Korean Job Discussion Forums

JongnoGuru · Joined: 25 May 2004 Location: peeing on your doorstep

This is final exams week at the university my GF's cousin attends. I only know that because I've recently been letting him stay in a guest bedroom at my house in Seoul on weeknights, as the commute from his parents' home in Bundang was cutting into exam prep time.

He normally comes home late and I rarely see him even when we're both at home, as we're in different parts of the house and he usually takes what little he eats up to his room and has it at the computer. He's the typically quiet & uncommunicative type. Told him he has the run of the house, but he just goes straight to his room and only leaves it for the bathroom or the kitchen. I know he's been freaking out over these exams. He's also been getting home later & later at night, sometimes arriving after I've gone to bed, and I go to bed LATE. So it was strange to find the lights on inside when I got home at my usual time last night.

Even stranger was to find him in the dining room, eating a plate of street-bought ddukboki. He told me his close friend -- same uni, same kwa -- killed himself yesterday. I'm not sure how he found out, but he says most of their group of friends don't know about it yet (cellphones off, studying or taking exams) and he's not going to tell them, even if they ask him where the guy is, until everyone's done with their tests. Doesn't want it to unnerve them right now. I guess I'd do the same. But Jesus...

Edit: He was 20. What does it matter? I don't know. I've just been thinking about all the things I've done, the people I've met and places I've seen since 20. Some plans have failed massively, I pulled some egregiously stupid stunts. But there was always something that saved my ass, just by making me want to try again, give it another shot.

And he's described as having been of a "somewhat gloomy" disposition.

ruffie · Joined: 11 Oct 2006

The suicides, the surgery, the obsession with this and that, why do Koreans have to do everything in extremes? They always bring disaster upon themselves.
These poor kids. It's criminal the pressures their parents put them under.

billybrobby · Joined: 09 Dec 2004

flakfizer · Posted: Wed Apr 25, 2007 8:22 pm Post subject:

Milwaukiedave · Joined: 02 Oct 2004 Location: Goseong

JG,

That's sad that someone feels that helpless. Him doing that also reinforces it as an option for other university students that feel they can't handle it anymore. It's sort of a death spiral.

I'm sure your gf's cousin is affected by it more then he let's on. If you can, you should sit down and talk with him about it. Sometimes just reaching out will help people that are closely affected by someone else's suicide.

JongnoGuru · Joined: 25 May 2004 Location: peeing on your doorstep

Doogie · Joined: 19 Jan 2006 Location: Hwaseong City

Yea, the kids in this country have brutal pressure on them. I teach in an elementary school and I already see the pressure at that young age. I have 11 and 12 year old kids that come to school with bags under their eyes because of their workloads. These kids have zero fun. I can't even imagine what it will be like for them when they get to middle school and high school. For a lot of these kids it must be the end of the world if, in the end, they fall short of their parents expectations.

Thunndarr · Joined: 30 Sep 2003

I don't often feel sympathy (because I am about as sensitive as a toilet seat) but I do feel for Korean kids when I think about how soul-sucking their lives are up until they get into University. It's a shame that the pressure got to this poor kid.

Ilsanman · Joined: 15 Aug 2003 Location: Bucheon, Korea

It links back to Park Jung-hee. He told Korea that the only way they would succeed is if they adapted this bballi bballi personality.

Milwaukiedave · Joined: 02 Oct 2004 Location: Goseong

Woland · Joined: 10 May 2006 Location: Seoul

Very sad, Guru; it makes the numbers human to have closer contact to them. I hope your girlfriend's cousin gets through all this, the exams (probably looking less important now, but still unavoidable) and his friend's death, okay. I also hope that when he and his friends are done with the tests, and everyone knows, that they remember their friend well, celebrate his life, and value their connections to him and each other all the more. It's what we can do in situations like this.

n3ptne · Joined: 14 Sep 2005 Location: Poh*A*ng City

Rteacher · Joined: 23 May 2005 Location: Western MA, USA

I've been showing the School of Rock DVD quite a bit the last week or so, leading up to mid-terms (which I have no part of ...)

Most of my tech high school students love it, and it at least indirectly addresses the problem of severe stress on students, teachers, and parents ...

There are a few scenes, especially, that seem to jar their conditioning with regard to education:

* When Jack Black's fake teacher character tears the chart of "gold stars" and "demerits" off the wall and rails at the idea of grades ...

* When he directs the students to express their anger at authorities - beginning with him - and creatively channels the strong feelings generated into a "decent rock song"...

* When Joan Cusak's "principal" character goes into a rant about how she didn't always used to be "wound so tight" and devoid of fun (expanding on the same lines she used in Say Anything - another good film, starring her brother ...) but had become a hateful biatch because of the brutal pressure put on her by her prep schoolers' parents - who have "absolutely no sense of humor" about their kids education...

Wrench · Joined: 07 Apr 2005

Good one less idiot in this world. Good ridance.

JongnoGuru · Joined: 25 May 2004 Location: peeing on your doorstep

More news as it develops

I decided I ought to be home by a decent hour tonight, just in case. In case of what, I didn't know. Maybe to play head waiter & older brother for the GF's cousin and my temporary housemate.

As it happens, I could have stayed out all night, he's not coming back. I rang him several times, it was busy busy busy. Finally I get a call back. Where is he? What's going on? Okay, it's all coming thick and fast. First of all, the university found out right away about the student's suicide and they CANCELLED final exams both today and tomorrow. (and this is not Tom & Jerry University, it's a biggie) Apparently, they've been rescheduled for next week.... much to the annoyance or relief of many students, I'm sure.

But I don't imagine those students who were underprepared to sit the exams today will be doing much studying over the weekend, because...

Where is he? He's on a train, with his entire class and lots of uni faculty, bound for Gwangju, Cheolla-namdo, and the home of the dead student. To pay their respects, express their grief, and just be there for his family. He says it's a mob, like over 50 students and a bunch of faculty.

You know what? Koreans may not be the most "enlightened" or as "pro-active" at helping people who are suicidal as we all might wish them to be. But by God, they are damn quick off the mark when it comes to doing the honourable thing at tlmes like this.

Gwangju! It's not exactly a quick cab ride, a tight few hours and then home again, is it? And they all went. "Wow, he offed himself? *beep*, that really sucks. I'd like to go, but man, I got stuff to do, I got plans, ya see." I really cannot imagine too many Koreans would 'individualism-out' like that in these circumstances. And good for them.

And professors & department heads, too!? And they cancelled & rescheduled the exams!? I guarantee you, there is no fkkking way MY university would ever do that if I killed myself or died in a car accident or what have you. Not for me, not for any student, no matter how small our class was.

Ugh. I just read Wrench's post.