Job Discussion Forums

[Dagmar]

I have been to China several times, and was told on my first visit by *** University under whose umbrella I came the first time, it would be a good thing to bring gifts, which I did: prefume for wives, chocolates, english language books etc and have since downsized my gifts to things like ENGLAND t-shirts/ENGLAND pencil cases/lavendar fancy soaps etc as their standard of living is higher than expected. However, I do want to repeat this warning to any freshies, with this tale-- when I was teaching in Beijing, there was one admin, who was extremely hard working and exceptionally helpful. She was getting married in Church so in a moment of weakness I presented her with a real gold cross and chain to wish them luck for future. I later discovered that the girl threw the gold into a waste paper basket! Her young man had told her it was not gold!
Be warned, don't buy gifts which would upset you if you discovered they had been thrown out- remember the chinese always think that what ever is theirs is better than anything from anywhere else however good your item is.

[mozzar]

Dear god! How much have you spent on gifts for these people? Is this a normal thing in China? That's absolutely mental!

[Justin Trullinger]

Gifts are important in a lot of cultures. I've never thought of taking it to that extreme, though. When I move from one country to another, I often take handicrafts or tourist things for people.

I tend towards the kinds of things that are unique to a place, but not expensive. For example, chopsticks when leaving Korea, woven scarves when leaving Ecuador. I buy a lot of similar items, to get a discount, and they make nice gifts for friends, family, colleagues, whoever.

To the OP, though- a gift is a gift. Once given, it belongs to the recipient, and they can do whatever they want with it. Anything that you actually care about the eventual use/misuse/treatment of probably really isn't an appropriate gift. (or at least, is only really appropriate for an intimate friend, close enough that you really know what they'll do with it and can talk about it.) I feel like that may have been part of what happened here- was it an appropriate present for a casual aquaintance?

Best,
Justin

[Dagmar]

The young lady in question really pulled out all the stops for us, especially me as I am much older than most visiting foreign teachers- nearly 66 now- and indeed, we got to know her very well. She spent many happy hours telling us about her wedding and her future- I suppose I am a softee and no, normally I would not give such a gift - but as she was marrying in Church....you know.- I myself am a former refugee from eastern europe and we always took and take gifts - it was and is expected, part of our culture! Years ago when I went on an exchange visit to the Soviet Union from my town in England- Sheffield, we were told the same, 'take gifts'- I took nylons and tights then, as they are something women can never have enough of but times have changed!
I find this 'England' memorablia goes down very well infact and is quite inexpensive to obtain-