Korean Job Discussion Forums

[fidel]

Came across this in a discussion group obviously written by a soldier, who judging from some of his other posts is a redneck, rascist korea hating son of a swine, however this post did have some humor in it.

You are immune to the smell of "the kimchi breath."

You no longer come to a complete stop at the stop sign and you never
yield the right-of-way.

You can pick up a single strand of noodles with chopsticks.

You ask for more "ko-chu" because the kimchi-chige soup is not hot
enough.

You enjoy slurping your noodles as loudly as you can.

Your back is sore from bowing.

You walk down the street holding hands with your buddy.

You ask your wife to stand outside with a baseball bat to protect your
public parking space in front of the house.

You can eat barefooted in a restaurant with a foot in your lap.

You can cut in at the front of the line of waiting people with the
best of them.

You look forward to winter in your off post housing so you can store
beer and frozen foods in your bedroom or bathroom.

You can fall asleep on the city bus and wake up at your stop.

You can shovel in an entire bowl of rice and half a course of Bulkogi
into your mouth before you swallow.

You rather watch local TV than AFKN.

You can make a left turn looking only to the right.

You can convert any US unit measurements into metric measurements in
your head.

You look forward to Chusok and the Lunar New Year each year.

You think that Korea's greatest natural resource is good looking young
women.

You only lock your door if there are lots of "Mi-gooks" around.

People ask if you want to go by car and you respond, "No, I'm in a
hurry."

Someone says, "Bed," and you think "Yol."

You realize that it is safer to "J" walk than use a pedestrian
crosswalk.

You wear white socks with a dark suit.

You can use a public bathroom for both genders and think nothing of
it.

You know every interchange on the Seoul-Pusan Expressway by heart.

You know all the words to the Korean National Anthem and you enjoy
singing it.

You don't need a restroom to relieve yourself.

You crawl back into your house to get your coat, rather than take your
shoes back off and walk on the floor with shoes on.

You bow at inanimate objects.

You walk around humming the tune the crosswalk signal lights play.

You enjoy shopping at a local open market place more than Main PX or
Commissary.

Someone says breakfast, you think of "fish, soup and seaweed."

You'd rather sit on the floor than in a chair.

You start believing that you can blend into a large crowd of Koreans.

All your shoes are bent flat in the back.

You let your eyes be drawn towards any female whose hair isn't black.

You answer the phone by saying "yoboseyo," and sometimes even at the
office.

Someone says "mansion" and you think of a two bedroom flat in a
400-unit apartment building.

You mutter "Aigu" when lifting a heavy objects.

You suck in air through your teeth before saying "no" to anything.

You start growling and spitting inside your mouth to add emphasis to
what you are about to say.

You can convert Hangul into English without repeating it to yourself
first.

You always wave your left hand to signal you are going to cut in front
of another driver without looking first.

You select shoes based on how easily you can get them on and off.

You answer "Nhe" even when speaking English to non-Korean friends.

You carry chopsticks in your back pocket.

You enjoy putting lots of red pepper sauce on your salads or
French-fries.

You don't freak out when the salad arrives with octopus legs still
wiggling on top of it.

You are not embarrassed when old ladies are standing in a bus while
you are sitting down.

You like OB or Crown better than Bud or Miller.

[Hollywoodaction]

"You like OB or Crown better than Bud or Miller." I don't get that one. It would be hard to decide which is worse since they all lack flavour.

[tomato]

Hello, Fidel!

There were a couple of threads like this last year.
Here are the links in case you're interested:

http://www.eslcafe.com/forums/korea/viewtopic.php?t=6790&highlight=

http://www.eslcafe.com/forums/korea/viewtopic.php?t=2706&highlight=

I'll be redundant by repeating the post which I sent before:

when the ����� song stops sounding like "Mary Had a Little Lamb"
when the niun's stop looking like L's and the iung's stop looking like O's
when you forget what tomato juice used to taste like
when you stop expecting Korean directors to know anything about foreign language pedagogy
when you teach the kids some more four-letter words so they will stop overusing the F word
when a child grabs you by the 'nads and you retaliate in kind
when you stop expecting the druggist to give you the pills in little bottles
when you start referring to the "Let's Go" series as "���ô�"
when you write to a friend back home and realize halfway through the letter that you're writing in the wrong language
when you turn your head and wave every time you hear someone say "hello"
when you start reversing the words "we" and "they"
when your memories of your home country seem like a bad dream that never really happened

[theatrelily]

Some friends of mine started a list like this a year ago...here are some of my favourites....

• You will spit in public but never blow your nose
• You have tried on clothes in stores without changing rooms
• You believe in ��fan death��
• You think kimchi prevents SARS
• You��re not concerned about North Korea
• You run away from, or stare at, other foreigners
• You actually think Korea is the hub of Asia
• You clap when someone says something funny
• You can recognize the smell of boiling silk worm larvae before you see it
• You stop and look at yourself in every mirror
• You don��t feel right unless you have had your daily rice
• You could open your own handkerchief store
• You think it��s OK to be fifteen minutes late for everything
• You give directions to your friends based on smells and sock stands
• You can fall asleep standing up on the subway
• You have eaten, or have seen people eat, chicken anus as a bar snack
• You ask people their age and marital status when you first meet them
• You have been to a wedding that involved lasers, bubbles, dry ice, and girls with trumpets

[Hollywoodaction]

I know it's pretty redundant. I remember reading lists like this in this forum way back in '97 or '98. Ad vomitum suum indeed.

[uberscheisse]

hi, i'm sobering up after an interesting night of having conversations with people and giggling until i wanted to urinate in my pants.

and i have the following to say, courtesy paul williams and mel torme:

Love, exciting and new
Come Aboard. We're expecting you.
Love, life's sweetest reward.
Let it flow, it floats back to you.

