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Getting through the "I hate it here" hump...
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sweetonsno



Joined: 26 Oct 2006
Location: Munjeong-dong

PostPosted: Sat Mar 03, 2007 7:36 am    Post subject: Getting through the "I hate it here" hump... Reply with quote

So, from what I've read, everyone goes through a time, five to seven months after they arrive, where they get homesick. I just hit that point myself and generally hate everything about my current situation. I won't go into details, but it's less that I miss my home and more that I feel like here is not a place that I want to be.

I like the food okay, and other than the hacking and other noises, I don't find anything particularly offensive about Koreans. I guess what bothers me the most is the social situation. It feels kind of like everyone thinks they're on extended spring break and it's difficult to find meaningful, lasting relationships (platonic or otherwise).

Since I don't *really* want to cut 'n' run, I'm stuck in it. What did you do when you hit that bad point? Any tips for riding it out? (Or making it go away...) How did you deal with negative feelings when they came up?

Thank you. And happy March!
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djsmnc



Joined: 20 Jan 2003
Location: Dave's ESL Cafe

PostPosted: Sat Mar 03, 2007 7:53 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I'd say get some Chia Balls and grow a pair!
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ella



Joined: 17 Apr 2006

PostPosted: Sat Mar 03, 2007 8:17 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Quote:
It feels kind of like everyone thinks they're on extended spring break

Maybe try to find some older expats to hang out with?
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huffdaddy



Joined: 25 Nov 2005

PostPosted: Sat Mar 03, 2007 8:29 am    Post subject: Re: Getting through the "I hate it here" hump... Reply with quote

sweetonsno wrote:
It feels kind of like everyone thinks they're on extended spring break and it's difficult to find meaningful, lasting relationships (platonic or otherwise).

...

Any tips for riding it out?


If you're around Seoul or Busan - Go to one of the DESLC meet ups. The woman's lunch (if you're a woman and if someone takes over from CLG), the newly formed around-40's group (if you're around 40), the veggie folks (even if you're not a veggie), Busan is having a meet up soon (if you're near Busan), or one of the semi-regular general drink fests in Seoul (if you're near Seoul). Most of the people there are cool and worthwhile meeting.

Take a weekend trip. Do something touristy. Either in Seoul or somewhere else. There's a lot of interesting stuff worth seeing.
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nautilus



Joined: 26 Nov 2005
Location: Je jump, Tu jump, oui jump!

PostPosted: Sat Mar 03, 2007 9:06 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Korea always offers the "things will get so much better" probability, but never quite delivers.
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Vancouver



Joined: 12 Dec 2006

PostPosted: Sat Mar 03, 2007 9:15 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

make some friends
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EFLtrainer



Joined: 04 May 2005

PostPosted: Sat Mar 03, 2007 9:24 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Make some Korean friends.
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VanIslander



Joined: 18 Aug 2003
Location: Geoje, Hadong, Tongyeong,... now in a small coastal island town outside Gyeongsangnamdo!

PostPosted: Sat Mar 03, 2007 10:59 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hump? Hating where you are because of homesickness after six months?

I think that's more of a factor for those who have never lived on their own before.There are tons of twentysomethings here.
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kangnam mafioso



Joined: 27 Jan 2003
Location: Teheranno

PostPosted: Sat Mar 03, 2007 12:30 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

i sort of liked that "spring break" attitude in korea. most of the foreigners you meet are a little off kilter, although this can keep things interesting. back home everyone is too normal and predictable, paying a mortgage and doing the same old things. after you've been in town for a while you will meet more long-term expats but that doesn't mean they will be "normal." haha ... enjoy
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JongnoGuru



Joined: 25 May 2004
Location: peeing on your doorstep

PostPosted: Sat Mar 03, 2007 1:18 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

ella wrote:
Quote:
It feels kind of like everyone thinks they're on extended spring break

Maybe try to find some older expats to hang out with?

