Job Discussion Forums

[Atlas]

How do you control your classroom from hell?

Do you coddle, nurture, use positive reinforcements, give your attention to those who deserve it and not to those who abuse it? Do you press a gold star on the forehead?

Do you threaten, scold and vilify, embarass and humiliate? Make the lesson an exercise in standing up and sitting down?

Do you make your students feel your biceps? Do you break broom handles over their wooden noggins? Do they tremble at the sight of your quivering glutes?

Do you use a piercing boathorn and megaphone to get attention? Do you separate the bookworms from the delinquents and have a schizoid room?

Do you rely on native teachers to come in and give the evil eye?

Do you tolerate disrespect? Do you make a fuss about loud belches? Do you win belching contests?

DO you let your kiddies come in 15 minutes late with a mass noodle takeout order? Do you get angry if they didn't bring you some?

Do you stumble in 30 minutes late hungover? Do you smoke, flirt, and write a lexicon of curses on the board, and talk about Who's Zooming Who, in order to ingratiate yourself to the little monsters?

Do you allow chaos? Do you have an option? Take arms against a sea of tribbles, and by opposing, end them?

Personally I almost never beat my students, and when I do, it hurts me more than it hurts them. Really, my hands are so chapped....

I remind you, even monkeys fall out of trees. I don't know why I said that.

In the words of Captain Picard, I need options, people!

[James_T_Kirk]

Ah, a thread complete with Star Trek references! As my dear friend Captain Picard said, "The line must be drawn HERE!" Don't let your students run over you! Remember, you are in charge! I think we have this natural tendency to want to be really nice to our students and try to become not only their teacher, but their friend as well. That's all well and good, but you have to establish that you are the teacher that is in charge first, and that you aren't going to take any crap from them. Set the phaser on stun and zap them a few times if necessary! Make it so!

[leeroy]

I love the beautiful irony of your poll question!

[saudade]

I love your writing, Atlas. And I love your poll, too.

[Atlas]

Thanks!

Phasers set to stun...but the schitulation diverter rods are contaminating the warp plasma field and it's interfering with my isolinear targeting mechanism....can't keep fighting these aliens...too many....Scotty where is that transporter????? We're...losing...containment!

[Wolf]

Well, in the poll I'll vote Locutus. The Borg can teach you everything they know in just a few moments. The downside being that it means being assimilated into the collective.

Troi never really demonstrated a great deal of teaching ability (although, to be fair, there is an episode in the first season where she tries to teach Picard an alien langauge.)

For the rest of it, I just try to keep order from day 1. I don't have a lot of behavioral problems with students in my current job.

[Glenski]

Sometimes I'm a Kirk. Sometimes I'm a Picard.

Examples.
When students don't stop chatting or otherwise horsing around, they get 2 warnings from me. On the third offense, 2 things may happen. I may stand silent and stare at them until other students shush them (and they do). Or I may get fed up and just move the students (usually high school jocks who think they are so hip, so strong, so above all others) to lonely places in the room, sometimes facing the wall. I even move the desks for them, and mutter "elementary school kids" as I do it. They whine and sometimes say no, but a firm DO IT! wins out every time. Nobody has ever done it again. I follow this up with a conversation with their homeroom teacher (a godlike figure in Japan) and/or their sport coach (another god) who give them a separate talking to. I have received several public apologies from these people after that.

Another technique depends on the class. I may have written that we'll do something fun at the end of the class. If students disrupt the class, I point out this fun item is GONE, and I erase it from the board. Then, I tell everyone to thank the ...(Klingon term here)...disruptors for taking away their fun time for that day.

I've had small groups collaborate on projects with one person preparing to speak for the group. If someone in that group causes trouble, I surprise them by saying that THEY are the spokesperson. No matter how they refuse, I hold firm until they (always poorly) do the job. Did this once, and I performed an impromptu class vote on which group did best and worst. Guess who won the booby prize? Shuts them up for the rest of the year.

Late to class? I stop them at the door, take names, and (depending on how late they were, or why) mark them late as obviously as possible. At my school, 3 lates qualify as an absence, which looks bad on their school record.

In case anyone is interested, in each case, I come back to the class the following week and act as if nothing has happened. I treat the offenders as well as all others. Many "repent" their ways. We don't become best buddies, but they never goof off again.

[Shaman]

I'm surprised. I would have expected a "You will die without honour" by now.

Shaman

[Atlas]

Teacher's log, Stardate 75840398574850930927503405-3495-34. 1/2

The crew came through and averted the aliens within the final seconds of an autodestruct warp core breach.

Phasers had no effect. These are the Borg, they don't notice you unless you have something they want to assimilate, or until you become a threat:
The situation was exacerbated by these particular Borg being separated from their Collective. Chaos and hilarity ensue.

Here's something:

I took a troublemaker (or two) from each class and brought him to the front and showed him a paper the DOS printed up. On this sheet was a chart with categories like "behavior" "attendance" " gets along well with teacher" "class participation", etc, and plenty of information blanks for the student's Chinese name, Pinyin, English name, etc, and I filled them out while they watched. Teacher's evaluation: failing. I made them write their phone number at the top, and sign their name to confirm that they saw the sheet.

The next day they were docile, in regenerating mode I suspect.

Next week is an all-new adventure....

On a personal note, I got lucky with an octopus-lady and--oh, there's the com.

Now if you'll excuse me I'll be in the sonic shower working on another Captain's Log.....

[Dr.J]

My attitude has always been to enter the classroom as a person, then decide that I want to teach something. I don't mean be touchy-feely, or be their 'friend'. I mean go into the classroom and be 100% aware of "Why am I here?" "Why are you lot here?" and then go from there.

I'm not explaining myself very well. I mean, imagine there has never ever been a school before and you are the first teacher ever (adapt it for star trek if you like). What do you do the moment you step into the classroom? Without preconceptions of the role, you just teach. It's not actually very hard if you think of it this way. Teaching is in a sense a very natural human thing. But once we cover it up with systems and methodology (and terminology!) we get caught up trying to deal with a world that doesn't actually exist. I always think to myself: stop trying to be 'a teacher', and just start trying to teach.

Hmm, I've started to rant...

Discipline: Silence has always worked for me.

[Steiner]

I voted Locutus because the name conjured up an image of a locust.

I know nothing about Star Trek.

[dmb]

@ steiner. What does Troi conjure up an image of? I don't know Star Treck either