Love Boat soon will be making another run
The Love Boat promises something for everyone
Set a course for adventure,
Your mind on a new romance.

Love won't hurt anymore
It's an open smile on a friendly shore.
Yes LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE! It's LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE! (hey-ah!)

Love Boat soon will be making another run
The Love Boat promises something for everyone
Set a course for adventure,
Your mind on a new romance.

Love won't hurt anymore
It's an open smile on a friendly shore.
It's LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE! It's LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE! It's
LOOOOOOOOOOOVE!
It's the Love Boat-ah! It's the Love Boat-ah!

[tomato]

...you refer to Microsoft Origami as Microsoft ��������.

...you write a message in both languages and have trouble writing one of the English sentences.

...you can remember all the words to the Korean National Anthem but you can't remember all the words to your own national anthem.

...it's easier to sign your name in hangul than in romaja.

...you count items with a �ٷ��� (��) instead of vertical lines.

...you say "�ȳ� �ϼ���" when another foreign teacher comes in the office.

...you can imagine a Korean's point of view well enough to contribute to the Lee's KSL thread.

...you miss reprimanding a student for saying "�̰�" because you don't notice that he spoke Korean.

...you send these jokes to your friends back home and expect them to understand them.

[canuckistan]

Here's a twist on the OP with a nice slope of progression--If you're at the end point, you're pretty deep.


You've been in Korea too long when:

It no longer bothers you when an Ajuma bumps you out of the way.
You own one of the following: mosquito spray, mosquito smoke coils, mosquito swatters, or a mosquito net.
You own a scooter.
You can order food in Korean.
You have a favorite Korean commercial.
You've eaten Kimchi and rice for breakfast.
You're embarassed about your newly found smoking and drinking habits.
Using chopsticks no longer feels strange and awkward.
You've tried any of the following once: bo shin tang, eel, live squid, whale blubber, or bun dae gi.
You own a handphone, but still find them annoying.
Using a squatter has become bareable.
You eat shrimp chips and seaweed with beer.
You've given in and now beat your students with a stick.
You bought a small dog.
You've purchased several items from subway salesmen.
You know the mystery of the missing 4rth floor.
You understand how to play Baduk.
You eat a lot of the garlic they give you with bulgogi.
Your student loan is almost paid off.
You can drink 1 bottle of Soju.



You've been in Korea MUCH too long when....

You bump Ajumas out of your way.
You own ALL of the following: mosquito spray, mosquito smoke coils, mosquito swatters, and a mosquito net.
You own a car.
You can order food over the phone and give directions.
You have a favorite Korean drama.
You prefer Kimchi and rice for breakfast.
You boast about your now heavy smoking and drinking habits.
Using a fork feels strange and awkward.
You've tried any of the following MORE THAN once: bo shin tang, eel, live squid, whale blubber, or bun dae gi.
You own the newest and most expensive handphone and check it 10 times an hour.
You squat over western style toilets
You eat fruit with beer.
You beat your students with a stick and feel insanely powerful.
You've dyed your dog's ears blue or pink.
Your friend is a subway salesman.
You're terrified to be on any 4th floor.
You've beaten a Korean at Baduk.
You eat EVERYTHING they give you with bulgogi.
Your student loan is almost paid off.
You hail yourself as Soju drinking champion of your city.



How To Know You Lived Too Long in Korea Now That You're Back Home. . .

You didn't recognize your family at the airport.
You habitually bow your head to people.
You're favorite store is no longer Price Chopper. It's Mr. Kim's Happy Korean Market.
You pay $12 for Kimchi Chigae and $10 for a bottle of Soju.
You gasp in horror when people walk into your home wearing shoes.
You squat over your toilet for old time's sake.
You continually call your friends "babo".
You get depressed when little kids don't notice you now. In fact you get very depressed that no one notices you now.
You can't understand why the bars close at 2AM, why you can't buy beer after 2:00AM, why you always have to show ID, and why you can't walk from bar to bar carrying an open beer.
You can drink 4 bottles of Soju. Your friends can't even drink 1. You hail yourself Soju Master of (Your Town).
You continually tell people, "Hurry! Hurry!"
You're friend asks you what you're fixing for dinner. You reply, "Oh, a little dwen jang chigae, kimchi, various side dishes and rice."
You miss the smell of bun dae gi.
You refer to all your friends as foreigners.
You have nightmares about kids screaming, "Hello! What's your name? What time is it? Do you like Kimchi?"
You now find supermarkets eerily quiet.
You constantly beep your horn in traffic.
You're contemplating opening your town's first O-daeng stand.
Your friends and family are concerned about your new smoking and drinking habits.
You casually offer 500$ to immigration officials to issue your Korean girlfriend a working visa.
You can't sleep at night becuase it's just too quiet.
You've called your mother Ajuma more than 3 times.
You're still buying kimchi, seaweed, spicy leaves, and shrimp chips on a weekly basis.
Your friends call the humane society because your dog's ears are pink and blue.
You talk about people near you forgetting they can understand you.
Your friends wonder why you have a roll of toilet paper on your kitchen table and you wonder why they're asking.

[tomato]

...you see Vietnam on a map and look for Vietbuk.

[wo buxihuan hanguoren]

[DCJames]

when you're in your 30s, 40s, and 50s and you hang out with 20 somethings who are paying off school loans..

[yingwenlaoshi]

delete

[trigger123]

[cruisemonkey]

When buying shoes, the most important factor to consider is - how fast you can slip them on and off.

[ChuckECheese]

DAE~HAN MIN KOOK