Korean Job Discussion Forums

ella · Joined: 17 Apr 2006

I'm putting this in the "Job-related discussion" forum because to me this is more about work than it is about socializing.

I've been invited out with a group of Korean professors for the first time. Most of them older than me (as far as I can tell; I'm nearly 40), a mix of women and men. Nice, friendly bunch that I see on a daily basis although they are not in my department. I'm looking forward to the evening.

I know I'm not expected to know all the ins and outs of Korean social etiquette but I'd like to at least try to follow along and not make anyone uncomfortable, so I have a couple of questions:

1. Who pays for dinner? Should I offer to pay for my meal? How hard should I insist?

2. Do you share food communally even when it's not Korean food? Are there some foods you share and some you don't (Korean or otherwise)?

3. How much of a pain will it be that I'm a vegetarian? It doesn't bother me if others eat meat and I can pick meat out of dishes, if need be, but I don't want to just sit there and eat rice, either. Do I pipe up and say, "Hey, make sure to include something for the veggie?"

4. Who pays for the theater tickets? They will be bought in advance, so do I reimburse someone, or at least offer? Again, how hard do I insist?

5. So far I've only seen these people on campus where we all wear business suits. What's appropriate (modest) attire for this kind of evening (ladies)? My options are: a business suit, a slightly more casual suit, black crepe pants and silk sweater and pearls, mid-calf silk skirt with a sweater and pearls, or very casual - jeans (which I take it are a no).

6. I am Not A Drinker. I don't even want to find out what will happen if I try to drink soju. Back at home I'm pretty good at nursing one drink through an evening so that I'm still participating socially. Will that be acceptable?

7. I know about pouring drinks for others and not yourself. Is there a hierarchy to this? Do you only pour for people who rank higher or lower?

8. Is a nore bang likely to be a part of the evening?

9. When is it acceptable to make your goodbyes and head home?

Is there anything else I should know?

jvalmer · Joined: 06 Jun 2003

Juregen · Joined: 30 May 2006

Normally the person paying for the theatre tickets gets a free meal

The question is, who is organizing it?

if it is the eldest of the group, it somewhat of his responsibility, and offering your money might be an insult. If it is a group decision, then you probably will have to fight over who pays the bill.

My suggestion is go with the flow but be very very attentive when it comes to paying, showing that you want to participate is often sufficient to not insult anyone.

If you were invited, then it normally goes you do not pay, unless of course it is a group initiative.

Just be attentive and see what people who have the same social "level" as you do, just follow their lead.

Juregen · Joined: 30 May 2006

Juregen · Joined: 30 May 2006

ella · Joined: 17 Apr 2006

Hm... they were standing in a group, called me over, "Hey, you missed so-and-so's dinner," then the oldest guy said, "We're thinking of going to see ___ on Friday, can you come?" So I'm not sure who really organized it. If I had to guess I'd say it was him.

Bukowski · Joined: 29 Nov 2006

Definitely pay. One of the members has already collected a certain amount from the other members, so all you need to do is find out who that is and what the amount is.

Nothing worse than being a free-loading foreigner (I have met my share here)!

As for everything else, just be yourself (unless of course you are completely insensitive to your situation). The fact that you posted your question shows that you are not, so I am sure you will be fine. Relax and enjoy yourself.

If you don't want to be out late, have an out, a plan. Perhaps you could have a friend call you at a certain time or explain that you have to get up early the next day for something.

Good luck,
AC

kat2 · Joined: 25 Oct 2005 Location: Busan, South Korea

poet13 · Posted: Wed Mar 21, 2007 5:23 pm Post subject:

Some people feel that it's ok to pressure others to drink. Ands sometimes they just won't stop.
But....if you just don't want alcohol at all, you can just say you are taking medicine. That seems to be an entirely acceptable excuse.

Noori bang. My condolences. You will likely be expected to sing. Once is enough. Doesn't mater how badly, only that you did. Until you sing once, they will ask and ask and ask... Speaking from the authority of being perhaps the worst singer in the world (imagine what you would hear if you kicked a heart-broken camel in the nuts), I am very grateful that I did it once, and they have never asked me again.

ella · Joined: 17 Apr 2006

Aside from the cig smoke I don't think I'll mind a noribang that much. I did a lot of musical theater in my youth (and opera in college, although I regret that) so singing in front of others is not a problem. I have a sore-ish throat from teaching so I might sound a bit froggish but hopefully they'll be too inebriated to notice, ha.

Thanks, everyone. Smile

rothkowitz · Joined: 27 Apr 2006

Slapped my DE managers(female) arse at a noraebang.It was a bit rude,undermining........ah well.Hated that place.

Etiquette wise,hold your booze a little better than I did on that occasion,though,if it's a team building or letting off steam session a certain amount will be forgiven/not held against you.

nautilus · Joined: 26 Nov 2005 Location: Je jump, Tu jump, oui jump!

ella · Joined: 17 Apr 2006

Quick follow-up: everything went great. Karaoke was joked about but we ultimately we didn't go. Plenty of vegetable dishes at dinner. No problem nursing one drink as that was all anybody had. I was praised for my chopstick skills and for using polite Korean. Scored extra points for knowing a little about Korean history, which elicited a lot of surprise, "You're already half Korean!" and the bestowing of a Korean name. All attempts at payment were refused so after a few times I relented with the agreement that I will pay next time (we're meeting again later in the weekend). Just generally a nice bunch of people and a pleasant evening.

poet13 · Posted: Fri Mar 23, 2007 8:23 am Post subject:

Cool. Glad it went well.

yashi · Joined: 19 Jan 2007

Nice story. Understand that volunteering to pay next time involves the expectation of you paying for everyone's dinner at the next meeting. Just be sure to refuse any offers of payment. By doing so, you will also have the opportunity to choose the resturaunt and order the food. However, the respect and rapport you develop will more than pay for the cost of the group's meal. Enjoy, especially since you will not be expected to pay for at least a few months.