts: 3419 Location: finally home-ish

Well, according to the stereotype of LBH (also called Charisma Man), part of the reason such guys end up with local gals is because western gals can see more clearly what jerks they are and won't have anything to do with them, in their home countries or abroad. Of course, the guys don't see it that way!

You don't need to avoid all fellow expats--just watch out for the nutcases! (And yes, there are nice, sane people and complete wackos just about everywhere...)

d

Justin Trullinger · Posted: Wed Mar 31, 2010 4:26 am Post subject:

Life is what you make of it. It may not be a great way to get started in a career (if you're just starting out, OP) by thinking that most people who make a choice similar to yours (go overseas to teach) must have something wrong with them.

Sure, there a losers in this field. And some real crazies as well! They should be avoided, same as back home.

Refusing contact with those who have the most in common with you (people in similar career and lifestyle situations) is not usually recommended, though. It's GREAT to integrate with the locals, but...there are times when your local friends are going to find you unbelievably weird, and be totally unable to understand what you're going through. Foreign friends can be an unbelievably helpful support.

Also, you fluent in the language where you're heading? If not...the kind of integration you can do in the beginning may be limited to the local anglophiles (or EnglishTeacher-o-philes) anyway. Or to relationships where you don't really understand what's going on. And yes, getting into friendships and relationships with locals who you can't understand is pretty much the definition of the "zero to hero" phenomenom.

Nothing wrong with getting in with the locals, mind. But when I meet a foreign guy and his local girlfriend, and realize that they can't actuallly have a conversation, yeah, it looks like classic low self esteem on all sides to me.

If you decide to avoid expats, but aren't yet extremely culturally and linguistically competent in your new country, you limit yourself to the kind of locals who, for their own reasons, want to spend time helping (and showing off) their expat friends/boyfriends/girlfriends. Again, this can pave the road to loserville.

Avoid the losers, by all means. Regardless of their nationality! And the first tip to avoid them is to do your best not to be one...they tend to find their own kind, anyway.

Best,
Justin