Nope. It's Endless Spring Break for us, too.

(what's "spring break"? just a school break in spring?)

Huffdaddy's right, do all the touristy stuff. Just go do it, wherever & whatever. You'll like things you didn't expect to, see things many others won't, and it will give you a welcome change of scenery without leaving the country. And get yer drink on. did anyone mention that yet?
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oneofthesarahs



Joined: 05 Nov 2006
Location: Sacheon City

PostPosted: Sat Mar 03, 2007 7:42 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I'm sort of surprised by how many people have this "HOMESICKNESS? BAH!! GROW A PAIR!!" attitude.

It's perfectly normal to feel homesick if you live in another country in a completely new environment, regardless of how old you are or if you've ever lived on your own before. Everything is different: the people, the language, the food, the attitudes.

I want this to be known loud and clear: Feeling homesick, vulnerable, or lonely does not make you a bad person. It does not make you a weak person. What it means is that you are a human being.

The problem comes when you can't move on from the lonliness and homesickness. Let yourself be homesick and sad, it's normal. But then pull yourself up by your bootstraps and try to be proactive in changing things. Find a new hobby, make new friends, maybe even try to get to know your coworkers (they might be cooler than you think). And most off all, don't ever let the bastards get you down.
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wylies99



Joined: 13 May 2006
Location: I'm one cool cat!

PostPosted: Sat Mar 03, 2007 7:49 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

You can get homesick at any age. Things must have been MUCH rougher here before the internet was so widely available. Talk about being cut off from the world. Rolling Eyes

My advice? Change your routine.
If you are leaving at the end of the 12 months, start preparing for home. Look for some GOOD souvenirs (no more bookmarks Laughing ). Maybe join a gym to look slimmer when you get off the plane.

If you plan to stay, and you're homesick, maybe you need to reconsider staying past 12 months. Korea probably won't get any better, and it sure won't get any "newer."

I don't think you'll find the solution in meeting other people. Many of them can be just as homesick as you. Many of the people who've been here a long time don't help others very much. They live in their own world and consider those of us who've been here under a year to be wastes of time. Believe me- I know this from personal experience. Many just don't like to help others.


Last edited by wylies99 on Sat Mar 03, 2007 7:54 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Qinella



Joined: 25 Feb 2005
Location: the crib

PostPosted: Sat Mar 03, 2007 7:52 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Bathroom reading:

http://www.worldwide.edu/travel_planner/culture_shock.html
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wylies99



Joined: 13 May 2006
Location: I'm one cool cat!

PostPosted: Sat Mar 03, 2007 7:56 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Quote:
I'm sort of surprised by how many people have this "HOMESICKNESS? BAH!! GROW A PAIR!!" attitude.



That attitude comes from many Korean-Americans who feel right at home, here. They have NO IDEA what it's like for the rest of us. Rolling Eyes
Just being away from our famly and loved ones is a major sacrifice.
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dmbfan



Joined: 09 Mar 2006

PostPosted: Sat Mar 03, 2007 8:07 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

O.P., pay no attention to the E.S.L armchair generals, who think you should grow a pair. I am willing to bet that those who make comments like that don't have a pair themselves........


Now, look at it this way. You have been here long enough to realize that you have something to work for. You are past the six month mark, right? You are half way there! You've swam half way across the lake..........hang in there.

Things you can do:

1. Gym
2. Get into the job itself. Do some self studying. Better yourself as a
teacher.
3. Read as many books as you can.


You get the picture, I assume?


This is a normal phase. When you reach that 8-10 month mark, things will probably change. The end will be more in sight, and may start to feel more motivated..........or more apathetic, because YOU WILL BE FINISHED SOON.

Don't worry, unless there is trouble at school, try to hang in there. If you can't, there is NO SHAME in that. There is a reason why people really don't come to Korea to visit.


Best of luck!


Cheers.

dmbfan
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