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[khmerhit]

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After reading several encouraging posts about the prospects of finding moon pies here in shangai, i decided to go on hunt for some yesterday. I first went to the convenience store near my school and showed the moon pie image one of you attached to your post the other day. Although his quizical expression indicated that he wasnt familar with moon pies, he suggested i try a nearby grocery store. I was familar with the place, and never noticed moon pies there before, but i never really conducted much of an investigation since i had until very recently a steady stream of moon pies coming from home. Upon walking in, I grabbed the nearest employee and showed him the picture of the moon pie. He seemed to have an idea of what they were, so he took me to the snack section of the store and produced a box of what appeared to be moon pies and silently went about his way. I have to say, I was fairly suspicious of not only the availability of moon pies at this particular grocery, but also the nonchalant manner in which I was directed to them by the clerk. Its not like moon pies are a hot commodity here in china, so I started to wonder if something was amiss. And even if they really were moon pies, what would I want with the Chinese version (I doubt they import them from Alabama and then repackage them for Chinese consumption). Much to our chagrin, we all know how most of the stuff the chinese try to knock off is pretty lackluster (movies, music, bicycles, pizzas, cooking with noodles, etc.). Still, if there's one thing ive learned since ive been is that if you cant fight people when a misunderstanding arises, then you should be happy with whatever you can get. With this in mind, i grabbed a box and wandered around until i found the guy who helped me locate the moon pies. I asked him if it would be okay for me to first sample a single moon pie before i purchased the whole box. It took me about 3 minutes of body language and the use of my limited chinese to get my point across, but when i finally did, he refused my offer, pointed me to the sleepy not un-hot girl at the checkout counter and returned to his business of feeding these very chinese looking turtles. well, i wasnt about to fork over 25 rmb for a bunch of shotty moon pies without first having a taste. Those of you who've sampled packaged food over here know where im coming from. we've all been duped into buying the box with the hot girl, or the lazer beams and streamers, or one with a guy with an orange football only to find dry and crusty contents that fail to resemble let alone taste like the supposed product. plus, my students have told me that people that work in package factories like to stuff boxes with small mice or *beep* so when theyre bought, the customer opens a box a whole litter of mice or army of *beep*. anyway, since i couldnt explain my concerns to the employee, i ripped open the box of chinese moon pies and began to open one from its cellaphane wrapping. well, the guy goes ape s h i t. He immediately seizes the box and the moon pie from my hand and begins to escort me to the register. Refusing to kowtow to this guy, i break free from his limp grasp and snatch a turtle from the aquarium. i happen to have my pocket knife with me (thankfully) so i whip it out draw the blade up the turtle's neck in an effort to negotiate an exchange with the clerk before things get out of hand. However, this guy did not have a cool, collected bone in his puny shapeless body; instead, he backed off and screamed something chinese, whereat two stock boys came running and joined the stand-off, looking pretty scared and confused as they stood behind him. I didnt want to lose any face here so i started screaming "I'll do it! I'll do it! I'll cut his F#@cking neck! Give me those moon pies!" i pulled the turtle in close to my chest and alternated between pointing the knife at my asssailants and my amphibious hostage, trying to look as crazed and menacing as possible. well, before things got completely out of my control, two of my students walked into the store. upon seeing this odd spectacle, they rushed over to find out what the problem was. it didnt take them long to figure out that dimplomatic efforts had broken down, so they intervened, both by urging me to put the knife away and the turtle down and imploring the chinese guys to back off. Both sides complied and face was saved by all involved (although i didnt get any moon pies). I later asked my student what he told the wimpy guys at the store. He said �I tell them you crazy and would use the knife on turtle and on people�. To this I had a good laugh because I don�t think I could ever stab someone over a box of moon pies.

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[scot47]

Dan - as you may have gathered - is a resident psycho with limited communicative competence,

An example of the kind of EFL teacher you may run into in the PRofC.

The ones in Saudi are not usually quite as barking mad, at least not in public. Who knows what happens behind closed doors in the Mysterious Middle East ?

[James_T_Kirk]

While Dan might not be the best communicator in the world, he certainly makes up for it with his imagination!

[lozwich]

Is this the same guy who was showing off his muscles the other week? I like this story much better, although I was a little worried for the poor little turtle!

Ummm.... just one thing......

What's a moon pie??

[khmerhit]

It's like a choicolate cake thingie, loz.

" so i whip it out draw the blade up the turtle's neck in an effort to negotiate an exchange with the clerk before things get out of hand. "

DID YOU SAY BEFORE THINGS GOT OUT OF HAND?
DANdan dandan dan dan dan DAN!

[About The Author]

surprised-surprised

the police should have locked you up for showing a knife and for your madness - Try this in LA....!??!

actually your "story" is a troll....

[lozwich]

Always the one for a stupid internet search, I found this: http://www.moonpie.com/. Having read the description, I think a Moon Pie sounds a lot like a Wagon Wheel. Except Wagon Wheels have strawberry jam in them too (what you folks in the US call strawberry jelly). Maybe, if Dan could find a Wagon Wheel to substitute, he wouldn't have to resort to hurting cute little amphibians??

There's something similar to those here in Mexico, but they're bloody horrible. I had one the other day and felt like beating up the shopkeeper, but that's a whole other story!

[Ailian]

Jam could be either jelly or jam. I believe, at least. IIRC, jelly is made with juice, but jam is made with crushed fruit. Either way -- nasty! I've had the "Chinese equilivents", before, but they were more like a cake than a cookie (and not terribly tasty). Then again, moon pies aren't all that great either.

[Clancy]

Why bring "res ipsa" into this?

[zaneth]

recently Dan's been lurking about the Russia forum and inquiring into the nature of Russian women.

I spent some time at my Aunt's house once and cleaned her freezer out of moon pies. Had never really had them before. Sure, they were available in my childhood jaunts outside of parentally imposed boundaries to load up on sickeningly sweet things at the convenience store, but somehow I always passed them by (a child with a quarter is a careful consumer, and likely to be conservative). They didn't seem to have the density I looked for.

I grew up on jam in America.

BTW, turtles are reptiles, not amphibians, even though they might be considered "amphibious."

[Eijse]

...

[anthyp]

Hello, could somebody please explain to me what exactly a "troll" is? I guess I kind of missed the Internet explosion as a kid and am still catching up. Dan is obviously either somebody's alter - ego or some kind of bogus program.

[Eijse]

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[zaneth]

Thank you for the definition of a troll. I was thinking it referred specifically to a made up story. And I was thinking of large warty ugly green mythical creatures lurking under bridges and being picky about goats.

[lfclouds]

Dan is a genius - fact.