Korean Job Discussion Forums

[Wisconsinite]

My bf and I are getting ready to tell his parents about our relationship. I have already met them but they do not know the extent of our relationship and that we want to get married. His parents are from the country and I was the first foreigner they had ever met so we are nervous to say the least. Does anyone (preferably a girl since I know the situations are different when marrying off sons and daughters) have any advice? Anything I can do on my end? Stories to warm the heart or stories to scare?

[DHC]

My wife's parents are from a similar situation. They wouldn't speak to her for several years after we married but they finally came around and everything is ok now.

Is your boyfriend an only son or the eldest son? That makes a big difference.

[tzechuk]

It's a little bit different for a foreign man to marry a Korean woman and the other way round.

How did they react when they first met you? Were they warm towards you?

I think the thing to do is to get on the good side of the mother - learn a few phrases in Korean, HELP HER around the house if you are having dinner. Offer to wash the dishes and be interested in learning to cook the food etc... a Korean mother worries if her son is going to get fed his favourite food if he married a foreign woman.

My mother in law accepted me right away (this being my husband's second marriage) but she totally loves me because she knows now I can cook up a feast at any given moment and not just foreign food, I can cook really decent Korean meals, too. So good so my husband tells her I cook his favourite food better.. LOL (although this could cause jealousy.. heh).

As for the father - well, believe it or not, they listen to their wife, so if the mother approves and is willing to put in a good word or two for you, he will accept you with no hesitation.

Good luck and congrats!!!

[dog_disco]

...Considering that we a) got married in Canada
b) three month after we met
c) before I met them, or so much as talked on phone.
d) didn't tell them until well after the fact (indirectly: it came down to a Korean conversation which I understand went a bit like this: "So you're married, are you?", "Yes")

...I actually have more Korean than they have English. They hadn't met foreigners before either, I don't think.

...My in-laws have been super since I met them: this coincides with when we came here. They are very conservative people, but also very open-minded, if that makes any sense. + They have been totally supportive, even with my lack of money, status + Korean language skills. The only thing is, they kind of want us to stay here for good. Dunno about that.

...Good manners + a healthy appetite goes a long, long way with them. I'd never gone fishing, but started with my father in law. Got drunk with my brother-in-law. You can't go wrong with the old "smile + nod". Any Korean you can pick up will make them positively beam (or laugh hysterically).

...So, good, all things considered.

[Sash]

[Dazed and Confused]

I married a Korean man. Only son of 4 children. I once commented to him "My family is full of morons. Your family is full of bigger morons!" I find my in-laws to be really strange people. check some of my previous posts on this topic.

[anae]

I have been married to a second son, Korean country boy for almost 8 years. He first introduced me as his language exchange partner when he brought me out the farm for a weekend. His parents had no experience with foreigners either and he wanted them to meet me without any barriers being put up. I used all of the Korean manners I could think of and acted the ideal daughter-in-law. I sat on my knees unless invited to sit comfortably, I waited to eat until my MIL came to the table and took a bite, I ate second helpings of rice even if I didn't feel like it, I helped cook and clean up, I took up cleaning tasks and invited MIL to rest, and I woke up with them and went to bed after them. My MIL guessed at our relationship first and told my husband she was happy if he was happy. FIL took longer. He wanted to think about it. I visited a few more times at Chuseok and New Year's and helped out as if we were already married. By the next Chuseok, FIL went out drinking in the middle of the day to get his courage up. He then asked me to come out into the yard. He used the three or four English words he knew to try and ask me to marry his son. When I couldn't understand, he got my husband to translate. We were married the following spring. On that Chuseok day FIL promised they would treat me as if I was their daughter and they have.

[Wisconsinite]

He is the youngest son of 2 boys and one daughter. I have met his family and they were very warm to me but that was also because last year he came to America and lived with me and my family while I was in graduate school and he studyied English and they know how much my family really loves him so they were excited to meet me. However, they do think of me more as the girl that helped him in America than the girl who wants to marry their son. While I was there he was busy praising my abilities in the kitchen (I can cook Korean food, so that should help), how I went to one of the top Universities in America and how I am a teacher. He's on top of things in that area.

I do know Korean a little and I will go to Korea this summer to study Korean and hopefully meet his parents again after they have told him of our relationship. I am hoping that my increased Korean ability will show them my willingness to adopt a Korean lifestyle.

The hints about helping to clean up and remembering my "Korean" manners is very helpful. I will be sure to do that next time. I am still really scared but all these stories are helping me to relax and get those images of a crazy ajumma beating her son and future DIL when they announce their engagement like I saw on Kdrama.

[Yu_Bum_suk]

[Wisconsinite]

Thanks for all the advice! Now that I have heard positive stories, I will pass them on to bf and hopefully he will relax a bit about it. I think he is way more worried than I am but in this relationship I am the optimist and he is the pessimist.

Once we clear that battle....on to the next...get married in Korea or US

Most likely we will live in Korea since his job is really good and my job is pretty much the same in both places, teaching ESL to students. At the same time though, I kind of want to get married near my family and I know that my father will not go to Korea (he is a grumpy old man) and my sister hates to fly. But it seems unfair to ask his parents who have never been on a plane and have never left Korea to go to America.

[anae]

We solved the problem by having a small wedding in each country, but both sets of parents were at both weddings.

I wouldn't worry about his parents never having been on a plane. My MIL had never left Korea or been on a plane and she came to my hometown for our Canadian wedding. With one big trip under their belt, they have turned into world travellers. They went to China last year and last week they came back from a 5 country tour of southeast Asia.

Also, you never know about your father and sister in the end. My elderly grandparents came to Korea and they are from a village rural Saskatchewan where there is two ethnicities Scottish and Swedish.

[Wisconsinite]

Anae:

Thanks, its nice to have someone else point out the possibilities that you can't necesarily see yourself.

[tzechuk]

My family has been jetsetters for a long time now, so coming over for our wedding wasn't a problem.. but a lot of my friends were not able to take time off.. we were not able to have a wedding in the UK beacuse my husband was so busy at the time (getting him to agree to get married THEN was a challenge in itself.. )...

We intend on having a blessing back home this year as it will be our 5th year wedding anniversary.

So if you can have the time to do it, do as anae suggest - have a wedding at both places!

[Canadagirl]

Good Luck