Job Discussion Forums

Capergirl · Posted: Fri Mar 26, 2004 12:13 am Post subject: Are these your students?

Do you recognize these students?

The Debater - He never misses a chance to argue with you about anything and everything, even hard and fast grammar rules. When he's truly inspired, he will jump up from his seat, grab the whiteboard marker, and draw complex, detailed diagrams of who-in-holy-heck-knows-what to prove his point.

The Star - She's convinced that she has exceptional English skills and wonders how you fail to recognize such linguistic genius. You must be a moron. The other students are put off by her pompous attitude. That's okay...they're just jealous.

The Whiner - He's impossible the please. In fact, he doesn't want to be pleased. He wants to whine and complain and he wants you to listen to it. You are a trained therapist, are you not?

The Space Cadet - Hello? McFly? Hellooooooo???????

The Annoyer - Knuckle cracking, pencil tapping, gum popping, sighing...he's got a whole bag of tricks to keep you endlessly distracted.

The Snoozer - It wouldn't be such a problem if she didn't snore so loudly.

The Smoker - If he asks you if it's break time yet just one more time, you're going to tell him what he can do with his cigarettes.

The Mute - Shocked

The Chatty Cathy - If you could only find the "off" switch...

The Class Clown - He's not about to let the teacher have all the attention. Grab a snack and pull up a chair. He'll let you know when the show is over and then you can resume your lesson...until he gets his second wind.

The Testophobe - The words "test", "exam", and "quiz" strike fear into her heart and cause her to break out in a cold sweat. On the day of the test, she may hyperventilate, twitch uncontrollably, and even have a full-blown panic attack. Keep a brown paper bag handy.

The Time Checker - Does he have somewhere else to be? Are you that boring? Is he in love with his new digital watch?

The Drama Queen - Class is about to start and the tears begin to flow. What travesty has befallen our little darling today? You likely won't find out before day's end and much more drama.

The Keener - He comes ten minutes early, sits in the front row, and gets ready for an aerobic workout with his right arm. He doesn't always know the answer, but what does it matter? He's keen. Laughing

foster · Joined: 07 Feb 2003 Posts: 485 Location: Honkers, SARS

Capergirl, when were you in my classroom?! Shocked

I have a few that are horrid combinations of the kids you suggested..a debater/star and a keener/class clown. Such lovely kids. Rolling Eyes

Shaman · Joined: 06 Apr 2003 Posts: 446 Location: Hammertown

ROTFLMAO, Capes! Laughing

The debater is the one that used to wrankle me the most:

"Of course you must be right, [insert name here]. I've only been speaking the language for over 30 years and teaching for 5. What would I know about it next to you?"

Now:

"I guess being wrong is en vogue for you." Twisted Evil

Shaman

khmerhit · Posted: Fri Mar 26, 2004 1:16 am Post subject:

Capergirl For President!!! Idea

Alitas · Joined: 19 May 2003 Posts: 187 Location: Maine

I don't quite have your style, CG, but add to that list...

The Flirt: Convinced you want his body, tries to be alone with you. Extremely creepy.

The Complete Idiot: You wonder if he can spell his own name? You feel sorry for him.

The Woman in Search of a Husband: She preys on new students. Eventually they try and move away from her but are only saved by seating charts or another new student. She looks like she could be attractive but has a black-hole quality about her.

The Diva: Oh, I'm sorry, were you trying to teach us something? Just let me finish my chats here and would you mind throwing away my used mocha-latte cup? Thanks. Oh, I'll just use the bathroom and then we can all begin.

denise · Joined: 23 Apr 2003 Posts: 3419 Location: finally home-ish

Some days I have nothing but mutes. Kind, sweet mutes, but mutes nonetheless.

d

Lanza-Armonia · Posted: Fri Mar 26, 2004 4:15 am Post subject:

waxwing · Joined: 29 Jun 2003 Posts: 719 Location: China

How about the Inebriated Deaf Mute?
I guess I'll need to take my black belt in TESOL before I figure out how to teach him...

denise · Joined: 23 Apr 2003 Posts: 3419 Location: finally home-ish

gugelhupf · Joined: 24 Jan 2004 Posts: 575 Location: Jabotabek

The dedicated mobile phone user.

The B.O. boy (yeuch!).

Little Miss Ever-so-Earnest who emails me at the weekend with trivial questions about homework and can't understand why I don't reply there and then.

sidjameson · Joined: 11 Jan 2004 Posts: 629 Location: osaka

The terminally ill. First class they just look as though they've just come from a particulary bad bowel movement and to make matters worse while wiping put their hand through the toilet paper. Subsequent weeks things don't improve. Their constant sour expression, which challenges even the Buddist view of the lack of permanence in this world finally leads you to believe that they must have been daignosed with one of the nastier death assuring deseases that one can pick up in your particular part of the world. They do all that is asked of them though but you just wish that they wouldn't show you by their expression that they wish that they could just think of a better way to spend the last few weeks of their pitiful lifes'.

Mind you I have to add that some of these very same students have come up to me after the last class and told me how much they enjoyed it.
Shocked

been_there · Joined: 28 Oct 2003 Posts: 284 Location: 127.0.0.1

the Missed-The-Pointer: They fill-in-the-blanks on multiple choice tests and circle the words on fill-in-the-blanks. You could tell them that the sky is blue, and they say, "Yes, yes, it IS green." They have a habit of showing up with strange essays they have written about off-the-cuff remarks you have made in class, while never actually doing assigned homework. Try as you might, they always manage to ALMOST do it right...

Mike_2003 · Joined: 27 Mar 2003 Posts: 344 Location: Bucharest, Romania

The Yes-er:

Answers "yes" to every question, particularly when questioned about whether he/she understood something. Likes to talk more than listen, and regards teacher moderation/monitoring as a hinderence. Rarely pays attention to corrections:

S: So last night I went to restaurant and I ...
T. *cough*
S: (brief puzzled look) Yes, and I met my ...
T: Where did you go?
S: (Looks at you as if you are either deaf or stupid) To restaurant.
T: To a restaurant?
S: Yes, to restaurant and I met my friend Murat who ...
T: Ok, we need to use the indefinite article here because ...
S: Yes, I know. So, I went to restaurant and Murat, who ...
T: You went to a restaurant...
S: (Quizical look) Yes, who works for bank, told me that he ...
T: The noun "restaurant" need an article...
S: Yes, yes.
T: ... and as we don't know which restaurant you are talking about ...
S: Yes, yes, ok, yes.
T: ... and there are several restaurants ...
S: (Impatient) I know, yes, a restuarant, ok, yes.
T: So, from the top.
S: I went to restaurant and met my friend ...
T: (Gets up and throws himself out of his third-floor window)

(Repeat every lesson for next ten or fifteen years)

lajzar · Joined: 09 Feb 2003 Posts: 647 Location: Saitama-ken, Japan

The underage flirt - Young enough to be your daughter, but still insists on grabbing you in inappropriate places.

I am so glad I am no longer teaching that one.

khmerhit · Posted: Fri Mar 26, 2004 2:43 pm Post subject:

Mike --classic post