Korean Job Discussion Forums

[tesseract]

I leave on Friday for my 10 day trip to Europe, then I am off to Korea. I should arrive on March 1st. My dad cried at my going away party which made me feel absolutely awful. My mom held it together okay but just looked really sad most of the night. My best friend came over to help me pack and cried when she left. I am very close to my aunt and to her two youngest children (9 and 4) and I feel like I am abandoning them. I feel horribly guilty. I know I shouldn't feel horribly guilty, but that doesn't change the fact that I feel horribly guilty. Anyone else experience the same thing? Before the flaming starts I would just like to say that I am not looking for validation from strangers for taking this trip. I am committed and I'm excited about going. I am definitely ready for a big change in my life. Just looking for words of wisdom from those who have already done this.




Did I mention I feel horribly guilty?

[jinju]

guilty for what? Living your life for you? Your parents, friends shoulf feel guilty for trying to hold you back. Tell them to piss off.

[livinginkunsan]

[EFLtrainer]

I'm thinking you just may be one of those that gets back on the plane in a week. A certain sort of runner is the one that can't handle the foreigness, which is compounded by the shock of being so far from family.

This is a serious comment. Think on it. Prep yourself.

[khyber]

If you are a grown adult, don't let parental guilt over anything (let alone a potentially fantastic life experience like this) get in the way.

Think about it...assuming everyone is in good health, you are gone for 1 year...one year is nothing dude...nooooottttyhhhing.

Your family should get over it.

That said, my family barely cares two poops what I do. I'm known as the "Adventurous unpredictable one" so the one thing they know is that they don't know what's going to happen next with me.

But fair enough: NEITHER DO I!!!!

[kimchi story]

The guilt can make you crazy. Maybe EFL trainer is exactly right. My gf visited for a month and a half and that helped. Plan for someone - anyone - to visit you. Sharing the experience took the guilt away, in my case.

Honestly, I've never talked to another teacher about this. Interesting thread.

[swetepete]

Hey! Here are some stories that remind me how important it was to go out and make my own way (such as it is) in the world, even though I left some pretty nice people behind...

Laurie Lee, "As I Walked Out One Midsummer Morning."
Mark Twain, "The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn."
Cormac McCarthy, "All the Pretty Horses" (not the movie, though.)
Big Bill Shakespeare, "Henry IV, parts i and ii."
George Lucas, "Star Wars: A New Hope." (Just think how lame it would've been if Luke had stayed home!)

...and here are some that remind me how too much home is bad for me, for when I'm feeling sentimental and homesick...

Joseph Heller, "Something Happened."
Franz Kafka, "the Metamorphosis."
Joseph Heller, "Franny and Zooey."
Alfred Hitchcock, "Psycho."

Staying home is like being an ingrown toe-nail! Anyways, the folks'll probably still be there when you get back.
Buck up, li'l camper!! Adventure awaits! Guilt, Shmilt!
Oh...wait...just re-read your post...you wanted WISE words. I thought you wanted wise-ASS. Sorry.

[daskalos]

If it's not hard to say goodbye for a time to people you love, you're doing something wrong. It should be hard, but that doesn't mean it's not worth doing.

[Muffin]

The reaction of people around you can take the shine of this new experience. My dad was also very sad about my leaving but did not try to dissuade me.

It sounds as if you come from a really close family who think the world of you, you are very lucky but of course it can be smothering too.

Some people just hate 'goodbyes' but once you have gone they will quickly adjust. My parents (in their 70s) quickly got the hang of MSN and often chatted to me online. They could also see my photos as I posted them.

You have no reason to feel guilty at all and I am sure your new experiences will be a source of interest to all the family. Just keep in touch regularly and the year will fly past.

I also assuaged (is that the right word?) my guilt by using an online flower ordering service and sending a big bouquet to my mum and grandma shortly after I left.

They are also naturally worried about you and this will improve once they know you are settled and okay.

I hope you enjoy your trip.

[Leslie Cheswyck]

Stay home and sponge off your folks forever.

[Rapacious Mr. Batstove]

One year in this surreal place will feel like a lifetime away when you return home and realise that time stood still after you were gone.

[aphong420]

Hey man - you gotta do what you want to do in life. You only get one. Don't let your family/friends hold you back just because they're sad. And who knows - maybe you'll find that one thing you've been searching for your entire life in Korea. Maybe not. I've come to realize that life is ultimately a perpetual test of being able to say "goodbye" and let go of things. Time is tangible; impermanence rules. Man ... it's depressing, but that's life. Hate it or love it.

I'm in the same situation you are - heading out of the US to start a new chapter of my life ... in Korea (next week). I'm going for an adventure ... i'm going because I want to gain some fresh, new perspectives. I'm going because it's going to be fun and exciting! Do it and let's catch a beer in Seoul. Maybe crank out a few Karaoke tunes.

Best of luck to ya.

[JongnoGuru]

[jlb]

Live your life, not the life your parents expect you to. Living someone else's idea of how I should live is something I have vowed to never, ever do.

As a previous poster mentioned I am also the adventurous, unstable, unpredictable one in the family so once you get this reputation you're good to go. Just do a few more random things and your family will never count on you for anything again and you'll be free. This sounds kind of horrible but it's actually a pretty good feeling.

[VanIslander]

"It's good I go,... I'm not leaving for good!"

You won't regret going and you will be back.

Look at the big picture and guilt melts away. Did for me.