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timothypfox · Joined: 20 Feb 2008 Posts: 492

I have a good personal support system in Japan with a few good colleagues I consider friends, my wife and her family, and a yoga class I go to once a week.

There is one man in the yoga class, so I thought this was a chance for me to make a friend because we have similar interests - namely yoga. So, after several weeks of not getting around to making a plan - we finally nailed down a plan for dinner. We had been communicating in a mixed English / Japanese as my Japanese is not good enough to have a smooth or deep conversation with people.

We went out to dinner and talked very pleasantly, but he began asking me continuous questions about English - and very soon I realized this was really more of an English lesson than a social evening out. While I enjoyed the evening generally (we have a friendly friends feeling between each other), he offered to pay for everything calling the evening great English lesson. I felt a little bit disappointed. Even though I will probably go out again with him (not much to do in a small town), I don't want to meet him very often because I felt pretty tired after the evening and I don't have that much free time off from work.

Any ideas about how I might avoid being "too nice" and steering clear of an "English lesson" dinner with a "friend"?

Glenski · Joined: 15 Jan 2003 Posts: 12844 Location: Hokkaido, JAPAN

Just drop hints like, "I am glad when I don't have to talk about my job all the time. Having friends just to be friends is great. Doctors hate giving free medical advice, too."

Inflames · Joined: 02 Apr 2006 Posts: 486

Pitarou · Joined: 16 Nov 2009 Posts: 1116 Location: Narita, Japan

I'd love to stay and talk, but I need to go home and fuck my wife right now. We're trying for a baby, you see, and this is her moment of peak fertility.

timothypfox · Joined: 20 Feb 2008 Posts: 492

Thanks guys! You've given me something to smile about after venting a little! Laughing

kathrynoh · Joined: 16 Jul 2009 Posts: 64

What does he do for a living? Maybe you should try to scam freebies off him too. Or if you want to be more subtle start the dinner by saying you are tired from teaching all day and really need a break from it.

Cool Teacher

dove · Joined: 01 Oct 2003 Posts: 271 Location: USA/Japan

I always look at these occasions to chat in Japanese, too. He probably won't mind. If he does, then he is only looking for a teacher and his payment will probably be dinner. Couldn't that be OK, too? I know you are tired but it's not like you have a whiteboard near the table at the restaurant, right? And it's not every night, right? He might take you to some nice restaurants that you'd hesitate to go to as a lone gaijin, right? Sounds like a lot of rights here, but I could be wrong.

jmatt · Joined: 29 Apr 2012 Posts: 122

move · Joined: 30 May 2009 Posts: 132

Just make a pass at him. Like, "I couldn't help but notice your body when you were doing the camel pose today..."

timothypfox · Joined: 20 Feb 2008 Posts: 492

This guy is a physiotherapist, but he wasn't any help unfortunately when I explained I had a little tennis elbow from ukulele playing. I'll definitely try more Japanese with him, and I really do like the make a plan let's not make a plan idea. I won't try to make a pass at him in yoga class though because I am already up on a pedestal for being an English speaking foreigner and will backfire because he would probably be genuinely flattered (even though he is straight) and try to invite me out even more!

Thanks for thoughts!